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Motherhood

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Avatar for Kainat
Written by   14
4 months ago

Megh and I were married in love. After two years of love, everyone at home accepted. There was never a problem with love marriage in my house.

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I loved Megh very much. It's not that Megh loved less. I was the world of clouds.

Yes, I was because in the alleys of his life now my anagona is forbidden.

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Even after three years of marriage, we were not having children. We wanted to raise our own family. Her child has many hobbies. He used to caress his elder brother's sons and daughters a lot. I don't know how much he will caress the man when he has his own child, he will go crazy happily. I like to live on my own a lot so I was afraid of not having a child in three years. I was too scared.

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That day when he said look it is not possible for me to be with you I looked at him in surprise. I just asked him a question,

- Is it just a kid?

The cloud said,

- Yes,.

I heard the word yes in his mouth as if I wanted to die but I could not. I didn't say anything to him anymore because I couldn't speak.

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The next morning I went to my father's house without telling anyone, not even to Megh. I thought he would take me home from the office at night if he went all day. But he didn't come, not even a single call came from him. I stared at the phone again and again. Hoping for a call from him but it never came.

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I started screaming in the middle of the night with severe abdominal pain. I felt like I was about to die. I don't know what the pain of death is like, but the pain of that night was no less than the pain of death to me. Seeing me screaming like that, Megh cried. Clouds almost like going crazy. Megh rushed to the hospital in the middle of the night. When I went to talk to the doctor after doing various tests, I could not even think that then all the happiness, joy, color of my life will be random. I couldn't believe my ears when the doctor told me, "You can never be a mother again." So I did the test again and showed it to another doctor who said the same thing or I will never be a mother. I can't hear the mother's call. I will never be a mother.

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I haven't talked to anyone for almost two days, not even with the clouds. Megh did not tell me anything. The pain was so intense that day but I did not cry. What will happen if I don't have a child? I have a cloud. I will cling to the cloud and live, but that did not join my forehead. The cloud was no longer mine.

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Since I got the news that I can't be a mother, I have seen some amazing changes in the clouds. That cloud of mine seemed to be lost somewhere. Don't talk to me like before. Don't put your hand on my head. Don't love me like before. I saw another change in him.

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I couldn't bear to hear that I can't be a mother, but when Megh said that he can't stay with me, I couldn't accept that. Meghto was never like that. Did the child grow up with love? Is the pain of not being a child more than a cloud than me ?? No one will understand the pain of not being able to be a mother for a daughter. Never understand. Allah Ta'ala did not give anyone the ability to understand this. Although everyone can understand all the sufferings of the world, no one will understand this suffering. No one.

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After leaving, Megh never heard from me.

7 days later a letter came in my name. As soon as I opened the letter wondering what could happen, my world seemed to come to a halt. Divorce letter in my hand. Megh sent me a divorce letter. It was as if I had forgotten to cry that day.

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I haven't told anyone at home for so long and now there is no reason not to. So as soon as I asked my parents I told them I could never be a mother. Megh will never be able to give happiness to a child. So the clouds will not be with me. Want her baby not wife or love. So I did not shed tears. I accepted my guilt and signed it quietly. In a moment I got divorced from married. Then I did not even try to communicate with the clouds. Because I have nothing more to ask from those who do not want me.

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I get busy trying to normalize or keep myself normal.

I join a school and don't have time to think about the past after classes all day. Divya, my day was going well.

I was very tired from the test all day. I ate a push back home with a tired body. I never thought I would see this man again,

- How are you?

- I'm fine. How are you?

- After Dili?

- Me? What did I do?

- I left my troubles to myself. I could not share?

I stared at his face, I have nothing to say to him. After parents and the clouds, if anyone in the world knows or understands me well, it is the sun. The sun is my childhood friend. My best friend The sun was my companion of happiness and sorrow. I was saying because since the cloud came into my life, the sun started moving away for some reason.

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After the cloud and my engagement, one day I got the news that the sun has gone to Australia and will never come again. I got in a lot of trouble that day. He left without telling me. He gave it to me later. Before leaving, he could not even show the distance. He didn't even communicate with me anymore. I couldn't think of getting him at that time.

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These days I am meeting the sun almost every day. If I say I don't have time to meet today, he will pick me up from school. I met you on this pretext saying that I forbid you so much.

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I swear the day is going well. One full evening the sun came to my house,

- Why are you at this time?

- Why can't I come?

- Oh no, that's not what I'm saying. Come on boss.

- I didn't come to sit today, I came to pick you up.

- Me? Where?

- You know why I hurried away without telling you anything after your marriage was settled?

