I Lied to My Boyfriend because the Voice inside of My Head said it

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Avatar for Kelzy
Written by
3 years ago
In community: Open For All(cc80)
Topics: Mental Health, Free write, Common experiences

When we have problems there is one person we told about our burdens inside. We are comfortable sharing it all 'cause we know they will understand. But we know each of us has a battle in life. Will you let others know your burdens to those who have it too?

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I miss you so much! One day not around is like a week of longing for me. Thanks for still staying <3

There are days that we writers can't update here because we are busy in our daily life. We face the reality that we need to hustle for us to live. Most people wake early to prepare for work, there is a wife or a mother that takes care of all things, a student that studies very hard so that she can help soon for her family. Everyone experience struggles. It is up to them how they will gonna take it.

Most of the time my anxiety always surrounds me. They always running, jumping, hammering, and nailing my head. My boyfriend knows that I have it that's why he always worried. Every time that I haven't replied to his message he will come quickly to my apartment to check how I am. His house is not that far that's why he can easily go here.

I know to myself that I'm really not mentally healthy. As in. Sometimes I heard different voices in my head. (FYI. I never take illegal drugs!) I never told my boyfriend about it because I know he has a problem too. I always lied and say that I'm okay even I'm not because the voice inside of my head telling me that I will be a big burden to him. Also if you are tuning in my articles I mentioned before that I am 2 years older than him. I don't want him to worry much about me. I know that he is the guy, and guys take care of his lady but I'm not comfortable with that. Maybe because I used to be independent for a long time.

My phobias and traumas trigger me to think a lot. Even I don't want to think of it they still appear when I closed my eyes. Creepy? Yes, I see them! Especially when they are shouting.

I remember @JonicaBradley article about his son and his depression and I can't help to think that he is still lucky for having a great mom who is always there for him. I kinda envy him a bit. Sometimes I want to go and ask for help from professionals but the problem is, I don't have enough money to pay for the consultation fee and surely they will give me a prescription, and I'm not financially ready. Besides we have still debts that we need to prioritize. I don't want to open this up to my mom because she is working abroad and I don't want her to worry about me. I worried if my loved ones knows about these that's why I just let it out here.

I need to be okay.

Closing Thoughts

You can never tell the person is struggling when you always see her smiling. You will think everything is okay until you heard her story. Sometimes those who always say they are fine are the ones who is trying to hold on but any minute they will gonna fall or drown.

Thanks for stopping by! :)

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Avatar for Kelzy
Written by
3 years ago
In community: Open For All(cc80)
Topics: Mental Health, Free write, Common experiences

Comments

Thank you so much for telling us this. You are really brave for writing it down like this. I understand how you feel but I hope you will learn that there's really no need for you to hide it from him - he won't judge you for sure. 💗Be brave.

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User's avatar adoniis
3 years ago

He already knows :) Thanks for stopping by siz. Long time ^^

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User's avatar Kelzy
3 years ago

Its okay not to be okay♥️ Sometime all we need is someone who would understand our silent battles ♥️

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User's avatar itsmebring
3 years ago

Indeed. But how you will gonna tell them if they had battles too? :(

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User's avatar Kelzy
3 years ago

Heyy, I also have this kind of episode in my life. Di lang maiwasan though di naman ako depress or stress. Bigla bigla nalang talaga syang dumadating sakin and you have no choice but to fight it or else maloloka ka talaga. Parang nong kelan lang, diko gaanong tanda pero last last month siguro yon. Halos maloka loka talaga ako sa kaiisip ee yong nagtatalo talaga ang isip at puso ko. Yong di makapag decide ano bang dapat. Yong ang gulo, tas bigla nalang mabblangko ang isip. Ay basta maiba talaga tsk. Yong sakin minsan lang dumadapi sakin ee. Di naman kasi talaga ako depress gawa lang un nong about something kaya naganon ako.

Pero ikaw, wag ka kasi masyado mag isip. Siguro nag iisip ka ng todo kaya pati yong demon sa utak mo nakikisali na. Fight it please, and sometimes seeking help is not that bad. Just tell them what's really going on, ilabas mo ganon.

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User's avatar Ruffa
3 years ago

Hoho arigatouuu sa napakahabang mensahe dzai! Mahirap lang talaga maiwasan lalo na mag isa lang ako. Kada oras inaalala ko yung mga kamag anak ko ano na naman sasabihin sakin. Sila lang talaga stress ko. Mahina ako sa salitaan madali ako masaktan lalo na kung idadamay si mama :(

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User's avatar Kelzy
3 years ago

I can only imagine what you are going through, but take this from a young lad who has got the chance to start learning about life, thinking doesn't help solve anything and I think you should be able to communicate with your boyfriend when you feel down, communication is key to any relationship, seeing the way he cares about you I don't think you need to meet a therapist, you just need to talk to him and I know you will feel better, sometimes the loaf gets to heavy to bear alone, it is alright to want to be independent but human nature demands socialization, belongingness as well as Love.

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User's avatar Greatwolfman
3 years ago

Thanks for this advise bro ☺️ I really need this one. Anyways after I posted this article my boyfriend saw it and he's here earlier. I told him all about the voice in my head.

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User's avatar Kelzy
3 years ago

I feel you should open up to your boyfriend about this. It's always better when you talk about what you're feeling to someone else isntead of bottling it all up, it's slowly killing you. And while at it, also talk to your mom. It's her duty to worry about you and not the other way round

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User's avatar Kushyzee
3 years ago

Even I wanted too the doubts in my head keeps shouting me to not let it out to them. I'm afraid that their anxiety will taunt them every day just like mine.

By the way, thanks for stopping by Kuzhy <3

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User's avatar Kelzy
3 years ago

You will never know unless you try, it's ok to have doubts but let your boyfriend and mom worry about the anxiety, they can handle it. They will even appreciate it that you opened up to them and can even help you get professional help if you still need it

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User's avatar Kushyzee
3 years ago

Hey it’s ok. Relax. No one can feel what some one feeling deep inside of him/her. Though people will share there opinions.

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User's avatar Lucifer01
3 years ago
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