I'm stuck in gridlock. There are constant interruptions. Waiting in long lines at store checkouts. Our days can be filled with small irritations that only serve to add to our stress levels. Understanding why we get frustrated and what our personal causes are will assist us in getting through it.
Frustration arises when we don't get what we expect, or when we are denied the opportunity to do what we want – or need – to do. It's important to learn how to handle agitation so that it doesn't become unbearable. This is all too clear when we see an overtired or hungry toddler lose control of their emotions. The only difference is that we have improved our ability to recognize and control our emotions. As an adult, I recall being frustrated by my first iPhone, when my fingers skittered across the screen, autocorrecting and misspelling every letter, and I felt as frustrated as a young child doing their first jigsaw puzzle.
The good news is that anger isn't necessarily a bad thing; it can also be a motivator, prompting us to make improvements and allowing us to look more closely at what's causing us to feel this way. Are we resisting anything that could be beneficial to our health? What is my annoyance trying to tell me? What am I having trouble with?
There's a chance we'll have a "aha" moment. And if we can simply pause at this point and engage with our dissatisfaction, it can expose its root cause and provide useful solutions. For example, if you're dissatisfied because you're not progressing at work, maybe the solution is to obtain more experience or, more dramatically, to change jobs. Frustration will motivate us to take action that will lead to a positive change.
But there are certain things we can't alter. Then we must be willing to agree that a difference of opinion, or even how we stack the dishwasher, is not personal. And, rather than being irritated by it, people can be thoughtless or distracted at times. We can choose not to communicate with them rather than be frustrated by them. One of the best pieces of advice I've ever received was to ask myself, "Do I want to be right, or do I want to be happy?" Because focusing on being right can be frustrating at times, I've learned to bite my tongue and let the small stuff go by.
There are times when no quick solution is available, and certain frustrations take time to overcome. The effects of breaking my leg on a walking holiday a few years ago – being non-weight bearing for six weeks, unable to drive, and having to rely on others for support to do stuff I would normally do for myself without hesitation – were excruciating. I could begin to change my thoughts for what I could do and how I could better help my recovery because I knew it was time-limited. I have improved my ability to ask my children to do more on their own!
Frustration can be compounded by other feelings of frustration, dissatisfaction, or disappointment – even rage – which makes it even worse, particularly when you're physically exhausted, hungry, or stressed. When we are in a calm, collected state of mind, we reach the point of anger much faster.
When we're annoyed, it's always a good idea to take a step back, count to ten, and consider what's bothering us with a little more distance, almost as though we're looking in from the outside. This will also give us the space to differentiate between what we want and what we need, as well as help us accept what we can improve and what we can't, by taking a moment to consider the differences.