Dear diary,
Since Wednesday, Bryan refused to talk to me. A first, I was furious and swore to give him a good scolding for ignoring my messages.
He knows how I can be when I’m annoyed, yet he didn’t bother to check on me. We were both okay. No argument, no tiff, we were on good terms, he changed overnight.
I guessed the devil dropped to planet earth himself and decided to ruin some peoples relationship and wreck some havoc. Gradually, my anger turned to worry and concern. Secretly I was hoping he is fine,…..I called him times without number he refused to pick my calls.
My worry grew the more, I couldn’t reach him, I was out of data. when I was finally back online, I sent him messages and he refused to reply nor read even though he was online. My heart got shattered the more when he cleared the nickname we set for each other on Facebook, he used to call me priceless jewel and went ahead and cleared it..
My AYANFE is breaking my heart without reason. We didn’t fight and he refused to talk to me, I even called him with my roommate’s number on Friday night and he picked up after the second trial…I was so relieved when I heard his voice.
He has no idea how much I miss him, I asked why he didn’t pick my calls he said he was not around when I called and I know it was a lie, he was avoiding , as if I’m a plague, not to be touched. I called again with my number the next day he didn’t pick. It was then I realized that he was doing it intentionally. Yet, I didn’t give up I messaged him again but still he didn’t read.
For Christ’s sake Bryan, I am writing exam, my system is destabilized, I can’t think straight all my thoughts are concentrated on you.
I LOVE YOU MADLY, I AM OBSESSED, I AM INTOXICATED WITH YOUR LOVE. I don’t know what I have done to deserve this. I even heard that he is now back to Lagos, that means by the end of this month or early next month, he will leave for Canada. I am broken I don’t know how to describe how I am feeling. It would have been better if he comes out plainly and tells me he is no longer interested.
Instead of being abandoned and ignored. He is treating me as if I’m not important at all and it hurts badly. Now, I know I’m not feeling well because of this issue. I hope I don’t go mad this way.
Bryan wants me dead if not he won’t abandon me, he knows I have suicidal thoughts and yet…WHY ME, I CANT EVEN READ WELL, I can’t forget. I am addicted to him but if he leaves without telling me or talking to me, the scar will always be there, and the healing process will take long years….guys wont be my thing because I am sure they will be irritating me.
When I thought I have finally seen my LOVE, it seems everything is a facade, a cloud that will soon wear away………I will try to call him again with my number and if he doesn’t pick, I will give up and work towards becoming that independent lady I have always wanted to be. And show him and others that without them I can be something in life with God by my side.
I am extremely hurt ,I am just faking a smile, so no one will suspect anything…I don’t want others to see my tears. I have cried a lot this past week all because of him.
It is not easy to forget someone you love easily and I don’t think anyone can replace your love in my heart…well, I don’t know if that person will come but for now u are still in my heart baby. I LOVE YOU MORE THAN YOU EVER IMAGINE, YOU ARE MY AYANFE, MY TEDDY BEAR, MY CUPCAKE, MY BABY. I LOVE YOU A LOT, PLEASE COME BACK TO ME IF YOU ARE MINE, IF WE ARE MEANT TO BE TOGETHER FOREVER.
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