I am writing in the middle of the night. By the time I am finished might be morning already. But I won't mind. Let me just go on with my ramblings. I may sleep on this but I will continue when I wake up.
I think I'm so much blessed that I have the guts to be writing here. There are over fifty thousand users here. Let us say that many are already inactive but as can be seen on the homepage, there are still thousands of users who are currently writing. Hence, I'm so much blessed with the guts.
I have no formal study about writing. I just happen to love doing it. I write randomly. I write in my notebook, on the blog site, and anywhere where I could write. I even write on a tissue if it's the only available paper.
There are times that I feel like I wanted to write nonstop. There were also times when I couldn't get the words right. Or the tone. But then as I write I observed that all the more I could write smoother. So let me go on rambling.
It was a little past midnight when I started writing. It was raining. I love the feeling. Nostalgic. Reminds me of the past. More of my love life. Once in a while in this stressful world, we get to enjoy the simplicity of life. I now have my own family and I love having these nostalgic feelings.
Sometimes I wish that I have done better with my choices. If I could turn back time, I would've chosen differently. But we all know life does not work backward. All we can do is keep moving forward.
I have a lot of what-ifs. But even expressing those is hard sometimes. I have to indulge in writing anonymously. I have to be alone when writing. No one should see what I am up to. After all, we're in a crypto world. If that ever fits in as a reason. But then I needed a quieter space. To write, express, and pour my emotions.
Such is a life I am living. I'm so much pierced by the nails I've hammered. I've hammered to my own back. Who would've known I'd be living like this? I only realized my hardships when I write about them. Yes, is am feeling sad at the same time liberated. When you write you will feel a lot of emotions and you can't help but recall everything with what you are writing about.
Some may see my life as a happy one. But those who eventually learn of my circumstances will feel the weight of my problems.
I believe now that we should always see to it that we will not be in debt. Whether with money, promises, or words. Just say what you can act on. Just spend what you have earned. Don't wish for things you can't afford yet. Get to work first before attending to your luxuries.
Now I only wanted to be free. But then I believe there is no total freedom. We are somehow bounded by one thing or another. Our minds are bounded. Our hearts are bounded. Our souls are bounded. It is almost impossible not to be bounded.
I always hate the fact that I have limited freedom. If only I could just write for hours every day. Only worrying about what I eat and what I wear. But it has quite gone chaotic inside me. Freedom has no more meaning when you're basic rights have been abused.
In short, there is no such thing as freedom. There should always be an attachment: freedom from chores, freedom from low self-regard, freedom of speech, freedom from finances, and so on. With each declared freedom comes responsibility/ies.
Did I just sleep? Where is my feature? What chair did we use? Am I dreaming? What am I asking?
I'm finishing this before daybreak. I started past midnight but I seemed to have slept on it. I guess this is only where I could take off.
These are just my ramblings. I thank you for reading.