@Jento

Raging waters! "Ber" month... onset September, I ran out of medz so I decided to drop by Pharmacy to buy and I happily entered and greeted everyone that since it was just me, pharmacist and her errand boy. Happily chatted with the pharmacist and the errand boy just listened. Sorry, I'm chatty so... Ammm, really chatty... And I am not the kind who discriminate who I chat with neither am I the kind who asks for names... So... This is how I came to know that my medz prescribed were those intended patients who "lack sleep", which is definitely my case. And the other one is truly for the patients with heart illness. So, well, it was really my fault, I lack sleep because my cancer-friend was just before... Pausing for a while after that, yes, no regrets. At the end of the purchase, I greeted them "MERRY CHRISTMAS"... So! I was taken aback with the expressions on their faces! OMG! Like, "when did CHRISTMAS" became a like "CURSE"? Wow! I was so horrified with their faces! I honestly was surprised, so I asked why. They were actually praying that Christmas would be like "ODETTE", again! Like... What? Like they were fearing that when "Ber" month hits, "ODETTE" is about to strike once again! Well, I couldn't blame them. The horrors of "ODETTE" really got the worst on all those who were greatly affected. And to note the current state of "Puerto Rico" and "Japan" that just happened over the weekend. Wow! Who wouldn't be scared? Right? Like the bridge was just swept away by the flood in a matter of seconds! I saw it on the news. Oh! I can't imagine the horrors of the flood in Japan and in Puerto Rico. The homes it took and the evacuees are really just too much! For over the weekend, such a tragedy, on both countries. I am really sorry to watch the news my colleague open here in the office because, like me, I have kids too and if it happened to me? Oh no! It's such. About the opening of September, 2nd day, a "bohawi" hit our area and it flooded so much that it took a house that was situated under the bridge and I happened to know the owner. She was really devastated as the flood took her home. I do understand her sentiments, it's not easy for your home to be taken away in one sweep! She was aghast because the materials were "God given", collected it from the people who contributed in building her home. The walling, the roofing, the pillars and everything else were all given to her by kind people, the neighbors. With one sweep, she lost her home and don't know where to go. I told her I have an extra bedroom I can let her live, while she will be collecting how they're going to be in the next few. But somebody offered too, so she declined my offer. Now, recalling over the aghast expression of the pharmacist and her errand boy. It's not easy when you have to live in an open air, nothing left but your body and your people. But, at least you have each other and the goodness of the people that surrounds you. That is something we can be grateful off and having our loved ones safe and still with us, is something... God bless us all! Sept 20, 2022 Image: pinterest

What an amazing body we have! Our body is equipped with a rebooting system, more advanced than you think it is. I am sick with hypertension last June and sent myself to an emergency room trying to find a remedy. Unfortunately, I didn’t get what I needed because I continue to suffer same hypertension for 2 weeks until my heart was beating so fast while my blood pressure was normal. From work I took myself immediately to an emergency room again, this time I had myself hospitalized overnight to take all the necessary tests, to figure out why I am having such. The overnight took 3–4 days of hospitalization as they need to repeat some tests. The doctor blamed it on my drinking coffee, however, I have been a coffee drinker ever since I could remember. Didn’t ever suffer any palpitation, ulceration, or nervousness and now, I feel like my heart is going to burst anytime. Yes, our body is equipped with a rebooting system more advanced than we think it is. During those times I was suffering from unexplained hypertension, it was sudden and perhaps I was about to experience a stroke. But my body resisted by making precautions about the things I eat. I vomited everything I ate that day. And my stomach was more base than it used to be, and I no longer have to fear hunger for the next few. I lost 5 kilos that week. I was on crackers the whole time because anything else I ate, I throw up. Through crackers only kept the hunger at bay but I was still hungry which was the cause of my unexplained hypertension that week. I was alone in the hospital leaving my sons to tend to themselves in the apartment. Luckily they were able to cook for themselves already and source supplies when they ran out. Unfortunately, I didn’t leave any penny at home because money is scarce in this part of the world. But, really they sorted and were able to find money to buy food. I was released from the hospital finding out nothing since all the tests were normal. So my eldest son concluded, I have a heart that needs revamping. My body already knows from the beginning my heart was off. It explains the asthma I had all these years, it was a stress response when my heart can no longer cope with all the circulation so it backflows resulting in bad asthma and even pneumonia. Now I understand how my system works, I am aware that every time my heart beats fast is because it’s coping. This explains why reducing weight is essential for me, that my body is healthier the thinner I get. I get a diagnosis from our annual physical exam, conducted by the company to keep a check on health, atherosclerosis, and thinning of my vessel near the heart. Well, it was all barely detected during my hospitalization. Now, I am automatically losing weight. From 69 kilos to 64.5, losing that much in a week, I went 62.5 by the end of August. Now at the start of September, I am only 60.5, as I weighed in today. I have been losing my appetite since last week and barely eat a day until my stomach is really hungry. No more cravings, my body is in self-preservation mode. Autopiloting, superseding the mind’s call for a meal, and adjusting the chemicals excreted on my stomach bringing in mostly fluids and not much solid food. All these experience is still very new, for my heart is heavy around the chest especially when my pulse rate is above 80. It really means that I stay and rest, while there are really many things to do but I have to leave it all to rest, for I really cannot afford it. We have an amazing body. It really looks after itself but sometimes we don’t listen or hear it talk so it takes actions we may not like to rescue us, saving us from untimely death. I am just glad it did, for I still want to see my sons grow, and leaving them now is just too early. Considering I’d be leaving them with none and bankrupt. That is something I don’t want to leave behind, like all parents are, especially in my case I’m the only parent they have. Taking care of our body is our responsibility, and if we somehow neglect it, our body has ways of revamping our health. We just need to stop and listen, to recuperate. I am currently at 58.75Kilos. Sept 19, 2022 Pinterest

Ahhhh! I'm happy... book project(s), manuscript 1 is done... the poetry and anecdote is almost done... and the last is just near completion... Nothing big... just about 10-40 pages each... for home reads... instead of magazines i cannot afford! hahaha! just sharing... Happy weekend to all!

