Love and something more

I have walked on roads I have not trodden, I have lived in dark places. My days are spent alone, not because I don't have someone who wants to be with me, but because I don't want to be with anyone. I have lived most of my life misunderstood. Today is one of many days when I stop to think about so many things. Well, the truth is that I can't find coherence in anything. Nothing motivates me either. I've come to think that I'm just a body without a soul. Although I can't deny that for some inexplicable reason I can't stop thinking about that sweet lady called "Sofia".

Sofia, that sweet lady, pink, big brown eyes, deep gaze, perfect teeth and angelic smile. If, if, Sofia causes in me what nobody has achieved, although my life this so empty many times I feel that she with only a smile can achieve to illuminate all my being. To be able to feel this way with only thinking about her only means only one thing (Love), love that I feel with only seeing her perhaps, I am the most illusioned man in the world, because Sofia does not have a direct conversation with me, I do not think she will ever have one either. Not because I feel less than her or incapable, only that she wouldn't look at someone like me.

Days go by and I just think that my whole world revolves around Sofia. Even if I have a bad day, just thinking about her, everything changes, when someone manages to make that change of emotions in our way of being, we just have to try. Sometimes I just want to express everything I feel today, although the fear of rejection is totally latent.

Today 01/03/21. I managed to have a conversation with Sofia. Although she showed a little sympathy, I still don't think it's the right time to tell her how I feel about her. Sofia just cleared my doubts, that woman has considerable power in my life. I want her to be a part of it and I will do anything to get her love.

At times like these, when I feel so lonely and depressed, I understand that my way of being doesn't help either. I have to change so many things if I really want to achieve something positive with Sofia.

08/03/21. Today was another day with the most beautiful woman on the planet, I know I sound corny, I'm probably so immersed in my desire to be her partner that I don't think of anyone else. Today I was able to hang out with Sofia, being able to have a conversation where we didn't just talk about studies was great. To be able to know a little more about this woman is fantastic for me. Knowing what she likes and sharing her interests is great. I don't know if my wish will come true and we will finally be together, Sofia has managed to get me out of that dark hole where I just wanted to live, without having to show my feelings for fear of being hurt. So she has already done a lot for me.

For men like me, where being able to show our feelings is so difficult, it is a challenge to get something good out of it. So, to be able to say that I like a woman and not only that, causes in me what none of them have achieved is, quite a lot. To be able to say that I like a woman and not only that, it causes in me what none of them have achieved is, quite a lot.

I have always been very shy, I don't like to share with anyone, I don't like to see myself vulnerable in front of anyone, part of my resistance to get someone who can know everything about me and still not be scared away is the same "irrational" fear I feel of being rejected. I sound like a psychologist. Maybe I am, there is nothing left to do but keep trying to change the way I live. All because it's worth it, it's worth fighting for the love of a woman, I haven't felt this before, to be honest I just want Sofia to accept me as I am.

23/03/21. The days have passed from moment to moment I have shared with Sofia. A woman who at first glance seems to hide nothing, being the opposite her infallible weapon, a woman with a rather dark past, perhaps worse than mine, but her security shows me that she is not afraid of anything, she seems almost infallible. A woman who shows security and toughness, makes me even more crazy about her. I really don't know where I'm going to end up with all this, the only thing I know, Sofia Browsers, has achieved the highest podium in the career of my life.

Today something quite curious happened, at times I felt that Sofia stared at me and when she saw that I was going to turn around she looked away, my intuition tells me that something in me aroused curiosity in her, I still don't know what she is looking for, but at the moment it's nothing more than a friendship. "A woman can be so many things to a man, she can be light, happiness, darkness, desire, pleasure, love, and, if you're lucky like me, she can be all of the above. That's how fucked up I am by this woman. My senses have gone mad, my thoughts are about her, my world spins and moves for Sofia. I feel fear, much more than before, but if she didn't try, then when? It's a fair truth, perhaps my fear is my worst enemy. Now is the time.

04/04/21. Today I'm going to see Sofia. I have some anxiety, I hope that when the time comes I can dare to tell her everything I feel for her. I can't keep swallowing this, this knot is getting tighter every day, I don't know how people who are going through the same thing as me can cope, if only I had someone to give me some advice. I really don't know, Josué seems to be someone decent, he's my classmate since primary school. Maybe he can help me with all these things I'm feeling. Although I'm also afraid that Josué, could bring everything I feel for Sofia out into the open and everyone will make fun of me. "I don't know what to do right now," well, there is no other way.

A few hours later that same day...

I met Sofia, the truth was not what I expected, I thought it was going to be much better than it seemed. At least I tried, although I don't know why she didn't dare to tell me anything. That thing of staying quiet and not talking hurt me a little. I know Sofia, I know that something is wrong, it's not like that just because. Something is wrong with her, so I must persist in finding out what it is.

09/04/21. To have known that this was going to be so hard and not to have noticed anyone in my life, love really hurts and a lot. That's what I thought before I saw my great love. There was Sofia, to see her was to heal any existing evil in my life. At the same time it caused some anxiety not knowing if she was pleased to hear how much I love her or not.

- Sofia, "was very clear, she knew that to have a relationship was to say end to a very good friendship for her so she only thought if she should give that great past and be something more, she knew that with him she could have a true love story, the fear managed to dominate her mind at times and did not allow her to give a concise answer so she chose not to say anything more about the subject".

-Luis, "knows what he should do, confronting in due time can give the necessary push to formalize a relationship, he knows that he should not push or he can lose her, so then, waiting is the best strategy. He begins to read a book, called "Love and something else", a book quite deep, where he tried to explain; (the different ways to express love and how far it could go), identified completely begins to delve into his imagination and helped by the reading of that great book, Luis, begins to understand so many things, which manages to see from different points, because he did not receive an answer from Sofia.

Then for Luis, everything had fallen into place, he knew that she loved him equally but he also knew that moving on to another stage could lead to losing each other at some point. Luis knew what he had to do.

That same day at night, he looked his best, dressed like a soap opera star, he went out, he knew he had a mission, for him there was no turning back. He went straight to the door of his house, perhaps without thinking what he was going to say, just guided by his instinct. When they opened the door, it wasn't Sofia, it was Josue. Luis didn't know what to say, his brain was trying to process so much information, so much so that he decided to leave without even saying a word.

-Sofia, he asked, "Who was it?

-Josue answered, something strange happened, it was Luis, he was very well dressed, the strange thing was that he left without saying anything and his face wasn't very good, I felt sadness in his eyes.

-Sofia knew that Luis had left thinking that she had something with Josue, so she decided to look for Luis and talk to him.

-Luis knows well that he was to blame for everything, he thought everything wrong, he made a movie in his mind that wasn't reality at all. With his heart about to explode like a bomb, he only cried to drain so much pain and sadness. After several hours, someone knocked on the door. Knock knock, Luis shouted, who is it, what do you want? -Sofia answered. It's me Sofia, I need to talk to you! -Luis didn't know what to do. His face was that of a crying child. Eyes very watery, a lost look. He knew if he went out she was going to see him like that. Then he shouted, "You'd better go, I don't want to talk anymore". Sofia replied, "I don't want you to think something about me that is not true. (If you think I have something with Josue, then you are wrong, my heart already belongs to someone else).

Luis could not say anything, he heard what he heard and could not believe it, after several minutes, opened the door, there was no one Sofia had left. And with her Luis' heart.

This story will continue.