A self hating child

One of the most important aspects of early infancy is that kids are born fully at the mercy of others. They have neither intelligence or utility in their natural state. They are unable to fight, whine, walk away, or plead their case. Their ability to glance up from their cots with huge innocent lovely eyes and entice their parents into caring for them is their only means of survival. In exchange for their ability to attract love, they will be fed, clothed, protected, and kept alive.

Young children frequently express their love and admiration for their parents or caretakers. Those who take them up and bathe them, reheat their milk, and change their linens are naturally adored and endlessly impressed. They are awestruck by these enormous people who can run a washing machine and kick a ball over a tree. There is no intrinsic impulse to question or doubt authority people at this point. Given the stakes, it's no surprise that tiny toddlers are well aware of how well they're doing at persuading their adored protectors to side with them.

If they feel loved, they may relax into themselves and focus on the many other important tasks of early life, such as learning how to consume solid foods, figuring out what a plug socket is, how a button works, what words are, and how soap bubbles develop. When love is in short supply, though, the picture becomes much more difficult. There are some childhoods when, for various reasons, parents are unable to be as charming as they might be, and the baby is left to scream. They yell at each other. There could be hysteria and aggression, as well as lethargy, despair, and panic. The tiny youngster immediately recognises that it is in terrible danger, and that if the matter is not resolved quickly, it may be abandoned on a mountain to die.

Our biology starts a desperate yet rational procedure at this point. The young child begins to work much harder. It makes a concerted effort to charm, be good, do what is asked of it, smile, and ingratiate itself. It wonders what is wrong with itself to explain the parental disapproval and harm, and it has little choice but to look for explanations in its own character and behaviour. Simultaneously, the youngster opposes what may appear to an adult as an obvious move to become irritated with and blame the people in the vicinity who are not properly caring for it. However, such a bold idea does not correspond to the defenselessness of childhood.

When we can't even reach the door handle, let alone turn on a tap, we're in no position to challenge our protectors. Before cynicism becomes a viable option, we must have our own front door key and bank account. It's lot more natural to question why we're so horrible than it is to moan about how unfairly and unkindly we've been treated as tiny children. As a result, people naturally convert the harm done to them into a dislike of themselves, asking questions such as, "How could I have failed this admirable person?" rather as "Why did my parent fail to care for me?" Rather of trusting those who should be safeguarding them, they despise themselves.

Anger is replaced with humiliation. On balance, it appears to be the safest alternative. The rejected developing youngster then descends into a vicious spiral of self-hatred, continually pondering their flaws. It's possible that one of their parents is an alcoholic, narcissistic, sadistic, or depressive person. It doesn't matter if they've never cooked a nice meal or yelled incoherently from their bedroom. To explain the absence of affection from the paragons of parents, the child must be a terrible person. They must be ignorant and cruel, self-centered and slow, as well as physically unattractive, annoying, and shallow.

Much of this interaction is forgotten as childhood fades away. The teenager and young adult may be oblivious to what happened since they are unable to recall events from their early years, and parental figures may be anxious that they do not do so. the former youngster can't tell anymore that their emotion of shame has definite origins. It may appear as if they were born with a natural occurrence such as severe weather or the virus. When we dare to believe that our self-hatred is not inevitable, but rather an internalisation of early deprivation, and that we don't need to worship and admire those who denied us love, we will be liberated.

We are able to comprehend the need to inquire, to be irritated, and to lament what we did not obtain. We aren't quite so vile. After all, we've been at a loss for words as to why we haven't been able to captivate those who should have liked us from the start.