Questions People Ask Us as WLW Couple

When was the first time you realized you weren’t exactly straight?

If you’re anything like me and many others in our fabulous community, I’m sure your coming-out story is a unique blend of euphoria and revelation. Whether you’re into bisexual, pansexual, queer, or anyone who makes your heart flutter, falling in love with a woman brings a special kind of magic.

As for me, I identify as pansexual. Pansexuality is the romantic, emotional, and/or sexual attraction to people regardless of their gender. People who identify as pansexual, like myself, might experience attraction towards certain individuals but not others, without considering gender as a factor in that attraction (Lowell, 2021).

Even as a kid, I knew I wasn’t straight. My first big crush was on my best friend, who was also a girl. Fun fact: she eventually came out too, but we stayed besties and thankfully did not develop anything romantic. We are so good at being best friends. But while my crush on her was fleeting, it was a lightbulb moment for me—it made me realize I wasn’t as straight as a ruler. Anyway, it wasn’t until college that I fully realized I was pansexual. Now, at 26, I’m in a relationship with a wonderful woman. This journey has led me to some amusing and often eye-opening questions from others about my WLW (women loving women) relationship. Here are two of the most common questions I get asked:

1. Who is the ‘guy’ in the relationship?

This question always makes me chuckle. The assumption that relationships need to follow traditional heterosexual norms where one partner being masculine and the other feminine is deeply ingrained in our culture. People often think one partner must be dominant or protective (typically seen as the man’s role), and the other more nurturing (typically seen as the woman’s role). This notion is so entrenched that many can’t seem to wrap their minds around WLW relationships.

But to answer your question: in my relationship, neither of us is the ‘guy.’ As a pansexual woman dating a bisexual woman, we celebrate our femininity while also enjoying acts of service for each other. We share lipstick, borrow each other’s clothes, and if one of us gets catcalled on the street, you better believe it’s going to be a bloodbath. In WLW relationships like ours, these gender roles do not apply because the two of us can be both soft and vulnerable and masculine and strong at the same time. But not gonna lie, it really depends on the mood.

2. Do you also kiss? How do you kiss?

Of course, we kiss—every chance we get! The level of intimacy in a WLW relationship goes beyond physical acts. When we form a bond, there’s an undeniable urge to touch, to feel each other’s skin. Kissing is a natural part of our connection, just as it is in any other romantic relationship.

Having been in a long-term relationship with a guy, I can honestly say that the intimacy with my girlfriend is far more passionate. Sometimes, I look at her and marvel at how beautiful she is, then eventually realized that our kisses are not just physical; they’re a deep expression of our connection. We have playful kisses, fiery kisses, and lots of small kisses accompanied by smiles and laughter. Plus, my woman has the most delicate lips and the softest kiss you can imagine.

These questions may be frustrating, but I choose to educate rather than get angry about it. So, if you want to read more about my journey in the gay community, please make sure to follow me here on this website.#