This month was I might say that one of the disappointing, tiring, and stressful month for me this year. I don't want to say that it's my worst month of the year because we are just going through the 1st part of the year and there are still a lot of months before this year ends that's why I am still positive that good things will happen in the next few months in my life because God is good he may give me a hard time but I am sure that good things will come I will just trust him and do whatever I can to improve and overcome anything that might come in the future.

In this first part of my article I want to list down things that gave me a lot of reasons to think that I am having such a hard time. This is not to be overdramatic or something I just want to list down and be aware on what really happening in my life this month because everyday is a new is always a new problem.

Negative Things/ Events

My Father

I know that if you might read this you may not have an idea on what I am talking about because there are a couple of people that read that article about me ranting all my problems about my father these past few months but yeah I just don't want to talk about it because I just feel stressed is going throughout my body when I am thinking about it.

School

To be honest even though I am pretty much pressured and stressed about school it's the thing that I can totally manage. I don't want to say that I am quite immune or used to problems about school and stress that it gives but I can pretty much say that I might certainty do. I just like to rant all about it because it's my reliever from all those toxic thoughts that I am getting when I am doing it. I like to rant about it but I am fully sure that I will do it because things in school may give me a lot of hard times but it also teaches me a lot if lessons not only in the certain knowledge and learnings that I have to learn but also in the things in life that something that can't be teach but can be naturally learn by myself having to experience it.

Unreached Goals

I am really bothered with this one because I am always trying to say to myself that I will do better next month and will reach my goals but even though I can't always hit them I am somehow close to what I am expecting but this month was a total lose for me. Before the month start I set my own goals that I want to achieve in Read and Noise but unfortunately I didn't even get to even reach the half my goals for this month.

Even though I know to myself that I have a completely reasonable things to say about these things but I just can't help to feel disappointed in myself about it because I also know to myself that I can do better than this. You might think that this goals is something related to the money well it's true but I also have some goals like to read a lot of articles and interact in the platforms but I can pretty much say that I that I totally failed with this. As for earning part I want to be completely honest that how much disappointing I am to my performance because I didn't get a lot of viewers to read my works because I am always saying to myself that I will try to write something not related to me but I always ended writing about all the things that happened to myself and all my rants about my life even though I am not proud of this I can say that I am happy in what I am writing because I am considering it as my diary even though it's the internet where a lot of people can see it I am feeling much comfortable to tell about it because this is something I can't really do in real life. I always tend to keep to myself all the things I am going through or the problems that I am thinking about because I am afraid that those people that I know will judge me whatever they want and I don't want that because it's a hurtful thing to hear and think about when someone that I care said something that might hurt me and I don't want my problems be the cause of misunderstanding in anything.

Being Sick

Well this something that I can say pretty much normal to me because I can be sick a pretty much couple a time in a year but I am always experiencing that at least once a year I will be sick for a couple of days and in my case this year is more than a week even though I still have a cough and a little runny nose I can say that I feel much better. Because I experienced once before I just can't remember the year being sick for 2-3 weeks and I am almost absent for the whole month that time in school.

Me being sick is something that I really hate because I can't do anything. I can't think properly, do simple chores I am used to do, being paranoid the whole time, and a lot more. This sicknesses that I went through this month gave me a lot of problems that I am trying to cover up these past few days to be able to catch up even little by little.

Note to myself:

In this article I just want to say to myself that even though I have a lot of things that doesn't go in my way I just want to tell to myself that everything will be better soon. If you are reading this you might think I am weird writing note to myself that trying to cheer up and lift my spirits up on my own. Well I just have to do it because I don't have anyone that will do this thing other than me. You know self support 😅.

Author's Note:

Thank you for reading this article. I just want to say that I will try to do better in all things in the next following months not only here but also in my life. I hope that anyone that reading this right now have a nice and happy life right now. But if you don't let's just work hard try until he will give us something that that we want because he was just there and I know that he was watching all the hard work that you are doing.

Lead image was from Unsplash.