Serious talks: Social Concern:Credit “Credit is part of Life.” – a common adage! Yes, yesterday, today, and tomorrow, credit is part of our lives. This is why in accounting there are “Assets” and “Liabilities” and will always be present at all times because this has been a way of economics. Whether we like it or not, it is part of our dealings. I’ve read a post about “credit” and I’d like to give an open option. Although in general terms and ideas “credit is bad” because we incur and pay interests. In my experience in life, “credit is needed” because… Salary is always short for the majority of Filipino workers, so the never-ending cycle begins. Since the 80s/90s. It was because opportunities for us to work with good pay were really scarce. So “credit” has become a part of life. I mean who am I to judge? No say here, I am just presenting an "open option". 20 years after… “credit is still part of life!”, all the more. Why? Obviously, the easier the purchase, the more purchases. During our years, credit wasn’t used to buy nice things but was due for “school” that the future actually enables us to find our jobs and now, we are professionals. It was basically used to support basic needs, not because we need to buy something we “want”, it was actually for our needs. Unfortunately, the course of “credit” hasn’t changed but priorities have been. While people were earning a lot these days, the more credit they use. Unfortunately, it is already a rare occasion these days that credit is used for “needs” like medicine, food, and school. It’s mostly used for their personal preference. While there are victims of “scammed” transactions, the victims who innocently trust a company with complete registration and with authority to operate, fall prey to these companies. Unfortunately. I have read about their stories and sadly the threats and vexing are nothing short to describe. Their contact list and references’ privacy were extremely violated to the point of constant messaging and calling. Constant, as early as 6:04am in the morning to as late in the evening. Extreme to the point that even misrepresenting government agencies intimidates users. Yes, like siting a LAW that intends to break a loaner’s state of mind or case is already filed against you, is something they don’t hesitate in doing. Another strategy is siting using the same government agencies to shatter a debtor’s state of mind compelling them to download another app. Misrepresenting like CIC – an agency that governs the collection of data, responsible for your credit score. Others find it to humiliate the debtor by naming the debtor “ESTAFADOR/SCAMMER/UTANGERA(O)” sent to their ‘CONTACT LIST’ on their phonebook and if they find you on FB, they send in your chat groups and if you FB is open for tagging, they tag you in. Look into the friend list to further humiliate the debtor. Pity? Isn’t it? Unfortunate isn’t it? When is the truth of it? Upon visiting PAO (Public Attorney’s Office), as explained, the debtor is only liable for “SUM OF MONEY” and nothing more. The attorney was a bit exasperated with the simple explanation because there have been a lot of victims who are now scared because of the threats. Many of which are just too small, less than 10K at least. While others who continued to use the apps incurred so much amounting to 50K. Not so wise? Yes indeed but who am I to judge them? Actually, I pity them. While the threats are supposed to be addressed by PNP/NBI ANTI-CRIME group while the “PRIVACY ACT” complaint should be sent to NPC. Well, for now… This is it. Will be doing some writing about this. Informative? Well, I wish to convey serious writing about the walks of life, especially to those who are rendered helpless and find solace in something I’ve written with substance. Well, I am no longer young and at this age, I should be seriously talking about life and sharing something like this with my predecessor! Wow! So serious sister! Hahaha! I shouldn’t really be talking about travels when there are a lot of those who write about that already. While many don’t tackle some issues in life or their interest is just somewhere else! Thank you for the read. ‘til the next article. Published too on MEDIUM Sept 15, 2022 Image: pinterest

Serious talks: Social concerns Ha! Everyone is frantic. From the fleeting prices from fare to basic commodities, everyone is really concerned about what will become in the next few. While many pray, as we prayed through COVID and come up alright. So, world recession, how’s it triggered? It has a domino effect that scares a lot of people. Of course, the price hike concerns are real because we have students and have to give them their allowances, unlike COVID, everyone is at home so we basically were able to cut expenses in just about everything. Especially in going to school and allowances. Now, we are faced with budget constraints that our salaries have not increased just one bit, our sidelines, like writing here is as we all know… Everybody is trying to figure out the know-how. Others really stressed and got into depression. While others, I don’t really know how they cope. Many still pray in this part of the world including me, so it has really become a coping mechanism. Solutions will be revealed in time but the question is the stress on the mind that the mind cannot stop thinking. Repeating every time, every payday as we all are short amidst the expenses. Horrified because ‘face-to-face’ is real and it incurs expenses. I can only imagine if I am having a hard time when I am enjoying full-time work with an average salary, how about those with none? I pity myself most time but how about those relying on daily job orders? The jeepney drivers are luckier though they are the ones who are directly hit by the oil price hikes. Lucky in the sense, that their occupation is really in demand. Riding public vs available transportation is overwhelming for the drivers even in this early phase of ‘face-to-face’ implementation. Though economy will be very interactive but I only wander about the dynamics in the next month. Sept 16, 2022 Image: Pinterest

FROG FROG I have a visitor last night, a FROG was swimming on my bucket full of water and decided to free him by using the water to water the plants and there he was freed. I was anxious since I am still going to rough times in my life. I mean a real rough and tough one! There are a lot of reads especially from different sources and really find these reads interesting Astrological reads While it mostly comprising positive vibes including fertility and financial alleviation, it also has some negative vibes like betrayal of trust and curses, it all focused on change. Change is inevitable they say so transformation is to be expected in the coming days whether it be good or bad. Hayst! Biblical reads FROG is an acro for FAITHFULLY TRUSTING ON GOD. Wow! Powerful message that made me think. Do I really trust God in the course of what I am getting through? Have I not spewed poisonous talks about someone? The answer is yes, to myself. Though I haven’t spread it to anyone but arriving here at the office I was pissed by her because of her ways “practical ways” but actually I should be thanking her for helping me through rough times. Makes me think about my behavior today and I realized I was ungrateful. I was the one betraying her. While those are merely venting my frustrations, it was really wrong to vent it on her when I should be grateful. I am glad to be corrected and realize how lucky I am to have someone who cares for me in rough situation like this. She may not be at all the same with others but it is her way of expressing concern. While I have such, God answered my prayers... Little by little we'll take it a step at a time. Thank you Lord for not forsaking me. Reflections. God has a way of manifesting our thoughts and correct them. FROG means to entrust everything to him while working on the resolutions we are thinking at hand for he will definitely guide us through the roughest journeys in life. Have faith, it will never be easy but in due time it will all be over, just trust and have faith. Light shows at the end of every tunnel. Do what you have to do and trust in Him to work it out and make it happen. Sept 14, 2022 Image Pinterest

wow! super pride! He'd rather extend than ask help! This is the reason why I'd rather write here than talk to my colleagues. Like for 11 yrs backing them up, i didn't flinch! And never a word they heard from me but OKAY!!! waaaaa... When they're absent, I finish their tasks! I don't really mind... Its just being part of the team. waaaaaaaaa....

Been away for a while... I so missed it in here more than talking to my office mates, lolz... I was surprised to receive .17 EU from paypal. wow! The games did work and i was only playing for a day less than a week. Will be writing about in the few... but right now, i am still sorting things out.

