"This planet—the world—and I have a lot in common; we both have a crust, mantle and core. If you think you know me well, my dear, you are still in the crust. Everything you know about me is just the tip of the iceberg. I am far deeper and darker than that. The little girl you're looking for is tucked away deep within the core."

I wrote this a long time ago, maybe when I was in high school. I noticed this in my journal lately, and it reminded me how much I used to enjoy writing. It is not that literature is not my strong suit; I just want to express my sentiments in order to let them all out and liberate my mind.

Now let's see if this is one of the creative or unusual ways I can introduce myself.

Crust

In science, the crust is said to be the outermost shell of a terrestrial planet. The Earth's crust is made up of solid rocks and minerals, just as I am. I surround myself with walls, rocks, and everything else I can think of to keep myself as stable as possible in front of other people.

This part of me, I believe is really fun to be with. I am silly, I am loud, I laugh easily, I am a drama queen and I am literally a crackhead. I guess I can be a little flirtatious at times, and you might even think that I am hitting on you when I am not. Don't get me wrong I am not faking it; it is me, or should I say one of my hundred personalities. Just kidding! (or not)

If I feel at ease with you, I will tell you almost everything. You'll know that Hogwarts is my home, but a Shinobi by heart and a Swiftie by soul. You'll know how I love chocolates, coffee, ice cream, chicken etc. (Drools!), and how much I love reading novels and watching crime and murder shows to relax. I know that seems strange, but I can say that I sleep well at night. If you ask me who my favorite authors are and what mystery films I enjoy, we could spend a month or two going over them all.

You will know how crafty and artsy I am, how much I enjoy calligraphy, painting, creating miniature houses and furniture, and how much I enjoy singing and playing instruments. (Even if these things don't like me. lol)

Mantle

According to experts, when you go closer to the Mantle, you will feel extremely heated. You will be burned to death. No one will ever be able to live there in seconds due to the extreme heat and suffocation.

When you get to this point, I consider you to be a very close friend, family member, someone I care about or a person I can trust. You can now see how vulnerable, sensitive and complicated I am, how my mood changes from time to time, how I have isolated myself from people, how I have broken down when those episodes creep in; and how I have suffered from panic attacks, anxiety attacks, and all that shit.

It takes a lot of work to get to this place. Some people are challenged to be in here, but I lose the majority of those people in the blink of an eye, once they realize how strict my boundaries are and how wide my world is for them to lose themselves in. It hurts, but I believe that if those people love me, they would embrace me for who I am and what I have.

The Core

The extremely hot part and very dense center of our planet. The core contains information regarding the earliest history of accretion of the planet. For me, this is where it all starts. This is where the little girl is imprisoned.

This is the root of all pain, suffering, disappointment, and trauma—the feeling of being the first pancake because I believe I am a failure eldest child, the experimental child, the neglected child, the one who was expected to be strong and fearless at all times. My parents' therapist and the one who has to notice things that no one else does.

I have to lock this kid because she is a monster within me. She wants to take my life in order to end all of my pain. She is so horrible that I'm scared to face her. The wolf has seen this side of me, and despite the toxicity it may bring, he stayed. He has never abandoned me, and he knows what I'm going through even if I don't say anything. He still loves each and every part of me. Every part of my existence. Every fiber of my being. Every part of the world that I created, and I am beyond grateful.

I am still trying to heal from the past catastrophic events in my life up until this present time. This is not simple. Healing is messy, chaotic and time-consuming process. It takes a long time to build, but it's much easier to destroy. It is unfair, right? That's how life is, I suppose. But one thing is certain, I can get through this. Not immediately, but I trust the process. I'll get there someday.