"I thought my life is worthless. I don't have stable job, I don't have any talent. I am nothing."
I just finished my study last 2018 and graduated with a bachelor degree in Psychology, I am originally came from batch 2009 but I failed to graduate because I'm a victim of early marriage. Just a reminder from all youth today,don't let your curiousity put you into something that make your future destroy. I admit that I regret everything. I never thought of my father's sacrifices that time who is an Overseas Filipino Worker. I am a big disappointment to the family. I decided to continue my study last 2017 while working in a project base job. Luckily, I graduated last 2018 but I never had a chance to march because I am pregnant to my third child. I never had a chance to use my education in a corporate world. I did'nt get a stable job, I am working for a project base or seasonal job. Most of the time, I am just only at home. Taking care of my three children and doing the household chores. I am just looking for opportunities to earn on my own even when I'm at home to help my partner provide our needs.
Sometimes, I'm blaming myself especially when I am seeing my parents borrowing money to other people and even in lending companies. There comes a point that my mother were invited to the barangay hall for a money issue. I can only help them if I have a work. But I cannot give them my full financial support because I also have my own family. Before pandemic, my mother became ill. I don't know what to do because we don't have money to buy her medicines and confine her into the hospital. I'm just thankful that there are lot of people who had a helping heart. Until now, she's still in debt. There are so many struggles and many judgemental people that might say that my diploma is useless. I think the same way. It's useless. I am useless.
Yes, I am a big failure. I don't know what the future brings, I am 32 now...I almost lose my self-confidence to apply in a company and became a regular employee. Sometimes, I am thinking about my children's future. How can we give them a good education when I have nothing? I am nothing. My partner's salary is just enough for the needs of our family. Nothing more.
That's why Im asking, Is my self worthy?
But those words...
Doesn't makes me weak at all,instead, I used those as a weapon to face all the trials in life. I become stronger everyday because of my children, they are my strength. I just hope and pray to God that He will guide us all the time and take us away from any danger and illnesses especially this time of pandemic.
To those who read this, please bear in mind that God give us diferent purpose in life. You may experience many failures but it doesn't mean that you have to be weak. There are so many reasons to live, there are many people who loves us despite of the worst thing we ever had. Just fight and believe in God's process. I'm still not sure about what will happen to our future but I trust God with all my heart and follow His will.
Hello dear, I read your post and it made me sad hearing about your dilemma. Life is really tough, I know that. Specially you have three kids and you said you have no stable income. I feel you, I once also thought of that before when I resigned from my job just so I can take care of my son. I always pity myself because I cannot contribute to the matters financial. I had an experience before that I don't have money in my pocket because it was not salary day yet for my husband that I cannot afford to buy a cookie for my son. That time I kept on moping about why I resigned I used to earn money, I can buy things that I wanted but since I stopped working everything changed. But you know what I realized, I am not unworthy, I am not a loser just because I cannot contribute to the financial matters. I am a mother. I exchanged my job just so I can take care of my own son. I changed my perspective. I tried learning new skills. I empowered myself. Above all I became closer to God. I became active at church. I met new friends who can help me to grow. So, my advice to you as a friend. Try looking for ways to empower yourself while taking care of your kids. Try doing online selling, you could do a meet up near your place. Try learning handicrafts if you like doing some, like crochet. I have friends and family who crochets and they are earning from their creations. Make some home made goodies, like chilli's they are in now. Utilize the internet it is a powerful tool nowadays. Specially now with the pandemic, everything is done online. Assess yourself what are your hobbies and maybe you could business out from them. All businesses starts from doing what they love, example baking and many more.
Pray as well sis, I know God hears and answers all our prayers. Just keep the faith, trust and believe. All will be well. Remember Life is good, life is fun. Count your blessings. Stay positive. Life is beautiful. Look for the good in everything. I know great and marvelous things are coming for you.