11 years and still kicking! Work, work, work and never forget to write! *Sept 06 marked my 11th anniversary at work and quite satisfied with the achievement. Despite the hurdles, “I made it through the rain” –sung by Mariah Carey. A total of 16years working and still kicking. I've been trying to make money all these years but still I am broke and bankrupt! hahaha! But luckily SSS is already good for pension.* At this age, what do I have to lose? When everything at this age is nothing but a bridge between living and going! I am not young anymore and I am not sensitive about it. Actually, I welcomed it as I already got through a lot of storms but most likely –anxiety is still visiting, hihihi! One good thing about my aging is that, I got a year older at writing which I never experimented on in my younger years. This is what I’d appreciate the most is writing now because this privilege was never available during our time. It was available but not prevalent and quite a competition. Oh, oh, oh! Now, writing is made convenient using WORD and publish with a click! You can only imagine how hard it was to be a writer during my time, all the more during classical times. To point out, either on a typewriter or journal or notes, imagine the kind of editing you have to go through to perfectly submit an article. PLUS, the research? Imagine how many books and newspapers you have to scour just for an article? Hours? Oh no, days or weeks! Avenue for new writers before is not as privileged as we have now on MEDIUM and as lucrative as READ, Publish0x or HIVE, just some I know. Publishing before, locally? OMG, you have to be related to the publisher (newspaper) to publish an article. You can never soar anywhere without knowing anyone, while now, OMG, search the net and you have READ, MEDIUM, and many others. If you want, you can publish by having your own website, free or for a fee. Now my earnings on writings are stored, -forced storage, at coins.ph because I never thought that my transaction increased incrementally this year! I cannot convert my BCH until I upgrade my verification. Since it rejected the document I submitted, I cannot do anything but wait for the year to end and my BCH will be collected by then. I have no back up money from this point on. Waahhh! But, I am grateful for the years that I had spent living. Why? Hmmm… Well, let me share with you a story here at the office. We support US customers so we are in operation 24 hours. We work on shift, unlike manufacturing, they have HOLIDAYS, us we don’t. Our Leaves (SL and VLs) are non-convertible but not allowed for long leave like a week. So, our body is most likely exhausted. Hmmm, little did we know that our colleague was already suffering from hypertension. We didn’t know until he had an attack here in the office and died. He was only 36 years old. He died on his workstation, tried to revive him but was just too late. Sad, and we were all at awe knowing the fact he didn’t go home because he was supported and was already told to rest but he couldn’t go home because… I guess home wasn’t much of a home, so he’d rather work. And another story? A colleague actually suffered a rare blood cancer that he never knew, he passed away in less than a year. He was sick one day, hospitalized and months after he died - COVID pandemic story. He was only 27. Hmmm… I mean to kick hard for the next years, and about 2 decades before senior. Me, reaching this age is already a blessing as I just really learned from the interaction with my colleagues that they were already suffering from hypertension as early as 27 and single. So, having a heart problem at 40s is good enough. At least I was able to prevent it longer than they had. Not that I am comparing, but can’t help but look at this point of view looking back and knowing that I have gone far enough, is good enough. Take note, I just lost a friend this year too – 41. Either I lose myself with insurance or prepare myself for early retirement are possibilities I’m willing to explore. But if I can prolong it more, -that’s the goal. Hahaha! Well, I’m a girl my hair is thinning but at least I'm not losing hair! Lolz! I’m losing weight, another 2.5 kilos for a week. Hoping to hit 50+ before the month ends… Thank u for the read... Bless us all for more years! Sept 08, 2022 Image: pinterest

Finally, I’m in Medium! Well, well… Over the weekend I’ve been dying to write about myself in medium but it took days before I can publish an article. I didn’t know what to expect so I took my time and published it early this morning. I am happy and excited as well. Medium is… wow! A lot of things going on there and immediately I was overwhelmed with what going on. Information overload is something I am still not used to and gosh, Medium has information about everything. And being there even just for 3 articles were good reads so far. Yes, I am still not able to afford the membership and 3 reads are tops for the month, and already used them. All worth it because I got some insights into things, a whole new world for me. Like here, they publish and true to its reviews, you will really appreciate the quality of articles you read there and tons of information available to suit our needs. Oh! I will be sharing some of those here so we will be equipped with information too especially for those who are still hesitant to join the platform. It’s for a fee though but can’t help but be excited. As I claimed as before, I am a neophyte in this field and I’d love to share things I learn and things I want to learn. Set aside pride and all the imperfections, I am here to learn. Read.cash has been an avenue to learn writing, developing a habit for the 11 months of stay is all worth the journey all the more with warm people to share the experiences with is a blast already. I won’t be leaving read.cash, I am just sharing the awesome journey with you like anything I would like to share under the heat of the sun with you guys. I am just exploring a new world, new heights, new criteria, and new people. Bringing in fantastic experiences to be shared within my circle. New inspiration to be told each day as we continue to share new delights each day, may it be fun, sad, happy, or whatever that is. We have each other at the end of the day! Who knows, we will be offering each other some benefits as I already reap those wonderful moments with you. Truly, a new endeavor to sustain another writing platform, hoping that I will reach new heights in learning something new. It’s another adventure to take forth and the rest will be determined in time. Follow me at medium, same name ... Perhaps will have my link here next time. Thank u for reading. A blessed day to everyone! Sept 07, 2022 Image: Pinterest

Effects of development on everyone While the rest of the country was on storm, our sun is bathing us with super hotness and brightness. Last night it rained and after that a super hot sunday morning is greeting us a sunny week to start with. Not that I am complaining, what is there to complain for when God provided the rain to shower our plants, especially mine when I was unable to water them yesterday. I was exhausted because of activities that were really out of schedule. And the plants are really showered with sunshine while others are flooded. Suffering from days of darkness, drenched in water, cold winds and flash floods. Development has a lot of take, may it be in population of technology, it certainly does has effects on everyone. About a decade ago, we used to do a lot of things manually. Groceries has to line up every time we need to purchase supply. Now we are enjoying an upgrade where apps are now allowing us to shop online and will be delivered at our doorstep. Some for free while others with delivery fees. Banking used to be on checks and savings that only over-the-counter withdrawals were done and currently, on ATMs and online banking. Whereby online truly gives the convenience it offers. While all these conveniences were offered and delivered, population too went up. As many were enjoying more benefits on everything. From the needed supplies to cashing out needs, everyone seems privilege to make use of all what's life to offer. Even jobs are now available from working at home. The number of growing needs of conveniences allows the growing needs to support the online apps whereby expansions are there to support non-delays, run-time errors, traffic and everything else it needs - even electrical consumptions. And this needs space, relevant location to be able to serve it's growth. And what more is there available but that of the secluded areas where nature abounds. I will not say the destruction of forests but there is a need to cater to all these growth. Not just the tech part but also the growing population in the city where the city could no longer accommodate the populace. Unless old building recycled, torn down and restructured into something that the city needs, people space and tech. Wow! Everything is truly enter twined no matter how much people failed to see, but developments is tied up to everything earth holds, including people. Then I realized, the growth needs a lot of supplies and there goes the odds. The supplies has become overwhelmed with the growing needs. Basic commodities in our local area like sugar is now on scarce, scarce enough to be able not to provide for a major product using it, causing plant shutdown. And its worst, the coming typhoons are stronger than ever. Storms and typhoons used to be distinguished but now, they're more similar. Like a heavy rainfall is almost think of a storm because you'll never know flash floods are coming even if its just heavy rainfall. Affecting the production of agriculture to its worst. Contributing much on the shortage of basic commodities. While growth is supported, wow... Population is unceasingly increasing too, incrementally as well. Currently suffering from high unemployment rate, that's current. How about when we are already competing with robots in the future? As many are enjoying the fruits of developments, we all suffer the gradual increment effects of that development. It shows, in our daily lives. The more heatwaves are here reaching as high as 40C that never experienced before. While wet days in our regions is also becoming prevalent as storms hits almost every week and summer is losing its hold over those wintery nights. They say responsible development. How is it responsible? When these developments need space to grow properly and the space and resources known are only available to mother natures' resource. It used to be though as an undying/undepleting resource but with the rate of growth and developments, it'll be soon consumed. Man has done almost everything to, but sadly the reality of our world is that too much development and growth, is really harmful. As to what the world would be in the next few, there will be places will soon loss its space on the map - Maldives is just one. The rising sea levels is almost levelling it. Like us humans, all of us will surely die as we all know it. How sad it is to know too that earth with die along with us. Though there are moves to address but the speed is of growth is just too rapid and not everyone is willing to participate in augmenting change to save the world. Thank u for reading. Sept 05, 2022 Image: pinterest

