Four P's to Anger management

What do you do if you are feeling angry, like when it just bubbles up and you want to out rightly burst on somebody?.

A lot of people feel very angry like personally offended about everything, getting offended by the smallest little things. One misstatement over them, and the world burst at them and bullies them, and I know you have been a victim to that too. I will like to expand more on certain points to overcome Anger.

Pause

Before you freak out on somebody, before you write that mean reactive post on social media, before you say that mean comment or break something always as soon as you feel angry 'Pause'. You have to train your self towards that.

People who keep struggling over and over in their relationships, in their career, academics or any path to achieving anything significant do so because they keep living from a place that is too impulsive, easily reacting and justifying their actions. "No one makes you feel anything without your permission".

The capacity and willingness to wait is very important because most times anger is coming from an impulsive part of ourselves, reacting to situations like hurt and worrying and when there is poor management of the mind, you stress on things that shouldn't be stressed. The mind comes out and this ego side craves it's way out and you scream even when no harm was caused making a big out of a deal, that ought not to be.

Most anger isnt happening in the actual context of what is going on, it is an old story coming up, an old hurt, an old wound, an old concern, then you begin to ask yourself, Am I respected enough? Am I cared for enough? How dare they!! All this things are the child mind and the ego mind when there is a lot of pain and a lot of struggle you realize all this. Sometimes we hear it wrongly when it has nothing to do with us. That ego has to be eliminated by just pausing.

How do you not fight it? How do you listen? How do you ask questions? If you constantly loose your mind all the time then you dont show signs of maturity.

Eliminate vulgar vocabularies from you thinking, when you use bad language, the other person increases the bad language, from there what happens will be drastic which results in the consequences of anger.

Dont disclose vulgarities to get your message across. Curse words are a common thing in our streets or localities, What's the big deal? Control it!!. Ecclesiastes 7:9 "Be not hasty in thy spirit to be angry, for anger resteth in the bossom of fools".

Two types of anger were demonstrated and described in two verses of the bible, representing two ways anger can be released.

Ephisains 4:26 "Be angry and do not sin" :do not let the sun go down on your wrath"

which means to become provocative causing annoyance or a reaction deliberately. The kind of anger represented here was temporary for a positive reason, if it then becomes a"persistent" anger it becomes a habit, it could be very dangerous.

Irritations and annoyances cannot always be avoided, but we can work to pause and limit how much anger we express in our lives. 

Ephisains 4:31 "Let all bitterness, wrath, anger, clamour and evil speaking be put away from you."

Which means a violent passion, exhuming rage causing one to act widely.

An unsolved anger is one which should be handled immediately, it prevents future problems from arising. I believe outbursts cant solve anything.

Ponder

As you wait or pause to react, 'Ponder' where is the anger really from? What am I really upset about?. When someone cuts you off are they terrible because of that, maybe it doesn't really need to happen over and over again, ponder why it is really happening?. And next ask your self why exactly do you want to be valued and respected?

Before you react understand each situation, you dont need to be upset based on what you have been called, based on what your partner says to you, or a family member, or a friend even your kid. This is particularly true in the story of Cain and Abel, who offered their sacrifices to God. When God accepted Abel's sacrifice and rejected Cain's offering, Cain became very angry. To know how foolish and angry man's actions are we read that Cain directed his anger towards his brother and eventually took the life of Abel. This can be gotten in Genesis 4:8,

So the Lord said to Cain, "why are you angry? And why has your countenance fallen? If you do well, will you not be accepted? And if you do not do well sin Lies at the door. And its desires are for you, but you should rule over it.

Isnt that foolish indeed, what has Abel got to do with the rejection of Cain's sacrifice. Anger can lead to sin as it did with cain a very serious sin. That is why we shouldn't be swift to react when angry, lest we do something foolish. The evil that follows anger can indeed not be measured, it is beyond what we think it is.

Palliate or with Ease

Answer with ease all the time. Anger can eventually draw one to suicide, dont let it get to that level. Always "Calm down" Farabale like the Yoruba's say, dont make your self feel bad all the time, your mind will tell you to handle this situation, Please listen. Try to be compassionate, try to let go of your anger state, fill the voids with things that matters.

How can you possible reply in the moment of conflict?

Dont rush to speak all the time, it is really hard but train yourself.

A story of a Teacher I knew way back always has a particular face when he gets angry. You will never know he is angry, but only we he's student understands. Any time he seems upset he puts up that smile, how I wish to show a picture, we all understood immediately even though he doesn't become physical afterwards.

As a Christian there need to be a difference in your responce also different from someone who is not.we must not be angered easily by the smallest of things. I learnt that If we let emotions get the better of us we shouldn't act on anger.

From James 1:19 and 20

So then, my beloved brethren let everyman be swift to hear, slow to speak, slow to wrath: for the wrath of man does not produce the righteousness of God.

We must control ourselves, for an angry man is prone to sinning.

Protect

Find a place of well-being for your mind, interest and body. Convey better to suit both of you, in cases of anger say something wise, say something that change the atmosphere, say something to end the anger. Anger kills slowly because you deprive yourself from joy all the time.

A hot-tempered person stirs up conflict, but the one who is patient calms a quarrel.

Never neglect your well-being, what gives you the idea that when it leads to a fight you will get out alive or live to tell the story. Do not let the sun go down on your wrath, do not spend the whole day in anger, my advice for you is to comeout and be free.

In Conclusion

These four P's to anger management mentioned can help you manage your anger and help you win in all situation because anytime you come out of anger, You are a winner. Remember to seek Gods intervention daily to overcome, he will always show up to guide and lead you towards your journey to recover.

Have a blessed day.

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