How to talk to people being an introverted person.

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2 years ago

"I just don't know what to say to them"

Being an introvert myself, I've had a fair share of awkward silences when trying to communicate with other people or start a conversation. However, that hasn't stopped me to follow through and get some really cool insight into other people's thoughts. In the next paragraphs I will condense what I have learned over the years in three principles, which I hope, as they have helped me, will help you too. Let's begin.

You don't have to do the talking for the conversation to be great.

What many people don't realize when they are in social interactions, is that there are two or more people in It, each one with a different life, experiences and points of view that they'll be more than happy to share. You don't need to be the slickest and smoothest while talking to make everyone spend a good time with you. What I'm trying to say is that you just have to ask them about them, what they like, what have they done lately, their work, projects and, If sufficient rapport is built, their connections and relationships. As you get more accustomed to It, you can even add little commentaries complimenting what they said or what you think about that. What you'll find is that more often than not, they won't have a problem sharing with you that information, and If you pay enough attention you can see how their faces light up and their tone of voice just becomes more animated as they talk, so you can go and ask more about that particular subject, which will lead to a very fruitful encounter.

Do It with genuine intentions.

We humans are not dumb, no matter what you think about a particular person. If your goal is to manipulate people and just get them to spill info so you can grab or borrow something from them, It will show, and they'll usually close, suspecting about what you're trying to do. You have to be honest and willing to learn from the other person, which will have benefits not only in the amount of information you can pick on (Many people are really interesting and very knowledgeable) though also in the quality of the questions you can ask to build even more rapport, which will show that you really care about what they think and will make you more likeable to people.

What to do If I don't know what to ask?

As It has happened myself, when you're deep into a conversation, there will be points where you don't fully understand what the other part has said or your concentration has drifted a little bit, so you get nervous and your mind becomes blocked. It happens more often than not, and It's not the end of the world. There are many solutions to this little inconvenient, though what I find most useful comes from a book that I've read a while ago: Never Split the Difference, written by Chris Voss, a former FBI hostage negotiator (So you might imagine that he knows what he's talking about); in one of his chapters It talks about a method called mirroring, which is basically repeating what the other person said with a questioning tone, nothing more, nothing less, in that way you signal to them that you're listening and want to know more about what they're saying. I know It sounds too simple to work, so let me show you with An example of Its aplication in a real conversation.

-Steph: So, we went to her birthday party at 12:00 AM.

-Marlo: .... At 12 AM?

-Steph: Yes! I know, It might sound weird but....

And you get the rest. It's just letting the other person know that you want to know more information about what they just said and giving them a chance to share more of that with you. You can also use little affirmations like A-ha, nodding your head and just little cues that will cause the same effect.

I hope that this little guide might you with your interactions in life, and that It will not only be of use to those who are more introverted, though also everyone that just wants to get more meaningful and better conversations, remembering always that you don't get better at anything If you don't practice It. So, good luck!

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