Some Random Thinking and Realisation

After fasting the whole day, people generally feel tired and take a bit nap before Taraweeh. But I try to use that moment. Sometimes, I surf of Noise Cash. Or some episodes and sometimes listen to songs. Yesterday after the ifter, I was surfing on social media. But soon, I felt bored. So, I returned to my room but found out dad is watching t.v. I don't watch t.v. Everything changed when I my Secondary examination was near. I was t.v addicted but more than that my dad used to watch t.v with loud sound. So, I cut the cable and from then no turning back. We have t.v but only watch Youtube or use it for watching high resolution movie. Anyway, I really hate it when my dad watches t.v and it reminds me of the previous pesky times. So, I took my earbuds and left the room.

I was actually planing on reciting a Sura from Al-Quran. My most favourite sura Ar-Rahman(Merciful). But as I couldn't, I went to my varanda and opened Youtube to listen to the recitation with bengali translation as well. Actually, I listen to it sometimes. It seems very sweet to me. But I listen while working or reading some thing or doing assignment. So, I never really get to pay attention to the translations. So, I thought I should pay some attention today. I sat down, took out those earbuds, put them in ear and played the sura. Then I looked at the limitless dark blue sky and was listening to the verses of the sura.

I paid attention very closely and I realised many points. It's actually impossible for me to memorise each and every points but some verses really knocked my heart. Here, I actually want to write about them. What I was thinking, what I was feeling. This article is all about the realisation I had from those verses.

At first there was some line about Mizan(Scale). In bengali, we call it 'Daripalla'. There was something being said that there are punishment for those who give less in amount. I tried to remember if I have done anything like this ever. I remembered one thing that one time, me and my friend planed to buy and sell dollar and make small profit. The current rate of the dollar is 84.5 taka but by trying hard we could sell on 87 taka and we used to take 1.5 taka per dollar. Very less in amount. I have done it only one time but it seemed kinda unfair to me. Not that I told them that I am giving them less but it would both cost fees and most importantly time to sell those and send them money to their account. I questioned myself if I was wrong. Did I actually gave less in amount but I had to do so much work there, finding merchant, selling and sending their money. I told them the rate is 84.5taka. I don't know it would be punishable or not but my heart said I did nothing wrong there. I was transparent but was it wrong not to tell how much I am getting. I am still very doubtful about it. Now I have a little brother who sells all our money and I told them I give them him some as it's a tough job. I am still very much doubtful if I was wrong or not. It's almost a story of previous year. But I have given the money back that I took then. It was 20 cent. Still, I thought if that was wrong from me or not.

There is a line which comes multiple time there, 'Fa bi aiyi ala e robbikuma tu kazziban' which mean 'hey both of you( Human and jinn kind), which elements would you deny that you were given as blessing.'

At first, I took a long breath. Then I thought if there wasn't any air, what would I do now? What if there wasn't the exact amount of oxygen in the air. I remember reading a news that some corona patient(almost 28) corona patient dies because of the leak in oxygen cilinder. We can't live without oxygen but the died because of the excessive amount of oxygen. Excessive amount of oxygen can cause toxicity and increase presure which can burst the alvioli of lung. I thought people are not been able to live in other planets because of toxicity, radition on the environment. We I have everything. I looked at myself and thought about my engineered body. Is it all coincidence that everything is perfect if someone is not behind it. Is there actually anything to deny? But still people denies. Relations before marriage are prohibited but still when someone uploads happy 1 years of relationship or in a relationship, people congratulate them and say MashaAllah(beautiful). There are many atheist who denie. Some are abusing of these blessing. What are we doing actually? I questioned myself.

There was a line telling that we can't go beyond the boundaries of the sky and get out of here. If you can, you are welcomed to go but you can't do that without the help of God. I felt helpless. I consider coming in this world is the most unluckiest thing happened to me. I am bound, I am in cage. I can't do what I am willing to. But it's a very little period and if I am successful, I can get to heaven. But what if I fail. I am afraid to die, I am afraid of punishment. But I can't get out of here without help of God. Is it miserable that we are helpless? I saw tears coming out my eyes automatically.

Final thing I noticed was there is reward for those who fears to confront God on the judgement day. I had goosebumps. I know I fear a lot but I make mistakes. I can't control them but I make mistakes. What will I feel when I will be in from of the scale? I even can't calm myself when the result of the exam comes out and then what will I do? I want to escape everything but there is no way. I want my existence to be vanished but I am bound to these boundaries. I can't do anything.

The Sura ended lately but these were in my mind. My eyes are wet. Mom came to varanda and told there are mosquito, what am I doing there. I came to senses and notice i got bitten in multiple places and I started scratching. She sat beside me and we talked about some stuffs. Finally, I left the varanda and went to finish my Taraweeh prayer.

I am sorry for putting this kind of article. It's just some random thinking I was having yesterday. It's an open platform and there are many kind of people here. So, I don't know putting religious stuffs are good or bad but if there's anything inappropriate, I ask for apology. Take it easy as my thinking and enjoy it. Thanks for reading😊.