Own definition what Happiness is?

What does happiness mean to me?

I’m inclined to not answer the question as the answer is subject to change as I do and also because happiness is such a nebulous concept.

Nonetheless, no harm in penning this down..

A for Appreciating the little things.

In life, there are the big sad things, big happy things, and then there are a lot of things in between.

Now, the big things can’t be helped. They are part and parcel of life, and cannot be ignored or swept aside. We shouldn’t try to. In fact we shouldn’t try to zone out any emotions they elicit. Because happiness is not enough. Trying to be happy all the time is not gonna work.

This is the problem with the feel-good-all-the-time-no-matter-what strategy of life. And this is why Jon ended up being such a fucking mess. Instead of engaging the right emotions in the right situations, he was trying to wallpaper over everything with a bunch of bright, sunshiney bullshit.

Having said that, for the in-betweens we have power to focus on the “happier” things, the ones we can appreciate.

It could be anything: a good book, a delicious meal, or just a meal, a beautiful day, someone’s smile, a dog walking down the street.

We can choose to focus on and appreciate these things. It’s a better, more sustainable way to be generally happier than just depending on the big happy things which are few and far between.

On the flip side, we can prevent the small annoyances from getting inside us: someone cutting in line in front of us at a restaurant, encountering a rude person on the commute, etc.

Appreciating the little things is I guess another way of saying: Be Grateful. Or rather, find the little things you can be grateful for. It adds to your happiness.

In a sense, we, each of us, live in our own virtual world because everything we perceive is our mind interpreting what it receives.

We live in our minds. Which means we don’t usually see the true reality (if there’s such a thing). That’s not bad though. Because it also means that one of the most significant players in our life is in our hands. Or rather, in our head.

We should use that to our advantage. By that, I don’t mean going around conjuring up happy fantasies all the time (though it’s fun sometimes). I mean being mentally adept enough to make sure our happiness is mainly created within ourselves instead of being contingent upon external factors that are not under our control.

Among other things, it means taking 100% responsibility of oneself, of being mentally tough, and emotionally aware. And also just mindful.

Because a lot of our unhappiness is due to us not being present in the moment. Now, “be present, be mindful” is advice that’s been hacked to death but we do need to get out of our own sea of thoughts. For instance, in the book Emotional Intelligence, the best “cure” presented for melancholy is distracting oneself. I take it to mean getting out of our own head, out of our torrent of thoughts.

It’s one of the reasons why I love reading. It gets me out of myself. I guess for some people, watching shows work better, for some their work helps them do it. Or sports, dance and other recreational activities. Anything that transcends the self. But the most effective way is to simply be present, and detach from our thoughts. And just be one’s own happiness factory.

Even among these three points, this is something more personal to me. I am happy when I create things. It could be anything: a piece of software, a poem, an article, even a report. The process, the result, the learning, I love it all.

And I think it might be true for a lot of other people too. Unfortunately, even though there are people who are committed to creating stuff, in today’s world, a lot of us are more inclined to consume — that too usually mindlessly — than create. It’s easier.

For me, that’s not cool. Yes there are so many awesome things to consume (insightful books to read, inspiring videos to watch, innovative shows, fantastic movies, etc) but one should also try to add to it. Focus on learning and creating.

It could be anything really. Just create something: music, writings, events, businesses, programs, platforms, movements, etc. Or even things like a healthy relationship, a good family, etc that we don’t usually see as something we create.

So, “Creating”, in this sense, encompasses anything that we purposefully do, strive towards, as opposed to being mindlessly lost and leaving things to chance.

I'm a work in progress

I’m a work in progress on all these three points. Sometimes I get in a foul mood for no reason, and fail to appreciate the little things. My happiness factory has always been external, or at least not as internal as I’d like it to be. And I’m susceptible to procrastination, perfectionism, fear, or just plain laziness such that I am not as proactive (in creating things) as I would like to be. But penning this down does help somewhat.!!

Thank you.!!