Thank you my beloved sponsor <3

I used to go home without you.

I eat myself without you.

I celebrate occasions without you.

I become independent because mom is always not around.

Words "If only" are already abused by me because I always say it a lot of times ever since I was 5.

If only dad never hurt us

If only we are financially stable

If only mom didn't leave us to our relatives for work

If only all of those thing didn't happen

Those are the thoughts of an innocent child, me.

There's a lot of question running in my head.

Why a kid like me needs to suffer those traumas?

Those bad memories? A broken family.

Other kids have parents every family day in school

I let other people hurt and scold me

When I'm sick no one is taking care of me

Why I am alone?

Until now I still have this burden in my heart. 19 years is already passed it's not yet cured. It is the root of the anxiety that I still suffering right now. I don't want to entertain my family relatives because they talk a lot about us, the history before. No one is there to defend me, until now.

Even mom give me also heartaches, my love for her didn't change. Because she is my mom. If no one defends me, maybe because I need to be strong for my mom so that I can defend her from those people who will plan to hurt her.

I remember when I was 4 she used to tie my hair in different styles. She cooks spaghetti that tastes like Jollibee. The house is always clean and it is all organized. She wants my picture displayed on the walls. When she wants me to nap at noon, I am lying near her armpit and hugging her tummy. I miss her smell. I miss mom.

Some tears coming out of my eyes while I'm typing this article. I miss my home.

My idea of a Perfect Christmas

Is to spend it with you

In a party or a dinner for two

Anywhere would do

Christmas is near

I wish you are home with me

I wish we can eat together

I wish to celebrate Christmas with you

I miss you, mom.

I wish you were here.

Lesson

No child needs to experience a broken family. The trauma that they suffer will note in their mind and heart.

I hope if you experience this kind of pain never let it feel again to your child or to your family.

Lucky you if you have a complete family. Protect it and feed it with love. Because family is family, and family is home.

Closing Remarks

Hearing my neighbor playing this Perfect Christmas by Jose Mari Chan earlier makes me feel miss mom more. I draft this earlier and plan to write by September but the song makes me cry and pushes me now to write.

© Lead Image - own photo edited in canva

Thanks for reading! <3

Kelzy Speaks

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https://noise.cash/u/Kelzy