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Man and its nature... *I would have celebrated a year of writing experience for Read by now if only… It’s a sad experience looking back when my efforts are totally halted by someone who thought was a source of inspiration to grow. Unfortunately, it is that very someone who I should be wary of, yes, but my trusting heart isn't that so! lolz* I was so young at writing. I was the same, not writing for an audience but as I was starting, lo, I got an exclusive tag which they say was rare in Read. So I was so happy and got some more adrenalin rush. Was a little too hyper and someone didn’t like it? Oh! And I was tagged spam. Allogarithm they said but it’s an excuse, to get away with it. I was new I didn’t know anything about it until I realized something was so wrong. It kept on encouraging me to write more but, every time I make comments, it's tagged spam. And I didn’t like it. Starting a new one is… nothing to be ashamed of. Mistakes were done and something a lot to learn from them. I learned the hard way. What? Don’t piss someone when your hyper or so? Or don’t trigger something that you’ll regret? Looking back all those comments were all compliments and it pisses someone? Oh dear, please we are no longer kids. If you were pissed, get over it. Do you have to punch at someone every time you are pissed? Oh, come on! Grow up! Human nature? They say… well! Human nature in its rawness is… anger, frustration, sad, happy, excited. So, that is the rawness of human nature. True human nature grows and matures. That’s the essence of being a “MAN”. Sorry, but being unable to cope with rawnessness is not human nature. The reason why “struggles” is real and life is nothing but a “fight” throughout our lives. It's never even close to competition. People only thought of it like that to measure their strength and weakness and to furthermore test their ability in the areas like “fitness, alertness, shrewdness” and the like that enhances their overall well-being. But basically failed to see the fundamental essence of human nature was actually to conquer “fear”. What “fear”? of the unknown? Oh no, fear of failure? No, it's actually conquering failure and standing up to face it again, all-over-again from scratch. Re-doing it from the start. It's not even a challenge because re-doing means, you have to conquer your fear of failing again. Re-doing is conquering “cowardliness”. Being a man doesn’t just stand on the physical prowess but rather conquering “cowardice” because it is something that eats up the whole, top-to-bottom. No one is willing to admit it but it’s something raw that eats up the whole. Life is never about competition. Our mindset makes it a competition. Measuring superiority over inferiority is a very obvious way to show might. Showing off the world what you are made of. But, deep inside a lot is stirred up that even compliments are mere trigger points of insecurities. What a shame! Especially from a man to be insecure over a woman is a but… for a man is truly superior over a woman, for a man was formed in his own image as the pinnacle of creation while a woman was for the man, “CORINTHIANS 11:9”. A man should never forget, the rules of creation. If a mere woman could move mountains with her faith, you can only imagine what a man can do! If he only knew of his worth, oh, literally “he can move mountains” with his faith. Thank u for reading. Happy weekend... Sept 4, 2022 Image: pinterest.

A sadness that hits like your life has failed. Oh Lord… I pray… for my sun to shine brightly today and always… that its rays will shower me with your eternal grace and fill my heart with the comfort of your embrace! That the sun will shine brightly upon me… easing my anxious heart as I longed to be free from its grip and yet could not… cleansing my every being from all this that cause my heart to be anxious, like it takes away rickets. Oh my life… seems to be at the edge for some time now and I couldn’t help but feel sad, remorse and dejection. For a period of time I have this feeling and it’s very unsettling. Never had I imagined it to be torturous as it came. But would love to be drowned in a warm embrace and feel your ultimate protection as you always had! Why? What’s so wrong that this feeling has dwell in this light? That such a fight has to linger for so long… its exhausting, depressing… worst of all, disturbing… living in a day, a week, a month without peace, leaving you all exhausted and close to rage! All confused, all aching it to be done already! Something the well up inside that is about to explode!. Sept 2, 2022 Image: Pinterest

For the 1st time, someone stole my heart I grew up watching Disney movies and often dream of prince that will sweep me off my feet into dreamland. Hmmm… Finally, it’s happening? Oh no… Well… Often than not, emotions scares me. Why? To be deeply involve with someone you don’t know and to foolishly live and dwell on it, not knowing what you’ve done is already excessive. Foolishly giving all your attention and the love, never to think if he deserved it or not. Hmmm, is something I have evaded all these times. Because, love drives you to do things even the most foolish. And I do not mean to lose myself, especially reasoning. Well, its safe loving him because I know is not yet married. And if he was already recently but most likely not. Wrecking a home is a great no no, like I already mentioned, loving can be foolish and this is what I meant to be foolish and losing reason and logic along the way. Many couples divorced due to third party while many families were left behind because of foolish infatuation. And I’m not about to allow myself that just because… Well… never had I been captivated by any man but him. Charms they say but I believe I finally found a match. Matches me in many ways. Now, come to think of it “what makes a match?”. Hmm, I don’t even know how to qualify. Silent with a powerful presence. Independent but shows dependence and craves for affection especially when captivated. Well… I would love to spend time with him. Exploring his world as I have never explored any world apart my own. The mysteries he hides under his sleeves and the treasures he collects in his closet, hidden in the shadows that only he knows where! Would love to share breakfast, lunch and dinner, -willingly cook them every day for him. Make a home for him to rest and settle in for a lifetime. Wow, slavery! Lolz. Hmmm… the little girl in me that thrives on as her attention was really captivated. Foolishly submitting without knowing that he might not be interested. Hard to come by I think, a silent wish of the heart. Perhaps, it is safe as long as he doesn’t know. Hidden from him to take advantage of! Her own treasure to keep that only she knows where she keeps… in the heart she owns, silently praying and wishing… Sept 1, 2022 Image: pinterest

Closing Rites for August, summing up! *Ending August is something… It feels like a very long month. With some losses and wins, parting ways and some addition to the circle, the dynamics have been very active.* **Illness: Dynamics** Navigating through this heart disease was never easy as I really find it difficult. However, there were some breakthroughs... One is that I lost another kilo, from 69 kilos down to 64.75 kilos, now 62.5 kilos. Well, it’s an achievement and looking forward to another kilo to lose. Lolz. Eating habits contribute so much to how the heart feels for the whole day, so there was a reason why bitter gourd was growing so much on my garden grounds. To keep an ample supply of bitter gourds for my heart to pump up, not crazily but steadily. Oh! It was a surprise knowing it and since then no more heaviness on my chest, hypo, and tachy heart are no longer always present. Radish too become a part of it as it supplies me with fiber, so growing them is also beneficial, especially in my aim of losing weight. Together with the beans and many spices. Hoping for the proliferation of mints and lemongrass to help me chase away the mosquitoes, as dengue has been a prevalent problem in this part of the world. **Garden Updates** Well, the towers are working, and am expecting the dendros to be flowering while others have rooted so much. Knowing they are coping well with the travel and rehoming, it feels nice to have them as an indoor garden. While the strawberries are really running wildly on their towers, I have placed some Vietnam roses to hold the soil intact and easily thrive, keeping the soil from eroding. Well, the flowers will be a good addition to the view. While the dragon fruits are still in the process but they are well given their own space. Together with the other cacsulents and accordingly to feng shui, lolz. The newly arrived plants were in bad condition but hoping for their recovery already to be a good addition to the deck’s overall attraction. Hoping to finally open my doors for the fruit-bearing trees – the grated ones so I can easily dwarf them. I’m really looking forward to good dynamics on my deck as the months pass by. **Finances** Hahaha! I’m still poor and with the recent developments in higher management, well, preparing my psyche for early retirement because they might think of dissolving our department. But I need a job to earn my keep and house my kids. Lolz, but I am no longer young so, not much option too! The dynamics have been very active. As to rising fear over a lot of things, well, September is another month to look forward and that’ll be another tomorrow to tackle. Today is something to end and bridge a smooth transition for another month. Full of hope? Vigor is something we all have to pack up within every endeavor because the fight is real, struggle pops out anytime without any warning. Thank u for reading. August 31, 2022 Image: pinterest

For real, writing 1K+ words is exhausting... Hoping to finish it as I don't want to prolong the agony! (an attempt in writing a book) Have a nice day everyone!

