Toxic Positivity vs Genuine Optimism

Hello everyone. I'm back. I lost my momentum in writing articles here when the bot started to become distant to me. It hurts a lot, like a canyon but my mind keeps telling me that it's beyond my control and that, this site has served its purpose in my life already.

Months from now, I'll be busier when our music gets acknowledged (hopefully 🤞) and will be invited to various bars and restaurants to perform. So that means to say that I won't have much time to roam around here like usual anymore. Seeing how the bot behaves on my account gives me a signal that probably he's saying goodbye to me also already.

Well anyway, I have seen a shared post from a friend in Facebook. I rarely visit my account there, I'm not really a Facebook person but the good thing was I came across her post telling me this:

Honestly, the phrases enumerated on the toxic positivity were the ones I used to keep my faith into but lately when all these new terminologies existed, I realized that yeah, they are an example of toxic positivity because we could rephrase it by focusing on the emotional state of the person you'll be talking with.

It centralizes a more realistic and practical sense of comfort towards the person.

Being negative won't help you

I usually hear this when someone feels down and emotional about a certain situation, one would advice that "being negative won't help you". This seems to me that you are taking away the time to process the situation.

Instead, this is the right way to advice the person, "it's important to let it all out. Is there anything I can do to make this easier for you?".

This assures the person that it's okay to express your emotions and that he/she is willing to extend a hand for you. That's assurance.

Good vibes only

Another positive phrase we usually hear when things are not on its feet. It sounds positive, it sounds encouraging and I know the purpose of this statement is to uplift and cheer the person.

However, genuine optimism sound more comforting and authentic when you tell the person "I love you through all your emotional states". This assures you that no matter how difficult things may be, no matter how moody you are as a person, he/she accepts who you are wholeheartedly. That person embraces your flaws. Companionship.

You'll get over it.

Toxic positivity at its finest. This just means to say how shallow you see the whole situation is. It sounds positive but it lacks connection and empathy.

Whereas, you'll say this to the person "you are so resilient and your strength will get you through it." This reminds the person how far he/she has been through fighting with the battles. This highlights a victorious assurance that you have come so far and still, you're here.

Other people have it a lot worse

This is such a red flag. This phrase compares your battles from other people and invalidates your emotions trying to make you feel that what you are going through is petty and that other people have worse problems than yours.

We should not compare and judge a person's decision based on how he/she handles it because we do not share the same frequency or level of pain tolerance. Other people are so vulnerable and so it's best to say that, "you are not alone and there is support to help you."

Smile, crying won't help

This deprives the person to feel what they truly feel. As the famous line says, it's okay to not be okay.

"It's okay to cry, we all do. Can I get you a tissue or a hug?" sounds so comforting telling us to acknowledge our weaknesses. Crying helps a lot to lighten the load we feel inside.

Just stay positive

As someone who is very melancholic, it's tough to maintain positivity in my life. I get easily distracted by negativity and I find it hard to recover right after.

"things are tough right now. Do you wanna talk about it or do something lighthearted?".

Hearing that would definitely comfort us and let us really feel genuine optimism. The statement is and open-ended question and so it gives the person options to think about what's best to do with the circumstances.

Lead image source

Thanks for reading.

Keep safe everyone!