Something I have learned from the market is that change is the only constant and unless you cope with change, you will not make it out. I had been in some dark corners. With all telling me that I'm never going nowhere, the whole time I kept telling myself that every other opinion from without me is just that, an opinion- without me. I kept true to my dreams, goals and visions, they telling me that the dreams are no more, I carry on like a buffalo soldier for I know no limits. Build a foundation with the bricks they throw, when you barricade yourself they complain. Trust the vibrations, even if your physical self isn't moving now, trust that when you recognise the vibe not being right, your vibes will start gravitating towards the truest truths calling out for you. Trust that what you want, wants you too for the reasons that you want it. This is super basics, keep doing what you do, you got the grit.... Ever wonder what grit really is? It's derived from inter(grit)y, to be true to yourself in alignment with your goals, dreams and visions. Your dreams, goals and visions are ahead of you, though you have created them by the thought already you don't built a time machine to get them but you work hard in alignment towards your deepest desires, with or without help. And in staying true, keeping it moving- the notion of keeping it moving is far from physical, you find stagnation in all states of life, people are stagnated by greed, hate, love, by other people, by union, by food or the good life say the comfort zone as they like to call it. That's the enemy, not the people or yourself. The moment you move past yourself and others, all you will see is numbers, frequencies aligning with your path or not aligning. If it doesn't align with your deepest desires you can stay there till you die but your heart was never there.
Every time I get into this state of expression, where I am busy harnessing power from my anger that shouldnt be there, I ask myself what would I rather be doing? Trading always comes first, there was never a day that I didn't want to be trading in some way or the other. It all puzzles me in that' I'm finding it hard to stick it together. Every time that happens and I cannot move, I find ways to resolve the tension so that when I move the tension is dissolved but the puzzle comes from me not worrying about anything at all, not life or riches, not much of energies in exception of keeping the right vibe that's in alignment with my desires thats my dreams, goals and visions. There is so much help around but it's not in alignment with it.
The people are good, they are great, lovely and just really complimentary at least when they want to be. There's a lot of things you are just expected to know for some reason or another you don't know these things. For these reasons certain fears grew in you and they chase the peace out of you like a wild fire you swept across the country, back and forth like a ball hitting blockages till you found a way out but then you saw yourself back again all the while you keep learning from yourself. How to love yourself better, how to not take offense of others projections on you. These projections had you worried until you learned tricks of the traits, time and time again you are progressing through the same cycles. The progress is so real but so is the hate, then you catch up with that hate, hold it by the collar and ask it, what type of dillusions are you. Be gone! Since then every projection is just that. No matter how deep in my back it might have gone, it's still just that, an illusion, a projection. An undefeated state of mind, undefeated state of being grows with the tides. This state learns with the punches taking it all in, absorbing all that shock then transmutating the shock into something supremely useful like the much needed drive to focus on the fact that no one will come for you, they will tear you apart and if you happen to know how to pull yourself together they will keep tearing you apart hoping that one day you will just be gone. There's nothing sad about that, not that there are any resentments to be had anyway. It takes a long time to be in the turmoil, and smile through the hell, the recognition that none of it is real, it's all a dream, that is the best way to calm oneself. Other than yourself, there is nothing that can calm you when you are shook up and trust that you need to be worthy for you to be shaken time and time again. Once you slowly start to recognize your worth you soon realize that you don't even have to try. Just smile, laugh, move your whole self from whatever vibrations it's been stuck in and vibrate higher. Sure you might need a boost of pure water, sea moss, moringa, some smoke or a drink or two. Once you know your worth, that knowledge is such a vibe on its own. You don't need to know too much, simply knowing that you are worthy is enough. That vibe will have you move to better realms of being, you can be here physically but your inner worlds are so far away into the blissfulness of self worth that whatever the one without will do, they can never trouble the one within. All these earthly attachments fall off like masks, you will see yourself in the mirror and see a different you every single time, for better or for worse it won't matter cos what matters is the light in your eyes. The eyes never grow any larger or smaller, they are the only organ in the human body that never grows as in to become bigger they stay the same, but the fire in your eyes. There are moments that fire light up so much that you don't realise how many of your own lies fall off with every glimpse.
People are good! Best believe that when they don't click, it don't mean they are crude and even if they are that's their own beings, you and your path, your lane are moving forth. Those that are with you don't ever need to qualify you in anyway shape or form for they are with you regardless. They have been with you and will always be with you. You can never break away from them no matter how hard you try for they are not your friend or your family, they are you. They never judge you, whatever you do, you do.
You found yourself going back and forth believing this and that then it becomes a pattern that you always seem to have dimentia of at the begining, stay just long enough and the delusions set in. It took a lot to get to this stage of seeing these cycles as stepping stones. You just have to go through them come hail or thunder. Yes you are coming off slow but whose actually doing all these measurements? Who cares? You don't seem to care about that, you seem to care more about your focus, the growth, not much the yield. What use will it be yielding your greatest wills in an environment that your very own vibes can't wait to be out of? A few things will slip out here and there as you keep busy but God forbid the mammoth. It just doesn't align, that part just won't come through not until you approve, till then it's going to be stepping stone after another.
The summed up key lesson here is to get to know yourself, you are obviously not who you use to be and that will tell you so much of who you are now and point you in the direction that you really need to go. The path is clear, clean and set forth so obviously that you couldn't miss it even if you were blind or are you blinded? Great you had time dealing with what had you blinded, you have learned to tone it down bit by bit till it disappeared and it comes back again in variations so you learn to fix the the drip holes from too much letting through your aura. You learn so much and you loved the lessons, the extremes are sweet but now you are facing these earthly attachments.
One of my favourite singer/songwriter sings about how the world can disappear-wouldnt notice wouldn't care. After all that I have been through, all the beauties I've seen and what not after all that I come to a point of truly singing in one accord with her as she sings that the world can disappear, wouldn't notice wouldn't care, we can have our own universe right here in a blink of an eye just us. Me myself and I.
Now in that very state of mind I find the fuck I had been looking for for so long, that's the empty fuck that's left to give. There is care in that state right there, to not put it out twisted, everything and everyone else is in other states of my being. This is my favourite one, the one who asks why I keep finding myself back in these settings. For so long we have left and always found ourselves back here. Wondering when and what I'll have to do to let myself know that we are not wanted here. Time and time again we kick their masks off and still help them put them back. Hopefully tattoos will do the trick cos we had pretty much tried it all enough to know that the next one has to be hard. The writing we do now has to be harder! The going that will be done will get us too far, so far that it'd be a major inconvenience to ever come back. And yes these are my words to myself cos I don't get it. Maybe if I save it on the cloud or future mail myself and read it later I'll realize how fd up I had been. Hopefully I'll have better focus next time I read this, ain't about anything without. All about us.
Love n light!
Bless up!
15/11/2020