Jen’s Place Jen’s Place was created years back because I desperately need a space for myself. Those were the years mama was still alive and I couldn’t figure it out, wanted to have a space of my own and would really love to have one. One thing I would love to relive was if I only had good vision then, I would have saved all my money instead of buying plants hoping to create a good space in a house that was never a home. Never welcomed my ideas and shared my passion, only theirs, but let me live through the deceit that there was room for development. It was the greatest mistake and illusion but who would have thought, the family will be the greatest crasher of dreams. Bankrupt but managed to save pennies that had slowly grown in time, hoping to collect the fruits in time. Finally, a time came when I have a place of my own, not permanent though but something I have thrived for months and proliferating. I am glad though struggling, but it’s a good struggle. A space where I am free to roam as I please. Improve where I want to develop especially with the vision currently on hand. Oh! It will be amazing to paint those empty walls with amazing photos that kuya collects for me! While filling in the laughter bunso makes, echoing through our walls all day long. While painting my canvass on the patio I created on our deck. Collecting the little memos from it as I play with them every day. To continue dreaming as the kids grow and provide them with a suitable environment to grow. Not perfect but serene and honest, kind and not cunningly conniving. Instilling and inspiring them to build a home of their own that brings love and devotion to each and every one. Ideally, a promise but we could always create a fair share of that perfection in our own ways. Almost, at least there is something to share that will last. Something that lingers that fuels the heart to continue and live, and look forward to the awesomeness in life. Unfaltered amidst the storm, resilient. Our place is simple. It’s just simply about us. What I love the most is that, we have it all to ourselves. Though, its temporal states make it hard to fight as dues should be paid on a monthly basis. Currently thinking of a permanent abode but still, have to settle to this until finances allow me to move on to the next step. My problem is “when”, as I can't really wait to make Jen’s Place permanent for all time. August 30, 2022 Image: pinterest

An exhibit at home, in the making! *My walls are empty and decided to paint it with my son’s photos. He sent me bunch of pretty photos while he is staying at the province. While at home, I have been very busy cleaning the house while being careful not to physically strain my heart. I’m not yet done but for the house really needs a lot of things to be done. I still have to address our storage problem, especially on our clothes, I’m already exhausted thinking about it. Worst no budget in buying additional fixtures! Hayst!* The walls are bare. All concrete without outside coating. Perhaps the project will involve a little skim coating for the walls to attract brightness and for the photos to be presentable. Hmmm, thinking about it would need a lot of work. Ah! I’d be working around a budget of 1 sack of that skim coat. I bet it will be a lot. Just apply it thinly, it will definitely work out fine. It’ll be a lot of hard work but I bet it’ll be fun and nice, - importantly clean. Now I have to choose some photos for display. Then have to decide about the layout and sizes, placement too is crucial. Hahaha! Acting like this is a serious business! I’d like to have the wooden frame but the inexpensive types or something that looks expensive but cheap?! Hahaha! Finding the pieces and order in bulk. Oh! How about shoppee? Or in some surplus shops that offers low price goodies? I have to check these shops too who knows perhaps they’ll have very good stuff I can use. Finding a good printing company to print the photos too is crucial. Oh! This is some hard work! Now I have to decide if the display will be in full or with a caption? Hmmm… Something I should consider. His signature will be lovely, there the feel of ownership is there! Watermarks too, but I don’t know how to do this… I will be needing help then, as to who? Wow! Now this is a lot of thinking. Anyway, I am no expert on display and exhibit. This is just a simple display at home showcasing his talent. Proud mom? Well, I believe every mom is! This is just my way of letting him know I am proud of his works and that he may like “Photography” and will totally support it if he wanted to further the craft. Letting him know too that I would showcase anything he does and so does his brother. Thank u for reading. You? Might want to share some ideas… would love to hear from you! Please do, on the comments below! August 29, 2022 Image: ours

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Exploring: Writing for an audience *Okay. I need extra income and a bunch of them, loads if I might be lucky!* So there was an advertisement on FB that I clicked, it was about “freelancing: writing emails”. To be honest, I’m not saying I’m lazy – though at some point I am. But perhaps, embedded in the genes that I find living in my comfort zone highly likely than not or, employment was an ideal concept of growing up, and my autism – resistance to change, got the most of it so to speak, so. By giving the authority of … - an implication. However, reality bites and that reality is no longer true these days. It’s been a while, years actually that I’ve been thinking of a part-time job but haven’t started one. An SEO friend of mine introduced me to that but, it slipped my world. I tried affiliate marketing, though, and I was successful in creating traffic but no income. Although I still have proposals none were monetized. The only thing I was able to monetize were the projects sent by my friend, creative writings which was not all the time and now she is gone, so move on! Now it really got me thinking. I can write, what I need is exposure. Though I maintained that I still will be writing here in readcash in accordance with my writing, not the need for an audience. But I honestly feel the need to learn to create content for an audience, to explore other worlds beyond this realm. Lolz. Keeping it professional, nothing more. Like I have always done in the years of working in this industry. I have never felt the need to fake anything in my responses, just have to do it professionally. The only difference is the integrity I put in my position as a specialist while the integrity I put into my writing, right? Well, that’s left to be seen. There will be specifics in the content, that may or may not be full to its merits but you can always write along those lines. Everything has merits and demerits. However, I can choose to focus on the real content. Fallacies are a common misdemeanor in writing these days, especially in ads – that I often ask if the maker of the ad is really as good as reputed, why the need to deceive? Right? As I have a rule of thumb: “flex, stretch, knot, or bend the law to your flavor, but never break it”. I always believe good writers will be able to bridge gray areas as a necessity without breaking anything. Hahaha! Putting the mind into a “pressure cooker”, so the stress is most likely. But, to think of it, that’s how thinking out of the box is born, ayt? Well, let’s see. I’m still thinking of trying it, doing it is another thing. So good luck to me! At this age, the challenge is just a word. Sorry, but life’s ups and downs are just up ahead that “challenge” hardly befits the experience. “Struggles” befits more and compliments the situations to its point and the resolutions thereafter! I’m not looking for anything for a meaningful life or anything in that line, but I've started writing, might as well put this into action. I’m not challenging myself, I am just someone who is trying to earn more by making use of the newly learnt skill set. If I could be successful here on readcash, it's not a guarantee to succeed elsewhere but at least there is groundwork. As to anyone who already had it figured out, do continue doing it and share with us your adventure! While those like me exploring, will definitely post updates, keeping ourselves updated! Thank u as always for reading! August 28, 2022 Image: pinterest

