My husband and I have been married for quite some time. We barely see each other once a month when we're dating since we have each other's duties to deal with. After a year, we grew fed up of our setup and we finally decided to get married and live together like husband and wife.

It's the happiest time of my life at first. Every day, we have to enjoy everything together. We woke up in each other's arms, drank coffee together, cooked and ate together, brushed our teeth together, and so on. They are right; you only get to know someone well when you live under the same roof.

We thought we were on the same page. We thought we had the same interests and tastes in everything, but we didn't. As it turned out, we clashed. We fought almost every day. We're like the sun and moon pressing against one other, as if we both want to set at the same time. I felt useless in my own home, to the point where I no longer consider it a home.

We're in the same small bed, yet it feels big enough for both of us. We used to be hundreds of miles apart and made up instantly when we fought, but now we're only a half-meter apart, yet it feels like a thousand miles.

Thursday Blues worsen. Not just every Thursday, but every day. I can't function effectively at work or in life, to the point that I cry when working, walking, washing clothes, the only home thing I'm good at, or when I woke up suddenly at dawn. I felt insufficient, ignored, and unworthy.

The home we built is no longer felt like home. It seemed like a battleground with two persons at the center not giving up until they showed their own point of views and wrapped up if it was accepted by the other. It's tiring and draining.

Rereading his letters he wrote for me when we were apart every Thursday made me realize the sudden change. He had written down a list of reminders before on how to care for me, but it seems that he has already forgotten everything. Now I'm wondering what made him stop courting me after promising that he wouldn't stop till we were old and grey. Maybe I'm no longer attractive in his eyes. Maybe he realized I wasn't the woman he thought I was.

I'm always looking for the man I used to love, but I have no idea how he felt. How I'm making it difficult for him to survive, although I'm the one on whom he should rely. Without asking if he's happy living in the place I live for over eight years. I had no idea he was still adjusting since this is a new world for him.

I thought he was the one who was self-centered, but the truth is that I am. I am the problem. I didn't understand he was still doing his best to take care of me, even though he was worn out. It's not like I didn't appreciate everything he did; I'm simply hoping for the type of love he has shown me in the past.

But everything is different now. We're not simply dating anymore. I need to be more mature and think outside the box rather than expecting a fairytale-like life that only exists in literary fiction.

Right now, everything seems to be nicely in line. We're gradually fixing our relationship and mending our shattered home. Avoiding another tempest of war and just loving and holding each other's hands at night.

Leaving our comfort zone is quite challenging. Adjusting is hard, but if you truly love the person, you will go to great lengths to make things work. Despite all of that, he is the man I want to be with.

Still hoping for a rainbow after the storm.

Heyow!

I haven't written an edition of this series in seven months because I don't know what to write next. Hehe. Anyway, I'm just dropping by to say thanks for reading my paradoxical article. Take care!