Just an Usual Story

Hey guys, what’s up? My name’s Jamie and I’m 20, but this story took place last year, when I was 19. You might not believe me at first, but I swear: it all actually happened. And it happens to people way more often than you’d think.

I was 19, in my first year of college and I was a regular college guy: young, wild, not a care in the world. I may have been a bit of a partier. OK, I was a major partier. But who can blame me?

I had a great fake ID and I was on my own for the first time, states away from my parents and able to do anything I wanted! When Spring Break rolled around, my older cousin Josh suggested a trip to Vegas and of course I said yes.

Josh was 21 and enjoyed the party scene just as much as I did. So yeah, I was pretty excited for what I’d be experiencing my first time in Vegas. I packed all the necessities: cool outfits to wear when we hit the town and my precious fake ID (tucked safely in my wallet).

I slept the entire flight because I was still so hungover from the night before. I have no idea why I agreed to an early flight. Not a good idea. When we landed, we caught a cab straight to the hotel. We got a great deal on our room and it was SUPER nice.

Hot tub, great view of the Strip, and a carpet so soft it felt like you could sink into it. My first thought was “I could get used to this.” How did our first night on the town go? Guess what!

Nothing went wrong! We checked out a few casinos, hit up a couple nightclubs, and then just roamed the streets. Both of us were carefree and just happy to be alive. I couldn’t get over all the neon lights glowing everywhere.

It felt like Las Vegas itself was alive and partying with us. Pretty sure we stayed out until 3am, got some UberEats delivered to our room, and promptly passed out surrounded by food wrappers and french fries.

Not a pretty sight, but I was having the time of my life. It was just what I needed. Gonna warn you in advance: night two did not go as well. And by that, I mean everything went TERRIBLY wrong.

At this point, I should point that, yeah, I have a lot of friends I met in college and I party with them all the time, but I don’t have a ton of luck with the ladies. I think it’s my party lifestyle.

Their loss, though. Doesn’t bother me too much. I hook up with girls at parties all the time, but they’re never interested in anything serious. Neither are the girls at school. I guess I have a bit of a “reputation,” whatever that means.

So, night two begins and I order my first Vodka Red Bull at the bar. After that thing, I felt like I had the energy to straight-up FIGHT a bull. I don’t usually drink much caffeine, so I was pretty much off the rails after I had a couple more rounds.

We ventured to a popular nightclub next, drawn in by the fake neon palm trees glittering outside. They seemed to advertise a good time. Once we were in line, I saw her: the girl. Dressed kinda different than the other Vegas nightlife chicks, in an oversized band tee with fishnets and her hair hanging in cool braids.

Something about her made me stare. She seemed so… different than everybody else. Josh noticed me checking her out. “Go and talk to her!” he urged, like it was the simplest thing in the world.

He was tall and easygoing. He had no problems getting girls. I laughed and shook my head. Maybe when I had some more liquid courage in me, I’d shoot my shot. Speaking of shots, it was tequila time.

Messed up my order a couple times and accidentally finished the shot with salt instead of lime, but no one saw me do it, so it was cool. After I downed a shot or two, my confidence was soaring and the caffeine was racing through my veins and I was ready to talk to the girl I saw outside.

I walked up to her and introduced myself. “Hi,” she said in a beautiful, husky voice. “Nice to meet you, Jamie. I’m Elizabeth.” Without saying anything else, she grabbed my hand and pulled me to the dance floor.

I was smitten. She smelled amazing (tropical fruit, maybe?). And she was a good dancer. I’m definitely not. I’m pretty useless on the dance floor, but she didn’t mind. I caught Josh’s eye across the room and he gave me a thumbs up.

He was talking to a girl, too—of course—so I gave him one back. A little while later, hard to remember how long, I bought another round of tequila shots for me and Elizabeth. After that, the rest of the night was kind of a blur.

I think I remember some more dancing and somehow making it to another nightclub. I lost track of Josh at some point. There was more dancing, more shots, and then the two of us stumbling through the streets, laughing as we held onto each other for balance.

My head was spinning like we were in a tornado and after that… nothing. No more memories. I blacked out.To my surprise, I woke up the next morning in the big, plush bed in my hotel room. It would have been a nice way to wake up if I hadn’t immediately had to run to the bathroom to throw up.

I had never been so hungover before, and that’s really saying something. As my brain started to clear up, I noticed a few things. First, Elizabeth was still sprawled across my bed, snoring like an old man. She stayed the night! Score! I had a good feeling about her.

