Don't exaggerate reality

To say that I was a little shy when facing my teenage years was an understatement. I was the type of person that just avoided any social situations and didn't go outside of home because of my irrational fears. Along with this was an already reduced circle of friends and relatives that didn't make the experience any better. I just spent days and days in front of the computer hoping not to find anyone or having to talk to them, and ruminating all kinds of diseased thoughts. I find myself now in a much better place, with a group of friends, that even If we don't talk that frequently, we can share good moments together once in a while and remember ourselves of the beautiful relationships we have, all with far better communicational skills and a sense of self worth. However, the days where I feel not so talkative come back once in a while, though I manage to handle It. Well, all this said, the intention of this article is to share what has worked for me in order to deal with my anxiety, where even If at sometimes I find myself having the same insecurities, I can just brush them off with a line of strategies for my use, hoping that It can help you become a more integrated person and enjoy the act of talking to other people too.

1.- Noone really cares.

The first thing that anxiety will make you think when you're trying to talk to someone or just pass them by is that they don't like you that there's something particular with what you really doing that will cause reproach from them or that you're just wrong in some specific way. Most of times, and with this I surely mean 99% of the times (Unless you're expected to talk in front of an audience), they just don't really care. People have a limited amount of time and attention to really think about particular subjects and they mostly use these two resources for more important tasks than just analyzing If your clothes fit or not. Even If they did, most of these judgments come from a deep sense of insecurity, where they project their own negative qualities into you or just have envy about what you're doing. So, remind to that little voice that gets hyper triggered by everything that people are not really paying attention to you.

2.- Controlled Exposure:

I know It's really hard to get out of a rut of that magnitude, though, even If you don't like It, the only way to talk to people having with a conscious type of character is by just doing that in spite of your anxiety. Yes, there will be a lot of thoughts flying around of why you should not do It and at the first times It will be quite awkward, though with enough practice you will get a grasp of It and will feel more comfortable speaking from your authentic point of view. However, you don't have to get in full exposure all in one day. You can begin in an easier manner by just dedicating 15-20 min of the day to talk to other people in groups on the internet dedicated to socializing and then gradually build up from that to getting more exposure with people in physical surroundings.

3.- Just Ask Questions

This is more or less intertwined with the previous point. You have gained confidence from talking to people in the internet in a more empathic way, though when you go to a social situation in the outside world, your mind gets in panic mode. If you don't know what to talk about when you are speaking with someone face to face, you can begin with asking simple questions like how's all going? what do you like to do in your free time? By just asking people about themselves and really paying attention you can put up a whole conversation, where the tone of people's voice and their more animated expressions will indicate that they are enjoying the conversation, and, let's be honest, who doesn't like to talk about themselves even If It is about their antique coins collection?.

4.- Direct your nervous energy to meaningful pursuits.

Sometimes our nervousness about everything doesn't have to do with chronic anxiety at all. It just has to do with a lack of activities that are cognitively or even physically difficult enough for us to feel engaged and push us past current limits while improving, not giving our brain tasks with which to guide our neuroticism towards. To mitigate these effects, the selection of a particular path of life or career that requires for us to learn and create might be the best option. The key of this is consistency and really compromising to whatever discipline we choose to dedicate ourselves to. With this you can be sure that your mind will spend a lot less time thinking about what the world expects from you and the mayhem that It might be and actually using It to figure out more ways to get better at what your call is.

I hope that with the information presented you can get a series of tactics to use against an enemy that is common to most of us, anxiety, giving you the drive and motivation to actually put them in practice, making you a better speaker/listener at the end of the day. Thank you for your support and I wish you the best of luck!