- You didn't tell me anything. I left without saying no.

- You didn't even want to know because I didn't say it. And did not even try to know.

- Actually ...

- You never understand how much I really love you.

I didn't expect to hear such words on his face. The sun sees me in amazement and says,

- Are you surprised? It should be a surprise. I never said I love you. But I thought you would understand but did not understand. I thought you would not be found by me, but look, you are the writing of destiny, you are writing my destiny. God has created you for me. Just me.

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He knelt in front of me,

- I want to marry you. Will you be my wife? Will you fill me up? Please don't come in my life just become mine.

I could not give any answer to his words. He is saying that he does not know everything. If I knew I could never be a mother. If I can't give him the happiness of a child, then all his love will be gone. Without answering, I said,

- I want to be a little alone. Please leave.

- I'll take you today.

- Please.

Dad has been saying for a long time that he wants to get married again but I know that no one will marry an imperfect girl like me and I can't ruin anyone's life knowingly. Seeing me in thought, the sun says,

- What are you thinking? Do you think I want to marry you without knowing? I don't know my Iti. Tell me, can I be incomplete? I don't want any children. If a child stands in the way of your love. Then China is my child. I want your love in exchange for anything I want. I want to hold on to you. Don't live with me? For me?

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I couldn't hold myself back anymore. I could not stop the tears accumulated for so long. I put my head on his chest and cried. I cried profusely. I started pleading with him,

- I want to be a mother ...

-You will be the mother of my child. How many children in the world who do not have parents will make our parents. Will give happiness to our child. Let's not give happiness to at least one parent. Don't deprive at least one person of parental affection.

I'm holding her and crying.

- The madness is mine. Get ready. I brought you a red tuktuk Benarsi. Our child is waiting for us.

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Rod took me to his house as his wife with my due respect.

I have seen someone marry in love. Not now that I love her.

The madness of the sun seemed to increase day by day. The first day he took me away, he told me,

- Listen, you don't have to say that you are married. You say it, you say it. I love your twita

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One morning he went out. He left without telling me anything. During these three months of marriage, he never went anywhere without telling me. Today, I am terrified that he will not tell me in such a hurry. I have been restless and anxious since morning. I can't eat, I can't calm myself. I don't know what danger is coming in my life again.

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I called him but he did not answer. I sat with longing in my mind. It was getting late in the afternoon and I couldn't help but cry to control myself. My parents became restless when they saw my crying. You are telling me that he will leave but I can't understand my mind at all. I cried and swollen my eyes and face and became lonely. The crying doesn't stop.

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Shortly after dusk I ran to the sound of the calling bell. As soon as I opened the door and saw him, I stopped. He looked at me and said,

- Babbah, one day we went out for a walk without you, father and son, that's why we cry so much. Go, I will not go anywhere but you. Our son is just like you, just crying.

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I'm looking at him and I'm surprised. Is he human? No, not human. He is an angel to me. My angel. In her lap is our newborn baby. He went to bring happiness for me. The happiness of motherhood. I don't know when he did so much. When he saw me standing like an idol, he said,

- Take your son in your arms.

As soon as he left with our child in my lap, I hugged him and started crying. It is a cry of happiness. The cry of being a mother. Someone will come across my lap. I never thought she would call me mother. My sun made me a mother today. I became a mother. Our son, our poetry, our child filled me.

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Today is the fifth year of my poetry. My poetry has filled my motherhood. The first day Kavya calls me mother, I feel as if I have got all the happiness in the world.

As soon as the bell rang, the memories of the past came back to reality. As soon as I opened the door, my poetry came running to me. The sun says to the poem,

- That the father will gently hurt the mother.

I embraced the poem and said,

- My father prayed with his father

- Mom, Dad and I prayed in front.

- Oh, my father.

As soon as I started running after him, the sun grabbed me and said,

- Is there anyone running around so slowly, madam?

- Sorry ....

- Let's see what my Amazon does.

The sun began to caress my stomach with its hands. Allah accepted the prayer of the sun and told me that I would be the mother of his child. God made me pregnant with my sun child. And only three months after that our house will light up and our child will come InshaAllah.

As the sun shone, I asked,

- How do you know you're a girl?

- I know because God has given us a son, so now inshallah he will fill our family with a girl.

- Amen.

I said to myself, may Allah accept all your prayers.

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Kavya came running towards us. The world of our happiness revolves around poetry. Poetry is my child. Our children. Our poetry has made me a mother. Our poetry has filled my motherhood.

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Avatar for Kainat
Written by   14
4 months ago
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