This is just a continuation of my previous long introduction post about who I am ❤️
I thought that by going to my Aunt's house my misery would somehow be lessen. But it was yet another mess hall for me. It was very hard to hide my pregnancy when I was surrounded by actual mothers. I would bit my lips during the worst nights when my tummy would hurt because I don't want my Aunt to hear me. I would wear tummy shapers to hide the bump. Would do all the chores that sometimes lead me to bleed. I can't eat what foods I crave because I don't have enough money to satisfy my craving and because I can't let my Aunt be suspicious. So when cravings starts punching me in the face I would just eat salted biscuits and hot coffee then vomit it all out. Sometimes I would let myself vomit until my throat hurts and I can't vomit no more. I feel so sorry for my baby. Other pregnant girls would be showered with whatever food they crave for, or be showered with well wishes and support but me, I starve my baby because I was a coward. So suicidal tendencies became more aggressive. But miraculously everytime I try to harm myself my tummy would hurt so bad that moving is a struggle so I end up lying down and when the pain subsides the tendency would be gone. It was like my baby is trying to save me from doing something evil as taking my life. After two failed suicide attemps I started getting back on my feet but my boyfriend won't let me. He would make stupid attempts to get my attention like attempting to hurt himself or that he would spread bad rumors about me again. I was pretty stupid back then so yeah, just one drama from him and there I was. I remember he would call me out in the middle of the night just to fetch him from a bar because he was too drunk to go home. He would bet me when I refuse to give him his bodily desires. He even kicked my tummy one time. Sometimes I even got home with bruises and bite marks on my back and cigarette burnt marks in my arms. He calls me stupid and useless. Even compares me with other girls. He would swear at me so bad that he would catch his breath after. One time he invited me out on a date, well I thought it was OUR date but it turned out that it was His date with a new girl and I was his pregnant cousin. I WAS HIS COUSIN,what a tool! And there infront of these two "amazing couple" I watch as he kisses her on the lips. Would touch her face and body and legs (oh for crying out loud get a freakin room!!!🤢🤮) and as there lustrous date ended I paid for the food and drinks they ordered, paid for their hotel room and I was left alone in the street crying like a piece of lunatic as I slowly marched my way home to my Aunt's house. Such a dream huh?! I thought movies were exaggerating but hey! mine is fine it's not at all exaggerated! 😒🙄 I was actually hoping that he would treat me atleast a bit nicer since I was expecting his baby, but he seemed to be unbothered that he got me pregnant. Cruel! During those days I have been blessed with amazing people to support me with all my circumstances. I have three amazing women who stood with me until I was able to got back again and somehow made it to my 2nd trimester without suicidal thoughts. They saved me. Me and my baby.