The Most Heartbreaking Is To See Mom Cry

Hello there. This is another episode of venting out how life seemed to be so playful to me. As much as I want to share good things happening in my life, I can't seem to ignore the negativities I have gone through so far. I would say that for the past three years, I was challenged to maintain and compose myself facing adversities. Emotional burden, burnout, and the like. And here I am, writing about it again. My apologies. It's just that, it's been so heavy and I feel helpless.

Yesterday when uncle visited us here. If you have been following my articles, grandma and I have already moved out from the big house we used to live. The family decided to build a room for grandma here since our house has only 2 bedrooms. For the meantime, my parents are sleeping in the living room while grandma takes over their room. It's been 3 weeks already and we're still getting the hang of it.

Grandma has become more problematic. Her attitude has gone unbearable.To what I see, it seems like she's doing these childish things as her way of rebelling from moving in here. She wants to stay in the city but no one's gonna keep her company but myself. One solution my uncles were thinking is to bring us to their home but I don't like the idea of living in another house again. I feel so small, it's as if I have no choice but to follow their ideas.

Mom finally took the courage to speak up for me. She wants me to reunite with the family and besides, I have a home here. Why would I live in my relative's house? Couldn't I get a life of my own too? My life stopped for 4 years already to keep grandma company and as always, she doesn't appreciate that. She's not even thankful for our actions doing our best to make herself comfortable.

Sleepless nights, and emotional arguments, we never run out of that. It's been so draining. Mom has been the most affected of all of us since we moved in here. She's the main caregiver of grandma but grandma always finds details to complain about everything. Mom told uncle about grandma's behavior here but uncle just adviced mom to let it go and ignore those. She's just behaving that way because she's getting older.

To my point of view, I don't think these behaviors are a result of her getting older. She's doing this on purpose for us to kick her out of the house. And, that's not gonna happen because no one's gonna take care of her and be beside her but me. So we're like in a dark room desperately looking for a solution that is pointless.

After their conversation, mom got upset. She wanted for her brother to somehow help her with the situation but it seems like she's being abandoned. That's what I felt months ago when my uncle chose Sai-sai over me by the time the big house gets sold and we have to move out. He didn't even give me an option whether I'd go with grandma or go home here. He assumed that I should go with her and that if Sai-Sai doesn't want to go with us, she'd stay with them and work for them. Sai-Sai is supposed to work for grandma but he ruled out that thought and put me in.

Mom cried and blamed herself for being poor. If only we were rich, the ability to contribute financially, we wouldn't be in this tough situation. Mom feels so sorry for me for suffering. She thought that I could've been enjoying, working and saving for my own life. I feel alone knowing that my cousins and classmates are having the best time of their lives while me, being stuck in this situation. I haven't achieved anything yet and it makes me lose confidence and hope of finding my purpose. What breaks my heart most is to see mom cry. That's unbearable to me.

My uncle could easily say those words because they don't know what the real situation is. They have no idea how hard it is to take care of grandma. It's just so heavy. Every day is an emotional battle. We're always anxious about how she'll behave to the day. We don't resent the idea of taking care of her, what drains us the most is her attitude towards us. She never gets pleased no matter how hard we try to live up to her standards. That brings us to tears.

Thanks for reading.

Keep safe everyone!