How to over come rejection

How to Get Over Your Fear of Rejection

There are ways to get better at dealing with rejection. It is important to practice self-care and build confidence, in order to break the vicious cycle of isolation and avoidance that keeps people stuck, fearful and lonely. Fear of rejection goes away when one starts to believe that they are enough, and they stop relying on others for their self-worth.

The following are 13 tips for how to deal with fear of rejection:

1. Accept It

One way to deal with fear of rejection is to accept it and simply notice that it’s there. People often beat themselves up for their feelings, which inevitably makes everything worse. For instance, imagine someone who is feeling nervous about going to a party. They fear that people won’t like them or will reject them.

So instead of just noticing and acknowledging that fear, this person starts to beat themself up with negative self-talk. They berate themselves for being so fearful and not being able to just be “normal”. They may go down a spiral of thinking about all of the things they struggle with. Instead, try noticing that the fear is there without judging it or making it mean something more.

2. Build the Habit of Positive Self-Talk

Positive self-talk can actually rewire the pathways in the brain to be more positive. Positive self-talk can improve mood and boost confidence. It may sound silly, but it works! Try a mantra like “I am enough” or “I can do hard things”.

3. Don’t Let Rejection Define You

There are so many things that make a person unique and special, and everyone has their own gifts. Fear of rejection is only one small part, not the whole person. Remember that just because the fear is there doesn’t mean you have to listen to it or make it part of your identity.5

4. Build Confidence

Building confidence helps people feel more sure of themselves and more grounded. Confident people know that their worth is not dependent on the opinion of others, and they are more able to be themselves.

5. Have Self-Compassion

Self-compassion means treating oneself as they would a close friend. Remember that people with a fear of rejection live with anxiety, uncertainty, and fear every day. These are not easy things to live with. Put your hands over your heart and send yourself some compassion for all that you have been through and overcome.

6. Let Go of Guilt

Guilt about the past can cause people to feel bad about themselves and fear rejection or abandonment from others. Making amends where necessary and letting go of guilt can be a huge weight off your shoulders.

7. Practice Meditation

People who practice meditation are more able to be present in the moment, and it can help with not getting wrapped up in fears and negative self-talk. Start with 2 minutes a day and work up from there. There are many great, free resources available for getting started with meditation.

8. Prioritize Self-Care

Self-care is critical if one is going to build confidence, feel more self-assured and be less fearful. It’s hard for someone to value and stick up for themselves if they don’t treat themselves well. Prioritizing self-care is a way to show yourself that you matter.

9. Breathe

Research shows that fear of rejection can increase stress in the body, including the stress hormone cortisol. Try taking several slow breaths to decrease the stress response.6

10. Exercise

Exercise is shown to decrease stress, increase endorphins and improve self-esteem. All of these benefits can help reduce the fear of rejection and increase self-confidence. A good rule of thumb is to start with 20-30 minutes of exercise most days to get these benefits, but even as little as a 5-minute walk can make a difference!7

11. Notice What the Fear Feels Like in Your Body

When someone is dealing with an unpleasant emotion, they tend to either try to make it go away or obsess about it. Try approaching the feeling with curiosity about how it shows up in the body. Find a quiet place to sit and take a few breaths to get grounded. Then, scan the body from feet to head.

Notice any sensations, discomfort or even parts of the body that feel neutral or pleasant. Notice where the fear lives in the body and focus on the physical sensations, for example, “I notice that my chest feels tight”.

12. Remember That People Aren’t Focused on You

Many people walk into a room and immediately feel self-conscious or embarrassed. They feel like everyone is looking at them. In reality, people are also likely to be thinking about what others are thinking of them!

13. Meet New People

The more someone does something, the easier and more comfortable it can get. Start introducing yourself to people you meet. Shake their hand and ask them their name. This might seem really simple, but for someone with social anxiety or fear of rejection, this can feel really scary.

How Can Therapy Help?

Therapy can help someone with a fear of rejection get past that fear and start to feel more confident. Therapy can treat any underlying issues like social anxiety, OCD, PTSD, or ADHD, and can also help with confidence and self-esteem.  It’s helpful to find a therapist who has experience with this issue. Therapists of many different backgrounds, geographic areas, and clinical focus are available in an 

Final Thoughts

Fear of rejection can be hard to overcome, but there are ways to move forward and it is so worth it. This fear can stand in the way of so many wonderful opportunities, relationships, and connections in life. People who have lived with fear of rejection have struggled enough, and deserve to feel happy, free, and secure.