A prompt end, affecting everyone’s psyche! *All of the sudden our VP resigned!* Speculations, there are tons of it. Ranging from the gossipy people around me to the stories told by my colleagues, our department head cried so hard because no one saw this coming. Our psyche is bewildered, shocked, insecure, overwhelmed... Tons of negative emotions streamed out of this single action. Affecting the energy that surrounds us, even work. Everyone is drained and feeling down. Here comes the insecurity again! The cycle just never ends. Imagine we have dedicated and invested our years into this company, and lightning strikes, and everything changes. It's our fault, we put our faith into it and live comfortably! Placing the hands of our family into this and everything else is entangled. But who can blame? Sitting in our comforts because many of us made this our second home. It only means to say that the working condition and environment has maintained balance until. Of course, who wouldn't be insecure? At these times where prices, inflation, and recession is at hand, - anyone can feel threatened, especially when you have a family to feed. Me? Where do I stand on this? Well, firstly, I need to pace up writing those books so I can have it published when the time comes. I wouldn't live in the speculations made by my colleagues because I want to focus my energy. Perhaps this is one of the dreadful events I was anxious about the past days and weeks, now has come into existence! Warning me of the coming storm up ahead. Attitudes change to suit their need to survive, back again to the scenario years back. Well, if that was the case, I wouldn't be the one selling my soul to the devil. lolz. Life continues even with the dissolutions. The current state of the psyche is temporary and it will improve greatly if we focus on the things at hand and not focus on how to box out each other in the process. It wouldn't do anything well. Even if reasoning with the conscience won't justify such actions, still the psyche will be affected. Better lean on something concrete and positive. Anyway, life will never be life unless lived. And choosing to be gregarious despite all these is much preferred, for life is sacred. I'd like to prefer to improve the state of my psyche and continue to work like never before. Prepare for a little change and react to situations and scenarios as presented, professionally as usual. Normalize everything until I can come up with a status quo for myself. Everything happens for a reason, perhaps now I may not find the reason but everything has its place. Panicking wouldn't do me any good, especially with the heart condition so I might as well take my time. Relax, think and pray for a calm self as always, so I can work on the goals already planned out - to my favor. While the scenarios on the hierarchy will definitely smooth out in a few weeks or a month, this will not remain dramatic for long, people just made the case overly dramatic. Thank u for reading. August 27, 2022 Image: pinterest

Confessions: What am I afraid of? *Hmmm… Well, honestly… The world is too vast, and widely distributed that understanding it in an instance is something we cannot do, but possibly in a lifetime. Still, a lifetime doesn’t guarantee! Wow!* Recalling my growing years… When I was young, I often asked what tomorrow is. Because my consciousness was still developing and I had no idea what tomorrow was? So, I often asked myself that until I understood what it meant. But still asking what I’d be when… 20th year, the next, and next right after. Until I stopped asking because my mind was already filled with a lot of daily activities, -responsibilities of a single mom. The truth is… behind the question was actually the fear of the unknown. What tomorrow lies? What will happen to me? What I’ll become? Will I still be around by 20? Definitely, on my 20th birthday, it answered my question. So this is what 20 years feels like, I told myself. Next was, will I reach 30? And now… finally I came to the point, to really answer the question that my body had always known… Little did I know that little by little it was revealed to me, and now is the time. The fear that’s been lurking deep inside? My body had always known of my heart problem. It was masked as “bronchial asthma” during the growing years, where every time my body was so tired I cough and eventually got asthma. And eventually pushed my heart to the edge, and here I am at the point of the edge. If only my mom knew but hardly, so I would know how to bounce! Damn! It’s scary! What do I fear the most? Hmmm… recalling the posts of July or this month about “dying breadwinners”, well… I am part of that statistics! It took me a while to learn that my heart has been the problem and my body has always known it from the beginning of time. My coping mechanism was mama. It felt like I need to defend mama all the time, so… Now? Like any mom’s greatest fear! Living their kids on their own. Well, I’d like to think I **WAS** prepared because I had a discussion with the kids… The thought came on an evening in the hospital last June. If you forget to breathe, you are done with. Then a vision appeared, EJ (kuya) will be okay, will be able to land on his feet. However, if I did, I only have 40 days to stay with him and bunso… mind me, I can only watch, can no longer hug or kiss or talk to them and after 40 days, I am gone. And what happens to them when I’m gone? Then, everything sinks in? Realizing that I am gone. They’d be missing me and I’m no longer there to comfort them. Kuya is in a very confusing stage of “adolescence”, and I have been preparing for this time and now bailing off? Holding their hand in the midst of trouble, teaching and guiding them to navigate in the storm. All the effort, goes to waste? My heart was pinched and brought me back to reality. A confirmation, my heart is the problem. Once stressed it back flows to counter the lapse, causing water on the lungs thus creating artificial coughs and asthma – a coping mechanism indicating the heart is overworked. It’s not easy now I know. Figuring out took me a while and adjusting is almost forever! Although its only been 2 months, where I already have tachycardia “fast heartbeat” = 130 per minute. The next day I had hypotension 90/38, pulse rate 58. Potassium and medicine will assist – as the doctor will put it. Reading about it heart ailments on google makes my heart tremble every time and I cannot help but react. So, for now, no to reading materials. The scarier it become until I finally figure out the puzzle. As to every bread winner/head of the family/ single mom’s fear, is never easy every time. Some are lost in figuring it out while many continue with the journey, many are finding it out while other are lost in the battle. August 26, 2022 Image: Pinterest

I'd like to make a blast to my sponsor! @Iamjohn thank u for the renewal my friend and of course, appreciate so much for you staying... Bless u! And for all the subscriptions, thank you everyone for staying with me in these tough times and surely will be a bumpy road ahead... Well try to make it fun and exciting like never before. Keep safe and bless you all! Love lots! Mwah!

For 2 subscriptions I lost this month... Thank you so much for riding with me for a while... See you around...

Photography, on the loose! *My shots were never, - impressive! My son took some nice pictures and use an image to submit to a company activity for August “Mobile Photography”. Already submitted our “DIY for Kids” entry, now this.* He has good shots but, early today he came home to take his school records as he was transferring to provincial school where he will be staying for a while. Oh! I was so heartbroken! But, before he could leave, I briefed him and let him see who we are competing against on the “Mobile Photography” contest. They’re professionals with iphones/Huawei phones whose cameras are really amazing, while never mind ours! Lolz. Showing you some of his photos and be the judge of it. While I told him to give me options especially on night shots so I can add up a very good caption, which is part of the criteria. **Criteria:** Adherence to the Theme (Nature) 30% Composition 20% Photographic Quality 20 % Visual Impact 20% Caption 10%   Hmmm. I already have some night shots almost silhouettes. Thinking of captions like “Let’s give darkness its glory for no tomorrow commences without the night. After all, “tomorrow is another day” by Scarlett O'Hara. Let’s enjoy the evening to its finest!” Or “Dancing in the air. Soaring up high in the skies! Up, up and away!” Some of the captions I have thought of… hihihi! Loving it but it drains me too! Lolz. For this one, the caption I have in mind is… “Tomorrow is another day… by Scarlet O'Hara… Darkness falls and comes the night. Into the darkness, the moon shines. The creatures of the night awake! Another scary bedtime story to tell!” Or below maybe? I like to scare kids even my own, then ending it with Maleficent-like-laughter “hahahaha!”. Which makes it all the scarier… hahaha! I love how my kids react with chills and goosebumps. Tadahhh! Here's the piece I have posted... So, what do you think of the picture? I would love to hear your comments!!! Ah! Nothing beats outdoor photography! Simple and serene... When mother nature collides with man, captivating fun and excitement, going into an adventure of the unknown mysteries offered by nature. A fun ride I should say! The cool breeze of the gentle wind, in an afternoon ride into the suburbs! So relaxing... I was considering monetizing my son's photos and finding somewhere on the net to submit these photos. I would say this will be an endeavor but, I can always try, right? What do you think? Oh! Sorry AI, I could only wish you can fantasize with us on the captions. Spreading our wings and fly with our imagination! hahaha! Up, up and away we go! Mwah! A caption for photo below! Auguest 24, 2022 Images: ours

