Freedom in Myself

“I believe in freedom.” What is freedom? Can one believe they are free and not actually be free? Does freedom actually exist?

The opinions that I write are developed understandings that I reach upon time spent pondering. They are still opinions. Just as the world constantly changes, building and growing from a foundation being perpetually placed, so do my understandings of my surroundings, my opinions, and therefore the opinions themselves. No one person can know the answer, unless the source of all things itself were to reveal the answer to all. However, we can learn from each others ideas and opinions, and grow toward a common truth together. Why is that so fantastical? Isn’t that, specifically, freedom? By knowing the other side of the balance wholly, do we not allow ourselves to make a more informed decision based purely on depth of understanding? I do not mean merely knowing the facts. The facts are important as they give the truth of the situation. On a deeper level, I mean understanding the other party. The more I understand of what is around me, the more I grow. This includes the “negative” experiences. This also includes understanding what’s underneath people and ideas I disagree with. I don’t necessarily intentionally seek these understandings. I do my best to remain open to them, and ask the right questions when the opportunities present themselves. By doing this; by expanding my view of my life experiences, I believe I create more freedom within myself to choose and do what truly resonates with me, as well as more freedom to allow what resonates with me to change and grow along with my self.

I believe in making decisions that do not tie me to any one idea; choices which allow me to turn in any direction I choose. I also struggle to put this idea into play. I am capable, at times, of connecting so deeply with myself, detaching from everything around me, and showing up purely as the spirit inside the body. And, inversely, there are times when I am so blinded and utterly disconnected from myself, that I show up as an entirely different human being. — — I am not free — — I am, however, learning what freedom is, and what I believe is necessary within myself to fully experience it. This IS freedom. Every time I choose what resonates in my gut. Every time I really listen to what it is I actually want. My soul, my body, my energy; they all know very clearly what they want and need. It is a practice to remain open to hearing what they want and need, over hearing what the mind says they want and need. I believe that is the practice of freedom. If I am free within myself, then nobody else outside of me can have control either. No exceptions. No matter the situation. This sounds an awful lot like a Buddhist concept doesn’t it? Even writing that, an image of a Monk meditating through an experience of great suffering popped into my mind’s eye.

Many times, while having conversations about ideas like the above, I find others are quick to express something along the lines of “yeah, but like that’s really HARD to do, so..” and I want to take a moment to address that, in particular. To all of you who may be thinking something like that, I say “Correct, and?” So was riding bike at some point, and for some, still. It was hard work studying for the bar exam, right? It was hard work training to be a gold medalist pole vaulter. It was HARD WORK curing some rare disease, or becoming proficient at 10 instruments, or learning 12 languages and starting a charity. You get the idea. Everything worth accomplishing for the self is hard work. I don’t believe that everyone will choose, or want to choose, or resonate with choosing to grow in the way I express in my ideas. That said, I do believe that an astounding majority of us do not know that growth in these ways is a choice that can be made.

I think it was Adam West who said “the more I know, the more I know I don’t know.” I love this saying. The moment I think I have some kind of wisdom, my reality gets shattered and I realize I really know nothing at all. In acceptance of that, I can find a seat on a higher consciousness to make more coherent decisions. Yeah, yeah, yeah — “higher consciousness” — I get how it sounds, but what I really mean is identifying with myself at my core, the central me. The closer I get to the center of me, the more aware I become of my Self and my surroundings. The opposite is also true. Well, I personally prefer resonating at that higher octave closer to what I heard Shaman Durek describe as “Heaven.” (the inner space inside of the inner space inside of the inner space, etc. at the very core) So I try to practice, when I can hold the awareness of it, choosing experiences in my life that resonate with me the highest. This requires slowing down (the opposite of my natural tendency) and examining my choices before making them (also the opposite). By examining my choices I see more possible pathways. What’s really difficult is seeing the pathways and still playing ignorant and choosing “pleasure over pain” for example. I do this constantly, because even once I know something, it still takes me breaking down the walls I constructed around the tougher decision in the first place. I love it! I accept where I am, and I know that this practice will eventually become as easy and as much muscle memory as riding a bike. And this, I believe is the ultimate freedom; Freedom from fears, as I will know I can always face them, because I know how to face them, if I choose to; Freedom from pain because I choose to observe it, feel it, and let it pass, rather than to hold onto me and keep reliving said pain as I’ve done in the past. And if I can at some point be totally free of those things, I believe I will be totally free to do and experience anything in this life I choose. I already do, within my limitations. I experience life to it’s fullest with what I have at my disposal. And at the same time, I take time away from experience, to experience nothing. Which, in itself, is still an experience.

It will be beautiful if these ideas touched someone in some way. I know that for some, they may not, and that is equally as beautiful. Every color must have an opposite to exist, and each color is as magnificent as the other in its own way, the opinion of any one color does not matter from the eye of the artist.

If I didn’t lose you, and you made it this far, I want to hear from you. I want your opinions as well. What do you believe? What are you practices? We grow through understanding. We grow together.

-a wanderer