Hi it's me again, you know what? Im enjoying this platform coz I can say what every I want to say. Those feelings that I can't tell to anybody just to myself.
If you don't read my first story about my Almost A Love Story you can't relate here so if I were you read that first here's the link for you.
I know that Im not a good story teller and I really really admit that. But I just want to share my own story to you.
So, Let's start !
March 3, 2017 when we broke up, Im so upset that time, Im so down but thanks to my friends that always makes me feel that Im not alone, thanks to them I can still manage to smile again. They are one of a few reasons why I accept the fact that 'H' don't love me anymore. They always there when I need someone to talk with, we drank and go somewhere else just to make me happy but still not enough. How can I move on that time if I see his face wherever I go? to our place, in our school and even in our house we had a lot of good memories. My family and friends they always ask me why we broke up? coz we're good before he left me. I just smile and try to control my emotion, I don't want them to see me cry.
Every night I cried, every night I always ask myself ' What's wrong with me?' ' Did I become more clingy? that's why he left me?' I don't know what to think that time. Everytime I cried in silence it's hurts me more and more, so I decided to stop myself from hoping. Hoping that we can be together again and Hoping that he still love me because he's not.
They said that there's 5 level of moving on. denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance
Denial - this is the stage where you always think that he still love you or he just want to try something new that's why he left, you but on your mind you want him back, you still hoping that he will be back again. You denied the fact that he doesn't love you anymore and always think that he's still into you.
Anger - anger not to him but to yourself because you think that it was your fault that's why he left you.
bargaining - you still following him/her and stalking him/her ask him/her to get back to you, you will lower your own pride just to win him/her back.
depression - because he/she don't want to back to you you feel so many emotions, you feel stressed let your emotions eat you.
Acceptance - this is the best and the last part of moving on. The part that you already accept the fact that you can't turn back time and accept that you can't get back the broken relationship of yours. This is the part where you can smile and say that you really moved on.
And in my cases? I feel all of this level, I always staking his social media accounts. I also tried to get some news to our circle of friends to know more about him. I tired to lower my pride just for him, but nothing will change he still choose that girl over me and it makes me feel so devastated that time.
But like what the song say's "There's a rainbow after the rain" and that rainbow of mine is myself who completely moving on. I can smile without any pain in my heart, I can walk without thinking that I might bump into him and our love story will continue and I can look in his eyes without any hesitation that I might fall to him again. I changed for the better and good, I change for myself and I change because Im tired, Im tired of crying and pretending that Im Ok coz Im really not.
But Im still not ready to love again. I just want to see myself to grow first. To do what really makes me happy and to grow as a person.
I study hard and don't mind what other people says. Before I finished my Grade 10 I reach my goals. I became a class Top 1, Best in Mathematics and become one of the top student in our whole batch (though Im not good in English but I tried haha). Im feel so blessed that time because I see how my parents being proud of me.
One thing is for sure that God never give us a fight in life without knowing that we can survive. He love us and he only wants us to be stronger every minute of our life. Remember that If I can, you also can.
NOTE: Hi! Im not Good in English but I tried so please respect and Im open with some corrections. Thank you