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Garden projects: Garden towers, our own vertical garden. *I have been meaning to build a vertical garden that is portable and perfect for indoor gardening. Over the weekend, the materials arrived and our DIY project is just timely at hand! And eventually made a video on this, posted it, and joined our company's activity on DYI for kids - though originally my own DIY but since "for kids" I might as well have my son join! It's more fun though having my little assistant with me doing things!* Oh! A space saver and energy saver at the same time. Easier maintenance for the running strawberries, where you can just plug in the runners - making a new mother plant. Pretty convenient isn't it? Oh! Also for the fruits where it is easy to monitor, almost rot-proof since they will all be hanging instead of sagging on the soil. While the epiphytes enjoy almost a replica of their original environment, close to what nature provides for them. Well, the wielded wire has arrived, cement is ready, red lead with the brush is up while the ties are just around… the assembly is ready as our hands will be fully loaded with all these. Oh! I have to ask my son to pick some rocks to put the weight down below for the towers to stand, which I missed filming - a souvenir of the look on his serious face picking up some stones for this project! Cutting the wielded wire has proven to be labor with the hands as shears were not available, using only scissors. The red lead is for rust prevention as we all know, metals exposed to air and water eventually rust. And I’d like to enjoy the towers for years, so I decided to apply the red lead. However, when I realized that the towers were too high, affecting structure and balance, I cut about a foot of it. Height was about 4ft, towering though but not good balance especially for the one that I had some soil on it, it was heavier. Unlike the charcoal, moss & cocopeat mix for the orchids were lighter. Oh, clumsy me… There is the 4th tower and I decided to make a cacsulent tower, together with haworthia as a mix. Though I would love to have lithops on it but I don’t have lithops on my palate for now. Perhaps in the future. For this, my concept was to create a garden that shows its possibility and wonders which are not yet embraced in this part of the world. Perhaps but not well exposed. At the same time, it saves me pots! Lolz, I am running out of pots and have no budget for additional. Hihihi! With the smaller cuts of the wielded wires, I thought of making shorter towers perhaps for a table decoration, especially for the phals. Now I think about it, will be doing some before posting this and showing you the pictures. As I had written in the past articles, I plan to grow my own food – my primary aim and have succeeded in a way where I enjoy harvesting the bitter gourd for my packed lunch at the office. And harvest some spices especially the lemongrass for the stew, so I don’t necessarily go out and buy. Putting it all together where I finally found a good planter for my potatoes, have it planted early this afternoon, hoping for a success story for this. Of course, not all were a success but they said, “never say die”. So, I kept on trying… No pain, no gain? Thank u for reading, ‘til the next update. Sorry for the blurry pictures, I'm stressed... August 24, 2022 Image: my own

House Security, not fully installed. House Security, is not fully installed. I have always a house security problems since the start of the relocation. I have been missing some materials like for the wall, I was planning to paint it with the leftover materials I found. So I blamed “Meh” for the missing items, thinking that he doesn’t want me to make improvements to the house for some unknown reason. He passes through walls you know! One of the major complaints of my eldest about the house is it's not well-made, in the sense that the angles are off like the doors almost don’t fit – off angles which is why the doorknob hardly fits. Now I have finally bought and installed this lock system, an old fashion one! And finally, those people who think my door is always unlocked finally get to think it’s always closed! As to “Meh”, hmmm, I wonder how he takes it now the doors are finally locked. Hahaha! Make no mistake, I’m planning to add another one, to keep it secure. Installing is really a challenge since the angles are off, I have to devise something so when I screw the lock into place it will fit and the screw will not come off. In cases where “men” will have a thought of getting it, the locks will not come off. This is actually the primary concern. That’s why I planned of installing another one to keep it secured. My youngest alone in the middle of the night, while I go to work makes me think he is safe! Especially now, crime rates are higher now that we had a newly elected president. Oh! I can’t gamble on his safety. Though we are on the second floor, I have made it secure for us. “Meh” was never a threat. In fact, he was one security, guarding my kids. Especially looking out for them during the typhoon, he was there ensuring they were safe while I went out to go work! And, in addition, he helps the restoration of our lights on Christmas day last year! So, he is actually a blessing. That was when our place was still secluded. Now, it’s a different story. We are exposed and some people, the former caretaker and the landlord’s son – (friends), will soon take advantage if I don’t do anything. As there are really missing items like tools and chargers. It has become alarming. So, it’s to double the effort and they were actually amazed to find out that the door is closed. Wandering when it happened. Well, I’m glad it made them think twice this time! August 23, 2022 Image: our own

Toxic friendship: Jealousy Confessions? Hahaha! Truly indeed. My part of the story started 2018, on a group chat for our batch. Someone told me “a bunch of flowers at your doorstep Jen!”. This is my best buddy from high school and he immediately messages “give me 1 chance, trust me!”. That’s where it all started from me! Yes, he caught my attention but still I am evasive because I still couldn’t remember his name completely. Then, a bunch of us went for a vacation, he was there. Upon arrival he was a bit annoyed, for all I care, I had kids to attend to. We were enjoying and so were the kids, looking forward to another vacation but to date, we only have JPARK to speak of but we were grateful. Before that, I felt like a (separated) lady from our batch likes him or had a crush on him and she was excited because she knew he liked or prefers “owned ladies” – the married ones. So I started teasing them, noticing her reactions to his presence, as I have also heard what he prefers correctly. She was lonely and having depression, to lift her spirits, became all too loosely spirited. She fell in love? Not that I would blame her, he is a perfectly sought-for-bachelor, handsome old man – stable and all the qualifications! Hahaha! And they’re more befitting since they talked a lot, whereas we never openly. The problem is… She was harassing me and I don’t like it. Harassing me because he has something for me that I am not interested in, I was really serious about rearing my kids so I don’t have time to look for that. She was harassing me because she wanted to get his attention and makeup stories about me! Like I was picking a fight with her? Accusing her of something, making dramas and all. Wha??? Honestly! So, I drove her crazy by cutting everything, from social media to FB/messenger! I was mad because everyone else acted like I did anything to her! They all seemed to believe her, and all they said was "she was our friend", of course, I got offended! Not to mention, I opened up a whole new world for her that took her out of her depression. When I cut everything, everything went dull. That really put an end to everything in the group because I was now picking little fights with them, making the claims a reality come true. All the more it all ended with the death of a friend, who initiated me into this. 2019, she finally decided to end her fantasy and decided to fight and win back her husband. While I couldn't care less, I wasn't interested. I hated the fact that she was using me to get close to him. The fact of trying to destroy me in front of him that I really don't care more. Worst, she made her daughter a scapegoat to further fuel her lies. Ah! People. If someone is treating your life and making your life better, treat them right. Not that you fuel your jealousy because the other person has something you don't have! Please, we are created equal. It's literal. One rich, the other poor, the other beautiful while someone is... one is bright the out dumb, one has fair skin while the other has pale and the rest tan! Getting jealous won't get you through life, it makes you miserable. Instead, work on the best quality you have and from there measure and challenge yourself on how far you can go with that quality. She was a very good entrepreneur and was flourishing, giving that up to be miserable to cover up her lies! Sad! And don't pick a fight with someone's coping mechanism is far better than yours, you'll really end up with a lot of excuses, dramas, and lies - never-ending. August 21, 2022 Image: pinterest