That was when I felt something on my hand and my heart sank. I looked down and my worst fears were confirmed. There was a cheap ring on my left ring finger. Seriously?!

I ran over to Elizabeth and saw a matching band on her finger. Maybe it was a joke? Sure, I had heard you could get married easily in Vegas, but it couldn’t be THAT easy! My queasiness was starting to go away when I looked at the nightstand and felt like I was going to throw up all over again.

There, clear as day, was a certificate from a Las Vegas wedding chapel with our names on it. Oh my God. I was 19 and married to a stranger in Vegas. Things went from bad to worse when Elizabeth woke up and I showed her the certificate and rings.

That’s when I found out she had a boyfriend. A fiancé, actually. She’d just taken off her engagement ring for her night out. Maybe my gut feeling about her had actually just been indigestion. Plus, she was a lot older than me. 25.

That’s not as bad, but I still felt weird.

Both of us were trying not to hyperventilating when Josh walked in. He came in for a high-five when he noticed the certificate.

“Jamie, please tell me that’s a joke,” he said, his voice full of despair. I shook my head. “I wish it was. What the hell do we do?!” We did some Googling on our phones and found out this happens kind of a lot.

It turns out that drunk people really like getting spontaneously married, which they hate once they sober up. We found a thread on Reddit where someone did the same thing. I started reading the top comment.

“It says that you can get the marriage cancelled without an attorney if you say you were mentally incompetent or not able to comprehend what you were doing at the time. Well, we were both wasted last night and I definitely didn’t know you were engaged.”

I shot Elizabeth a dirty look when I said that last part. She didn’t even bother to look ashamed. The only reason I hadn’t kicked her out was that, like it or not, she was my wife now and I needed to divorce her.

We found the address of the chapel and went back. Neither of us remembered ever being there, but it happened. We couldn’t believe they didn’t breathalyze us or anything before letting us sign lifelong legal contracts!

The lady at the desk directed us to someone who could start the annulment process. That’s where we found out it could take TWO DAYS! Maybe even more.

So there I was: forced to spend two days in Las Vegas going through legal proceedings with my wife, who was engaged, who I didn’t like or want to be around, and my patient cousin, who was understandably mad at me for ruining our whole trip.

Luckily, it had been pretty easy to prove that we had not been able to consent to marriage at the time. We were clearly drunk. But all the paperwork going back and forth took forever. When everything was final, we got a call confirming that the marriage was officially annulled and no longer legally binding.

I just wanted to make sure no one ever found out I was a divorcee at the tender age of 19! After the phone call, I turned to my now ex-wife. “No offense, Elizabeth,” I started to say, then stopped myself.

“Actually, FULL offense, Elizabeth: get out of my life. And break up with your fiancé. He deserves better than someone who goes behind his back like this.” She scurried out of the room without even looking back.

I hoped she would tell him or, at least, break up with him. I also hoped I’d never see her again. I turned to Josh to apologize. “Bro, I’m so sorry about all of this. It was so stupid to do. I need to chill out on drinking for a while.

I don’t ever want to be so drunk that I can’t remember doing something crazy like getting married! I understand if you’re still mad—“ Josh cut me off with a massive bear hug.

“Jamie!

You’re so goddamn stupid, but I know you learned your lesson and you’ll never do anything this dumb again.” He was right. I had and I wouldn’t. We ended up going to dinner at this awesome all-you-can-eat pizza place. I did pass out again that night, but it wasn’t due to alcohol. I was just so full of garlic bread. We had a few more great days in Vegas and I knew that Josh had truly forgiven me.

Thank God!

He’s a great guy. Even after the trip was over and I was home, I felt weird for a while. I had come to terms with the fact that I had to cut back on the drinking and partying. It took a while to change my lifestyle and find new friendships not based around partying.

But I did make the change and I’m a lot happier with myself now. Plus, I’ve dropped five points now that I’m not downing beer-after-beer every weekend! Josh and I swore we’d never tell anyone what happened.

I still haven’t, over a year later.You’re the first people I’ve ever told. Kinda feels great to get this crazy story off my chest.

On a serious note, please remember to drink responsibly and safely. I don’t care if you use a fake ID, that’s your choice (though it IS illegal). Just make sure you’re with people you trust and you pace yourself as you drink.

Thanks for reading Like I said, I feel a lot better now that I’ve shared this.