"It seems a lot easier to fall in love than to stay in love." -Unknown
The proliferation of loveless marriages is perhaps not surprising. Marriage is a complex human relationship and many enter it with little preparation.We are required to demonstrate a certain competence when obtaining a driver's license,but marriage licenses can be obtained with a subscription.
So while many marriages thrive and are truly happy, some are stressed. Maybe one or both spouses got married with high expectations but lacked the skills for a long term relationship. “When people first meet,” says By one councilor, “they feel a tremendous sense of mutual validation”. They feel like their partner is "the only person on earth who sees it the way they see it. That feeling sometimes goes away, and when he does, it can really affect the marriage."
Fortunately, many weddings don't go that far. But let's take a quick look at some of the factors that in some cases made love go away.
Disappointment: "Not what I expected"
“When I married Jim,” said Rose, “I thought we were going to be the local version of Sleeping Beauty and Prince Charming, all with romance, tenderness and consideration for each other.” However, after a while, Rose's "prince" didn't seem so glamorous anymore. "I ended up being terribly disappointed with him," she said.
note:names are fictitious and only meant for illustration
Many popular movies, books and songs paint an unrealistic picture of love. During courtship, a man and a woman may have the impression that they are fulfilling a dream; But after a few years of marriage, they come to the conclusion that they must have really dreamed. Anything less than a fairytale romance can make a doable wedding seem like a total failure.
Of course, there are certain expectations in marriage that are quite adequate. For example, it is appropriate to expect love, attention, and support from your partner. However, even these wishes may not be granted. “I almost feel like I'm not married,” said Meena, a young Indian bride. "I feel alone and abandoned".
Incompatibility: "We have nothing in common"
“My husband and I have a 180 degree difference in almost everything,” said one woman. “Not a day goes by that I bitterly regret my decision to marry her. We are so matched. "
It usually doesn't take long to find out that they're not as similar as they were during courtship.Marriage often has characteristics that partners have managed to hide in their single life.
As a result, after marriage, some couples may conclude that they are completely incompatible.Despite some similarities in taste and personality, most people espouse great differences in style, habits and attitudes,Many couples don't know how to reconcile these differences.
Conflict: "We are still fighting"
“We were blown away by how we argued, screamed or worse, wandered around in silence for days,” Cindy said, thinking back to the early days of her marriage.
In marriage, disagreements are inevitable. But how are they treated? “In a healthy marriage,husbands and wives feel free to voice their grievances. But often, in the heat of anger, complaints are expressed in destructive ways, as an attack on the character of the spouse. "
When this happens, the conversation is a battleground where points of view are defended with determination and words are weapons rather than tools of communication. A team of experts said: "One of the most damaging things about discussions that get out of hand is that couples tend to say things that threaten the very essence of their marriage."
Apathy - "we give up"
"I stopped trying to make our marriage work," said one woman after five years of marriage. “I know it will never work now. So all I care about is our children.
It has been said that the true opposite of love is not hatred, but apathy. In fact, indifference can be just as destructive to a marriage as hostility.
Unfortunately, some spouses become so used to a loveless marriage that they give up all hope of change. For example, one husband said that being married for 23 years was like "doing a job that you don't like." He added, "You're doing your best in the situation."
Disappointment, incompatibility, conflict, and apathy are just a few of the factors that can contribute to a loveless marriage. Of course, there are others, some of Whatever the cause,there hope for spouses who seem to be trapped in a loveless marriage.