Anxious me...   *I have been absent here for days. I don’t feel like a rant but I want to write my story out, to let it out of my system. Lolz. I have a unique way of taking out my discomfort through saying it out loud, so I monologue a lot and writing too became an outlet. What I don’t understand is, a sudden surge of anxiety hit me over the weekend which I still don’t understand because there are still traces ‘til this point. It isn’t really that bad until today which peaked.* It’s more of the uncomfortable feeling like someone is about to attack me! Like something is coming so horrible that I want to run and hide. The last time I felt this was years back when I was really young and mind you literally, I really hid under the table (at the office) and brace myself until I regain composure. One of the days, that fear is really real for me! It’s not that I overthink. It’s mostly intuition. I have resolve most of it, it came from my son who was told to move out from our house because he had to stay at our provincial house because no one will be there for the coming days. My son is already dependable to the point that he can man a house, which is why I am confident with him leaving us. He come home this afternoon to tell me. I feel bad because this is just one of the days, when he is gone! Furthermore I am concerned because I just enrolled him and living in the province is too far, so transferring is one thing I am considering which is tiresome at some point. My only concern is that “how long is this going to be?” so he doesn’t need to transfer, right?! This is one of the days when they give him money and fuel his “feeling independent” times, this is actually a struggle for me. Although, I don’t mind giving him independence though as he has to learn “how the world runs”… Perhaps, this is just me – my possessiveness. He has to grow up though. My other concern is leaving my 2nd son alone while I go to work at night. Though he is dependable as well but unlike with kuya, but you will never know what happens in the middle of the night. Then if this continues, my other problem is taking him to school since he is not yet adept in crossing roads especially highways. Although I already thought of the resolve but still I am anxious. Kuya’s absent does present a lot of opportunity for the little one but like any mother, I believe we all relax knowing that everyone is in the house! Ayt? Mothers, should I say! Live in the comforts of a home where everyone is present! Good week to every one! Love lots… Thank u. August 19, 2022 Image: pinterest

God save me! *I ask the Lord my God to save me, from everything! It feels like I’m drowned in great turmoil that I really need his saving grace.* In a busy day, I got exhausted from everything. From the weekend feeling threatened, anxious to the point of fear, compounded every day like the anxiety is almost like a feeling that someone is about to attack me! So I asked help from God to save me, for I literally have no one else to help me! To help me feel secure like you feel in a warm embrace telling you everything is fine, nothing to worry about. Yes, I too in a rare occasion needs assurance that everything will work out. When everything seems to be daunting on me to the point of suffocation. Yes, those moments. That anxiety is overwhelming and I can feel fear engulfing me right to the point of no return. Like I want to curl to my knees, embracing myself because something is really coming! Yes, an intuition like this is really scary and crazy. Yes scary! It cripples me knowing something is up and have to “figure out what”? “Figuring out what” is what makes it scary and crazy, -good if there was something I know, its crazy when I’m clueless! You have to relentlessly think over the “what happened/what ifs/what’s wrong”?, is really terrifying. My case, oh, frightening that trembles my whole being. Shivering like I’m having a fever, cold on the extremities, I am still shivering over the feeling even if I were wearing a sweater with a hoody… That’s what I feel right now. Bad isn’t it? Yes, that’s why I have asked God to help me – save me! From this terrible feeling coming from unknown! There is no problem fighting for a known cause but when it’s unknown, I just feel like helpless! I have no one else to share it with so I ask God. I can’t share it with the little one, he too will feel it which I don’t want to! Well, it does a lot of fixes. Monologue (prayers) does a lot of fixing which I am grateful because my “peace lily plant” was flowering without me noticing it. Truly, it give me an immediate sense of peace! While at it, I took a nap so I can go to work with ease. Then suddenly I wake up from a dream, I feel like missing mama and indeed I am. Her presence does make things alright at some point. Then I sleep again, then another wave of anxiety hits me! This time from a ghost that’s been haunting me for 2 two years now. And I have declared to God “I surely won’t fight him anymore!”. Unfortunately, my playlist plays his song after that, following a good relief?! Oh! The heavens is talking! FYI… I am living alone for 3 years now, -my 1st 3 years living on my own with my kids. I have cut communication with my father and other siblings, except our youngest because the relationship has become too toxic since mama’s demise. Although, I live with them all my life, I’m not the kind to share all these emotions with them. I do my monologue (prayers) all the time so everyone knows! They see me talk to myself a lot. Shhh, I’m actually praying! Lolz. Sorry, but this really works for me all the time! And here I am again, hearing his song... Timely? Hayst! Really, I'm don't mind you don't believe but this is really too much of a coincidence. Just saying my story! Enjoy... August 18, 2022 Image: pinterest

Collecting Cryptos again! *Wow! I’m back to collecting cryptos again. This time not through faucets but writing and reading articles and tipping them!* I have been a writer for readcash for 10 months and collected an ample amount. I have lost all because I cashed it out due to necessity. Now, I’ve got some help, I planned on saving it up to build up a portfolio! Geez, now I am building a portfolio! Not that I am too inclined but some parts of me is saying so. I already started this journey not so long ago, I might as well continue since earning is really reasonable and more concrete now than before. I’ve also thought of building a portfolio for the market but funds are really low, however, there are apps that help you build up a goal that requires a minimum amount as low as Php 50. Enticing and I already started it last year. Profitable, sure but not as high as if you have the amount. Suddenly I realized that collecting crypto through faucets before was too minimal to celebrate and I have spent hours and days, months to years just to collect some and lost some. Now with due diligence and hard work, I can collect more than I ever did. **Readcash**, for instance. By writing articles, I have earned more than I have expected. I grew as a writer and the person that I am, and at the same time learned a lot in joining this community. Tipping and commenting too became fun. **Noisecash**, I no longer stayed. The demand is there and if you give it enough push yes, but too much social media for me is overwhelming. So I now limit myself to readcash. **Publish0x**. I wasn’t so eager until Eth is an earning option. So I came back to write or repost my articles with a little twist, tipping at the end of every read. Where some of the tips go to my wallet. Hmm, I cannot deny I was enticed and addicted to making tips and posting articles. **Hive**, I haven’t figured HIVE out but trying hard to. When I crack it perhaps. So far these are cryptos I am earning. However, @Mintdice wrote something that got me interested. I will be checking it out on the weekends as I’d be home doing a lot of gardening. I'm taking my time, slowly this time... August 17, 2022 Image: pinterest