@Iremori 12 July 2020

Love Story of a Pessimist

I've always hated this world I hate waking up in the morning I hate walking I hate talking I hate faking smiles I hate using my facade I hate having friends I hate noisy places and people I hate the sun I hate introductions I hate those who use others I hate lies I hate work I hate being used I hate being judged I hate being told what to do I hate fake people I hate love I hate getting rejected I hate trying hard I hate bright places I hate colourful places I hate cleaning I hate laundry I hate relying on others I hate cheerful songs I hate PDA I hate caring for others I hate social media I hate going online But most of all I hate myself But there’s something I can’t seem to hate You I tried to get you out of my head But every time I see you The more you get glued inside my brain The more your face gets clearer inside my head The more I can’t forget you The more memories I remember The more I want to be like you The more I like my days The more I wanted to stay The more I admire you The more I like you Believe me I tried I didn’t go to school I never talked to you I avoided you But instead I wanted to see you more I wanted to talk to you I wanted to be with you Because of that I started to change Most of the things I hate I started to like Most of the things I like I started to hate Most of the things I don’t want to do I wanted to do Most of the things I want to do I didn’t do anymore Most of it Is because of you The things I hated Somehow I wanted like I wanted to like this world I wanted to wake up in the morning I wanted to walk I wanted to talk I wanted to have friends I wanted to work I wanted to love I wanted to try hard I wanted to like cleaning I wanted to rely on others I wanted to like cheerful songs I wanted to care for others I wanted to like social media I wanted to like going online I wanted to like myself I wanted to change So that maybe some day You’ll look my way You’ll give me a chance You’ll be with me You’ll go to places with me You'll be there for me Or maybe just try to consider my feelings I wanted to help you I wanted you to stay I wanted you to be with me That may be a dream but I seriously wanted that Even if it’s just in my dreams Even if it's a lie I wanted it to happen But then the more I see you The brighter you become The more I talk to you The more I don’t understand The more I listen to you The more I realize that we're worlds apart The more I'm with you The more it became clear That someone like me A rather dull Clumsy Gloomy Selfish Stupid Careless Guy like me Would never be with someone like you Would never stand in the same ground as you No matter how hard I try What I wish for Will never come true I knew that from the start What did I even hope for? I guess I just want to believe That somehow it’s not true That somehow it will happen That somehow it can change In the end, I just hurt myself I just disappointed myself So I just went back To the way I was before And I hated myself even more