Good day to anyone that's reading this I just want to continue the rants and things that I wrote yesterday. I feel so such a disappointment right now because I can't be active as much as I can while it's a good time to earn some BCH while the price is still at this rate but I don't like this situation to be much longer because it's also hard when it's price will stay at this low.

Well back to the my rants and worries about my life right now😅. Yesterday I feel kinda embarrassed on what I shared good thing there isn't much of the audience that reads it. Today I just want to share more thoughts that I am been thinking lately.

Yesterday I shared about the stress we are getting from my father but now I will also want to share things that also worrying me. Our family or my father side is quite a mess right now literally. Everyone is so toxic and full of pride that's why it's also adding to so much stress I am getting right now. One example of this is my father being a childish again. This cause so much trouble to everyone. Well my uncle and his family just got back here in the Philippines today but there are not staying here there are in another province right to his wife's parents house for vacation. They will also be here for the outing that they been planning for a long time.

The initial plan of my uncle is to go to a few cities from our city to go into a mini resort/ vacation house for it to be rented because it have a house for us to accommodate and it's also have a hot spring for my grandfather and pools for us to enjoy. But my father suddenly got "tampo" I forget the English translation for that but he was so unhappy that he wasn't consulted because he always want to take part of everything. My father even ignore them all and it puts us in the ackward situation because my father keeps saying that we should go and he will just stay in the house alone etc etc.

He was acting like a child that you snatched a candy from him. Yeah my father have this weird traits and personality he was so "matampuhin" but in fact all of them have bad attitudes or little thing about their attitudes. I think it was from my grandfather because my grandfather also have this kind of attitudes but they inherit different attitudes. I think my father inherit on of the most annoying attitude of my grandfather which is I said "Matampuhin and childish". They all have bad attitudes in them but to be fair I think all of us also have some bad attitudes or traits that we get from them.

The unending battle of pride,ego and boastfulness is going around in our family I just don't want to discuss it all but from here alone I am so much stressed. You may think that it's all from my father but it also have from them I just don't want to talk about them hahahaha.

School Stuffs

As you may remember if you may read several articles of mine I like to complain about how much stuffs I am doing because it's true it's like the teachers see us a robot and they don't stop giving a lot of activities even though we still have lot and there's a big projects that we need to pass soon.

To be honest this was really nothing to me if I am not stressed about other things because I am used to do a lot of school related stuffs but I just can't do anything right now because I am so stressed and my body and mine doesn't work out. I became much more stress because it's not the right time to break out because there's a lot of deadline coming but I wasn't doing anything because I can't my body and mind can't do it that's why I need to surpass this thing immediately because the time won't wait for me I have to catch up with it.

What also really stressing me in school stuffs right now is the part of some of my classmates and past classmates. Here's the thing even though I am so busy and stressed I've been helping some of my friends that currently working but still studying in their research, projects , activities and help them if they have any questions about the lessons because they can't attend all the lessons. I am just helping 3 friends but there is a word that spreads out that I am helping other people with their works and outputs that's why a lot of people that practically I do even know much is coming to ask for help.

It's good thing if they are just asking something but they want me to do there work for them. Nahhh I won't do this but I feel kinda bad about it. Let me share a little fact that I am doing since back then. As you may know I shared a few times that I am an honor student in our batch back in Junior High school. Well back then our school have a tutoring programs and I am one of the people that helps to teach other students. I don't really talk about it to other people because I didn't do it for other things I just really want to help others.

And because of this a lot of my batch mates still messaged me sometimes to ask for their activities like math, science or etc. And I am helping them even though they go in different schools with me that's why I know some lessons that other schools took because they are asking me about it. On average I get around 4-6 messages for month in different past batch mates to ask about their own lesson. I just help them when I know about it or I can but this month I don't know there is a lot of people asking for help with me but I can't help them because I am also busy and stressed out because of my school and this makes me feel so bad about it.

I don't know what I am feeling about it. Personally I knew that I shouldn't bother to think about it but my inner self can't stay in peace knowing that they must come in me for help but I didn't even managed to help them.

There are still some personal things that I am stressed about right now but I don't want to share it. I just wanna keep this remaining things in private. I just wrote this article and the article yesterday to vent out my feelings because I can't find anyone to talk to right now honestly. I tried to chat in one of my best friend but it turns out he was stressed also and just keeps on sharing about his problems since I don't want to be burden to anyone I just didn't share it to my friends or anyone I know. I just vent it right here because no one knows who I am here.

If you know me in person I think you won't even think that I am writing this kinda of stuffs because even though I am not really a person that is so comfortable in playing or bonding with because I am always shy but in other people that know me like my classmates or friends they know me that I always try to think positive even though I have some bad attitudes 😅.

Author's Note:

This article is just full of worthless things that I am stressing about that's why it was so disorganized because I can't still organized my thoughts. I hope I feel a little better because if I don't I might fail because there is a lot for me to do right now in school and personal stuffs. Thanks for reading this.

Lead image is from Luis Villasmill in Unsplash.

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