Everybody has their demons, even wide awake or dreaming. My demons haunt me in my dreams and even in reality. I've become paranoid to any single unpleasant sound. I always feel like someone is after me. I bought new locks for my house and upgraded the security system. Even my own footsteps have turned to be a nightmare for me. Pills and potions have been my safe Haven there past few months. The break up really had a toll on me. The hours after midnight are scare crows to me. Any figure I see is like a man holding a gun trying to shoot at me.

My whole mind is messed up. My emotions are heightened. The effect of pain has been multiplied in me. Sometimes I just wanna take a gun to my head and put all this to an end.

Now I have a Jet black heart

Every feeling of love in me is dead now. All I feel is anger and pain and fear. Nothing good comes out from my heart again. The blood in my veins is made up of mistakes. The chemicals I've been putting in my system have been poisoning my thoughts. Sometimes it feels good to shut out everything else and just fell anger and wrath. Now I have a heart of stone.

My dog doesn't recognize me anymore, and I'm sorry he feels that way. I need help, but I'm too scared to get help. I'm scared the help will take away the anger and the jet black heart I've developed. I need to stay angry and remain stone hearted. But my mum thinks otherwise. My mum thinks there's another chance for me in this world. My mum says, "it'll get better". " There's a whole world waiting for you out there" she says. But I've forgotten who I am. I'm someone else right now.

I can't recognize myself in the mirror. Sometimes I cut myself on purpose to feel pain and forget what happened between I and Gwen. If I don't forget Gwen, I could hurt her. I don't want to hurt anyone, so I rather hurt myself. I've been left on isolation for the past two weeks. No one would cone visiting or even place calls. I ordered them not to. Although, deep down I want to see people. But I fear would hurt them physically. There's a hurricane already trying to separate me from the real world.

Metallic rock has become my favorite kind of music. At least it helps me to focus my mind on something hard and I can get violent a little bit. A part of me wants to come out of this, but a part of me wants to stay a little bit longer. I don't wanna love again. Love brings pain. I. Done with pain. I've developed a Jet black heart.

What may I do?

What can I say?

Is there a remedy for this disease?

I don't think there's a vaccine that can end this.

I have a heart ache.

I feel like I should have a heart transplant. Mine is damaged emotionally.