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I Lied to My Boyfriend because the Voice inside of My Head said it
When we have problems there is one person we told about our burdens inside. We are comfortable sharing it all 'cause we know they will understand. But we know each of us has a battle in life. Will you let others know your burdens to those who have it too?
I miss you so much! One day not around is like a week of longing for me. Thanks for still staying <3
There are days that we writers can't update here because we are busy in our daily life. We face the reality that we need to hustle for us to live. Most people wake early to prepare for work, there is a wife or a mother that takes care of all things, a student that studies very hard so that she can help soon for her family. Everyone experience struggles. It is up to them how they will gonna take it.
Most of the time my anxiety always surrounds me. They always running, jumping, hammering, and nailing my head. My boyfriend knows that I have it that's why he always worried. Every time that I haven't replied to his message he will come quickly to my apartment to check how I am. His house is not that far that's why he can easily go here.
I know to myself that I'm really not mentally healthy. As in. Sometimes I heard different voices in my head. (FYI. I never take illegal drugs!) I never told my boyfriend about it because I know he has a problem too. I always lied and say that I'm okay even I'm not because the voice inside of my head telling me that I will be a big burden to him. Also if you are tuning in my articles I mentioned before that I am 2 years older than him. I don't want him to worry much about me. I know that he is the guy, and guys take care of his lady but I'm not comfortable with that. Maybe because I used to be independent for a long time.
My phobias and traumas trigger me to think a lot. Even I don't want to think of it they still appear when I closed my eyes. Creepy? Yes, I see them! Especially when they are shouting.
I remember @JonicaBradley article about his son and his depression and I can't help to think that he is still lucky for having a great mom who is always there for him. I kinda envy him a bit. Sometimes I want to go and ask for help from professionals but the problem is, I don't have enough money to pay for the consultation fee and surely they will give me a prescription, and I'm not financially ready. Besides we have still debts that we need to prioritize. I don't want to open this up to my mom because she is working abroad and I don't want her to worry about me. I worried if my loved ones knows about these that's why I just let it out here.
You can never tell the person is struggling when you always see her smiling. You will think everything is okay until you heard her story. Sometimes those who always say they are fine are the ones who is trying to hold on but any minute they will gonna fall or drown.