First half of 2021: a free trial

We were just napping one afternoon during the last day of 2020, we were dreaming about possibilities of the pandemic finally coming to an end. And then we woke up to cheers and fireworks, we reached 2021.

The news says there's still a pandemic so we took another nap, we slept, and woke up to the calendar showing it's already June.

Wait a minute. June? How is it June already and halfway through the month? It felt too quick!

That's how my first half felt like. Too quick, like we're running and running but nowhere to go. Until we reached the sixth month and here we are now, kind of confused.

This article will discuss how my 2021 is going so far. What i did, how i was, and why I'm here at read.cash. Are you ready? Coz I'm ready!

I am Julienne, i am 21 and let's say I'm an adult, who doesn't act like an adult. Hence, the lack of time management.

I did have plans to do though. To exercise, do better at school, do commissions and write more. And all these? They kind of failed.

Exercising

I weigh about 96 kilos, i am 165 cm tall and you could probably imagine how I look like. Average height but fat. I don't like how i look, how i can't fit inside the clothes I want, how i can't even wear a dress because my legs are too big.

So i decided to exercise.

Everything was going well, i did intermittent fasting and also applied the HIIT exercise i found on youtube. I lost about 3 kilos and then, I think i found it too slow, i got discouraged and so i stopped. Both exercise and watching my calorie intake, I stopped those.

I ate more again. I gained back what I lost. Basically i failed. And then i thought to myself, "maybe i should just accept that this is gonna be my body forever.

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School and reading

I have a goal of becoming a Dean's Lister, to finally see my name on that list of students who did so well at class they managed to fish an award of free studies for one semester. I wish to become part of that list.

And so i created a plan. I must study at least one hour per day per subject. Another hour for advance reading, and another hour for recap.

I did well, I did so well that i even managed to push myself to wake up at 6 am to study and read other books outside of academics. And then the day of examination arrived. I passed, but my grade was not high enough, i got disappointed and lost my push to work extra on my studies.

Once again, i kind of failed. I have a passing grade but to me i failed. I only have two subjects, but why can't i perfect them? It's so disappointing.

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Writing and Commissions

I got lazy, i stoped reading in advance and stopped exercising, and just returned to my old unproductive self. That is until i read something on pinterest that Piqued my imagination, and so i started writing.

Since the beginning of this year, i managed to write about a hundred literary pieces. They're not long ones, but short proses consisting an average of 300 words per piece. To me, it was a success.

Up until now, I'm I'm still writing. I made a chamber at noise.cash for my prose and poetry, and somehow it's doing good!

And because I love writing, I decided to write commissions.

It was fun during the first week, also during the second. And then the excitement kind of died when i reached the third week because no one's approaching me anymore.

No one's asking, "hey, could you please write something about this for this amount of money?"

No one. Just, no one. And that kind of made me think what if my works aren't commission worthy? What if they aren't even that great to begin with? And those doubts got worse when i realized my friends were the only ones who commissioned me. What if they only pitied me?

That goal, the writing and commission? I consider it as something of a failure too.

You see, the highlights of my 2021's first half of a journey isn't quite good. It's not very ideal for someone like me who likes things to always be good. These past 5 months weren't very good for me. It's sad.

But you know what else i thought? That maybe this is just my free trial, that maybe I wouldn't really be able to get everything right away the first time. I'll think that this is to my advantage. Because the next time I do the challenges to myself, the changes? I'll already have an idea about what to do. And that is why I'm here at read.cash, to share with you my progress through the remaining months of this year!

The first half might've sucked, but the remaining months of 2021 doesn't have to be the same right?

Ending thoughts:

I should better start again. All over again. Life isn't a contest and that's what I should think, in order to encourage myself to keep moving forward.