I Am Standing Right There Where I Never Wanted To Be

I am writing after a very long time here. So you may get surprised after seeing my name on you notification bar. But I am actually here. After a long time, I wish I could start with a happy and jolly mood, but to be honest I am not in mood of this. And I am writing it to get some money actually. In the past few days I had to spend some money on the puppy and I donate 7$ to a blind woman in each month. But in this month I had to donate 20$ actually. My dad came to me and said there is a cancer patient and if I could give them some money. And then my mom asked me if I could give some money to a poor woman for the educational cost of her little girl. So I am doomed actually. My brother's birthday is coming and I need to buy present for him and also for my niece. But I am out of my this month's pocket money. So I would appreciate if Random rewarder notices me.

The caption. It's kinda weird, isn't it? That's my life right now. Actually not right now, it has always been like this. Broken and pain that made me stronger. I learnt to laugh through the pain. But sometimes, positive results and satisfactions are important as well. I am afraid I don't get such things.

The story started from the birth actually, I believe so. My father had ambition of studying medical science. He is a very hard working person and if there was opportunity, he could easily study it. It's a brave deed that he rose from a village, came in a city, studies, got government job and set up a good future from us. My father wanted us to study medical science and my brother and sister actually did and now thew are doctors. But from the childhood, I never wanted to be one. But I am somehow the brightest of all my siblings. So my parents thought I could get admission in a State medical college but I had no ambition. But why?

I never wanted to be a person who is emotionless and most of the doctors are. They try their best to save a person but he the person dies, in early stage of the job, they feel bad but eventually this becomes a normal event to them. I never wanted to be a person who has to experience others death. I actually hate that profession and I don't know why.

But eventually I became that person even though I am not a doctor. Many of us know that I have love for strays and I love to take care of them. But what I face is disaster, one after another.

These started when I gave a dog for adoption and after two days, the owner said he was dead. I questioned myself, did I gave him to a wrong person. He was good with me but why he died after two days. Then I couldn't save some puppies. Though I didn't have guilt because I had nothing to do.

One of the dogs didn't in my garage. I tried my best to treat it but the injury was severe and he couldn't make it. And I posted about one that died because of me. I went on morning walk and he followed me and ran over by a bus. I don't want to post his dead body picture here. Some days ago, I got a call to help an injured dog and when I reached the spot, it was already dead. Then the mother dog passed away for the lack of food. She left the area and we couldn't find her and later found her dead. And now this latest event. I lost the puppy and probably she is dead too.

So basically I am exactly standing on the same position where I didn't want to stand. I am there from where I have always run away. I am actually no different from them as well right now.

A person needs also some good memories and it's been a long time since I had one. We are told Allah gives more pain to those who He loves the most. To test his endurance. Prophet had 7 children and only 1 survived. Rest died in a very early stage. That's hoe he was tested. I don't know what kind of test is this for me and what lies more. But I am kinda out of fuel and need some time to be healed again before another strike. Hope I'll get that opportunity and time.

This is all for today. Hope to be active for a few days😓😓. Pocket money fact😓😓. See you all.