Escaping Darkness

Life isn't all about happiness. There are times that we felt the negative emotions of it without a plan, that we can't even dodge it.

Life is full of emotions. Emotions we often have control. Like many says, "Life is like a roller coaster ride". It has twists and turns.

Have you ever felt that you are trap in darkness? That no one can save you except yourself? Well I am. I was once trapped, that I'm looking for a hand that can pull me.

It was the beginning of pandemic. I know that some people felt what I felt. Maybe because of the scare that the covid-19 brought. The thought of its effects can turned a perfectly sane person to a paranoid one.

I can't exactly remember how it started. All I know if I am perfectly fine. Doing fine. Making myself busy and entertained myself despite being lock at home. I still enjoying those days despite the lockdown. And June 2020 when I discover readcash because of my friend. That's add some hobby to my day to day activity. Readcash awaken my sleeping love of writing. Since then, read cash became journal, the outlet of my hidden thoughts and emotions, and also the stories I never told.

Around August, I noticed that something is wrong with me. When night broke, that the surrounding becomes in total darkness, floods of negatives keeps rushing in. It enters my ears from both left and right and stuck in my brain. And soon I realized, I fell in depression.

Countless sleepless nights I can't control my thoughts. I tried to shove the negative thoughts but they are stucked in my head. They seems like they are at the very bottom of my brain, trying to plucked them, trying to removed them, but I failed do so.

In morning I am fine, being jolly all the time, but as soon as the nights falls, a tears fall in my eyes. Darkness eating my consciousness, filling up with thoughts of sadness, sorrows, and apprehensions.

I searched online on some symtoms of depression and how to overcome it. I also took some different depression test and all of them evaluated me with mild depression. I don't know if those tests are really reliable or legit, but based on the results, symptoms and what I felt that time, I know its right.

I need someone to talked too. Someone I can vent and listen to my supplications. Hesitate, I contacted few of my friends. I know some of them are busy, but still I am hoping I can talk to anyone. Since I need an immediate person whom I can talk too, I scrolled my messenger app and looked for anyone who is online at that moment and I found two of my friends are active. I immediately type my messages and sent it both to them. I didn't first told them about my situation, but soon after our conversation lasted for a minute or two, I opened up to them.

I thought I finally found someone to talked too, but everything I said to them their replies always had a "haha". They thought that I am joking, but hell no! I am dead serious, but they don't believed me. It annoys me, so I stopped messaging them for the time being and look for someone else who can understand and most especially believe me. Lucky, I my friend also feeling what I am feeling. From then on we exchange our thoughts and somehow it helps me. But our conversation was so short, and after that we never get the chance to talk again.

Feeling in great sorrow, I find a way to get myself out into the darkness. I had a long and countless night battle with my thoughts and atlast, I won. I escaped the darkness. The long tunnel of darkness finally ends and I see the blinding lights of new beginning.

How?

My enemy is myself, and no one can defeat it except myself. Since the cause of my sorrow and depression is the negative thoughts that filling my mind, I exchange it with any positive thoughts I can think. Its quite hard but from continuous efforts and perseverance, I freed myself.

Now, I can sleep peacefully. No more countless sleepnes nights.

And this is my story of how I escaped darkness.

This is my writing prompt about "Darkeness" that started by @JonicaBradley .

If you want to make one too, feel free to do so. Just make sure it is 100% original, atleast 600 words, tag @JonicaBradley and most especially have fun writing.

Thank you.

June 18, 2021