So, I'm here. I will clarify what secondary emotions are, why they are necessary and beneficial and what we can do with them.
Secondary emotions
These are the emotional experiences we have as a consequence of some emotion. They happen when we have judgments or convictions on those thoughts, and what's all right or not all right to feel.
For example:
Our primary feelings would be concerned or nervous if we were worried or anxious over something, but we were humiliated or ashamed that we ever felt that way. And it would be our secondary feelings, guilt or humiliation.
The secondary feelings will now be defensive. You know, in a certain situation, maybe at work or whatever, we do not feel comfortable expressing how depressed or angry we are, and instead we act out in frustration to scare people away, and to make sure we don't feel too exposed.
They don't smile at them, as they see us, regardless of how we actually feel and what's going on. So, just for clarification, sorrow would be our primary emotion in that case, and rage would be secondary.
Yet you can see how it can shield us from making our real feelings of pain or anger revealed by presenting a more violent emotion. In our decision or convictions about our primary emotions, the root of secondary emotions is.
I hear too many about anger or hurt isn't okay to do. That means we don't grant ourselves permission to experience it. Alternatively, we stuff it down and let the secondary sensation lead the way, which can harm ourselves and our experiences.
Not to mention that we express what we don't actually believe, don't we? That secondary feeling isn't what we really experience, which is blowing to me kind of mind. And it makes me wonder if that's why understanding why we feel as we feel can be complicated.
Maybe we don't really know so it's not exactly what we think we feel. Does that make sense? Ok, I hope so. But it just sort of blew my mind when I was thinking about this and writing this post. This has made me wonder about it. And I was like, Oh my Goodness, I was like that.
Overall, however, secondary feelings sometimes aren't beneficial, and they distract from what we actually know. Therefore, we do not like them all the time in our lives. Yes, in particular circumstances, they have their location, so it will be best.
For example:
If I can understand that I'm concerned, and I let him know that I'm worried and ideally get the support I really need instead of lashing out at my friend in frustration, you know?
And now, what are we going to do? Ok, when secondary thoughts regarding those emotions are born out of our own convictions, we're going to have to recognize what those beliefs are. And by using a feeling map and monitoring our emotions each and every day, we will start doing that.
And I know this can be complicated and boring, so let's try to come up with three or five things a day that we feel. And because most of us do work at home and at home all the time, it can really help to have a map of emotions or to bookmark it on your computer or phone.
In the morning, midday, and evening, take a look at it and choose one that suits with each of those times. You've got your three already then, poof! And then, note that if you run away from those feelings or when you read one, you immediately say, no, you won't feel that.
Or maybe you already know that any of the emotions on the list are not right for you to experience. And just think about it, you know, because we always believe it's all right for someone to believe it, but only not for ourselves.
So make sure you're worried about whether it's okay for you individually or not. Hopefully, when you pursue these, you will discover any emotional terms that make you uncomfortable, or one that you know you never convey, or encourage yourself to feel entirely.
And this can be tough, I know, but stick with it because it can allow us to reveal some of the beliefs and judgments we have regarding those emotional expressions. Rage or violence, for me, is not okay.
Which brings us to the second level, and that is working out how to healthily convey these negative or main emotions.
This is why I'm always asking you to try to talk to your psychiatrist about things. Like, let's say you didn't like what they did, or something important they overlooked. For our lives outside of therapy, it's excellent preparation to continue to bring that up in therapy, stand up for ourselves, you know, be assertive.
But back to feelings, anyway. You know it was coming, interactions with people in our lives, or even action, like throwing a ball against a wall, or going on a stroll. We will learn to communicate them by journaling.
We should also build secure places for us to do this, including weeping in the bathroom, where we can't be seen by others. And then, as we are doing that, we should have some anonymity.
We will need to be imaginative, but allowing us the time and space to experience these primary feelings will give us the facts to show that they are not so terrifying, evil, or toxic, or whatever we used to think about them.
We are building our case against our old assumptions about them in a certain way. And often, through new actions and interactions, we have to show ourselves wrong in order to modify a conviction we have.
They will tell us who we want and who we don't like, what makes us to be upset or upset, and what we need to do to deal with what we feel, and so many other things.
It will take time to reach into them, to listen and feel without judgement, but believe me, it's worth it. And if we don't make the effort to do something, we will find unhealthy ways of dealing for ourselves.
The stuffing down to how we actually feel is what I think drives people to use drugs or alcohol, to self-injury and to indulge in actions of eating disorder, you name it, all those dysfunctional coping skills we talk of, so we don't know how to process what's going on inside our mind, so we prefer to numb out.
And we may even catch ourselves in toxic marriages, or employment, or living conditions, when we don't listen to our own feelings. But let's fight back and work to tap in, continue to monitor the thoughts, find some safe ways to communicate them.
And trust me, once we're able to recognize the primary emotion, it won't feel so out of control or disconnected from what's going on. It will be easier to validate, understand, and express.
Thank you so much for reading my little article, GOD BLESS!
