Love Us to Hurt Us
WHAT CAUSES THOSE WHO SHOULD LOVE US TO BE ABLE TO HURT US?
One of the reasons it is so difficult to understand ourselves is that people are continually doing things to us that are in direct opposition to the common-sense perspective of how human beings should reasonably act around those they profess to care about. We hope that individuals who may have the titles of mother or father, husband or wife, or other family members, will treat us with kindly unless they have extremely compelling reasons to do otherwise. In spite of this, the harsh reality (which we must accept for our own sanity) is that humans are regularly plagued with sentiments that are so unbearable and tough that they acquire strong inclinations to pass them on to others in a form of emotional pass the parcel.
Humans can end up becoming cruel not for the sake of money or territory, but in the hope of alleviating their own pains by causing someone close to them to suffer in their place. Cruelty is, at its core, an attempt to make ourselves feel better by inflicting on someone else a version of what we have been through ourselves.
Due to the apparent normalcy of family life, people will therefore inject someone else (a spouse or child) with poison (an ill will, contempt, or hostility), which they will then deny ever having injected into their bloodstream and which the victim themselves will not be able to detect because they are so invested in thinking well of those around them.
If a mother injects her daughter with poison that carries the meaning: "Don't ever succeed in your life; it would make me feel too bad about myself," or if a father injects his son with poison that carries the meaning: "I want you to fail in your career in order to alleviate my sense of disappointment," or if a spouse injects their partner with poison that carries the meaning: "I will constantly but very subtly disrespect your intelligence and your sexuality in order to lessen the
Because such injections would be rendered ineffective if they were discovered, a great deal of effort is put into concealment. It's debatable how much the injector understands about what they're doing; they're more 'motivated' to act than they are fully conscious of how or why they're doing what they're doing.
A significant element of self-knowledge is the recognition that persons we love and have placed our faith in may have implanted some really harmful notions in our minds that must be identified and corrected in order for us to achieve the freedom and light-heartedness we seek and deserve.