Marriage is the closest relationship between adults and humans. When a man and a woman abuse each other, the pain is often deep and permanent. Divorce seems to be the only answer.
But you will surely agree that breaking up a marriage is a serious business. Will divorce really bring more happiness? Or would it be better to work to improve your marriage?
The need for a balanced vision
Divorce can be an easy way to escape the confusion of marital problems. However, a balanced view is necessary, as divorce has in many cases only exacerbated the situation for those involved. Despite all the happy books about creative divorce, perfect divorce and a better life through divorce are people whose marriages fail. Loneliness is especially difficult for divorced people.
"But why would a divorced person be alone?" They asked. "Are the casual relationships for couples living together without serious commitment to each other today?" But many cannot consciously enter into promiscuous relationships. And even if you choose to live like this, can someone who is proud not to interfere meet your need to belong to someone? "Marriage meets a deep need for caring and emotional commitment," states a marriage counselor in New York. "You will not find him in a relaxed relationship." Can divorce increase rather than solve your problems?
But what if a married person has sex with someone other than their partner, maybe even a homosexual? This leads to an interesting discussion about divorce in the Bible.
"On all types of ground?"
During the 1000s AD. there were controversies among Jewish scholars about acceptable reasons for divorce. The code of Jewish law known as the Mishnah preserves the following tradition of the time: “The Shammai school says: A man cannot divorce his wife unless he discovers that it is sexual immorality. . . And Hillel's school says: [He may be different from her] even if she spoils his food. . . Akiba school said: If he finds someone more beautiful than she is.
Faced with this aberration, similar to that of modern times, some Pharisees asked Jesus Christ: "Is it permissible for a man to divorce his wife for any reason?" Jesus answered:
"Have you not read that the one who created them from the beginning made them male and female and said, 'For this reason a man will leave his father and his mother and remain faithful to his wife and body'? ... Therefore, what God held it together, no one would separate it. I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife, except fornication and marries another, commits adultery. "-Mathew19: 4-6, 9.
The Greek word porneia, here translated as "fornication", includes adultery, homosexuality and unnatural sexual acts. Regarding these issues, the scriptures allow a person to get rid of an unfaithful spouse and remarry. However, there is no biblical obligation to file for divorce.
But what about a situation where you expose your spouse to physical violence without committing "fornication"? Here the counsel at 1 Corinthians 7:10, 11 is appropriate: “A wife must not leave her husband; But if you really have to go, leave her single or make peace with her husband; and the husband can not leave his wife.
Although the word of God allows divorce because of "fornication" and allows separation, it does not encourage couples to separate. The warning is rather to work to improve the marriage, to "unite". And the Bible contains simple principles that have helped thousands of couples to improve their marriage. Let's look at some of these principles.
Become "one flesh"
You must remember that Jesus said of husbands and wives, "They are no longer two but one flesh." A couple who work as "one" knows and agrees. In other words, they communicate. How can you do that
Did you know that the scriptures often describe God as "listening" and "listening" to people, even in their illnesses? (Genesis 21:17; Exodus 2: 23-25; Deuteronomy 9:19; Psalm 69:33; Malachi 3:16)Can you listen well Will you restore what your friend tells you and asks you to understand? Real listening is a lot different from just listening to what is being said and maybe sprinkling the "conversation" with the occasional "uh-huh" while focusing on something else.
Therefore, it is necessary to communicate mutual appreciation and love. The Bible speaks positively of the “expression of love” that took place between a little shepherd and his beloved virgin Shlamite. The occasional warm smile, a loving wink, a genuine expression of appreciation such as "You look good today, my love" can go a long way in maintaining a strong marriage and rebuilding an unstable marriage.
The principle of loving leadership
Another thing that pushes many marriages against the divorce court is the misunderstanding about the different roles of husband and wife. However, consider how many fights and battles can be avoided by following the following biblical principle: "Women are subject to their husbands as lords because the man is the head of his wife."
Sounds like a difficult arrangement? Before you answer, consider what the Bible says below: “Husbands, continue to love your wives. . . Men should love their women like their bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself because no one has ever hated his own flesh; but he feeds him and takes care of him. . . . May each love his wife as he loves himself. ""
A loving family manager draws attention to his wife's perspective and realizes that she may be more capable than him in some areas. He "attributes his honor physically as the weakest ship" and expects no more from his wife than she can reasonably give. Wife, if your husband took on the responsibilities of a head of the household with your support, wouldn't that improve your marriage?
However, to improve your marriage, you and your wife must avoid an attitude that has become popular today. How is it?
Who is most important?
You've probably noticed the stress of personal satisfaction today. The publication Physician's World states: “Today there is a much higher level of expectation between the two. They learn from the media that they can hope to support young people, enjoy higher status and maintain their sexual appetites. It's a crisis that usually ends in divorce. ""
In 1 Corinthians 10:24, the Bible insists in the opposite direction: "Do not seek everyone for yourself, but for others." For example, when it comes to sex, the scriptures say:
“The husband gives his wife to his wife; but the wife also loves her husband. The wife has no authority over her body, but the husband does; Likewise, the husband does not exercise authority over his own body, but over his wife. Do not deprive yourself except by mutual consent. ""
If you found your partner's satisfaction more important than your own and vice versa, wouldn't that make your marriage better?
When nothing seems to be working
It must be recognized that many people struggled for a successful marriage for several years but did not receive the cooperation of their friends. Is this your situation
In this case, do not be discouraged. Take seriously the warning from Galatians 6: 9: “Let us not fail to do good, for in due time we will reap unless we are weary. Often, a persistent husband or wife will change their mind due to the good behavior of the spouses.
But even if this doesn't happen for you, you don't need to feel like your efforts were wasted. The apostle Peter wrote: "When a person, because of his conscience, asks God serious questions and suffers injustice, it is nice." Adhering to Bible principles under pressure brings God's benefit, which is the most important thing Christians can “reap”.
Would you like to work on improving your marriage? Jehovah's Witnesses are happy to conduct a free Bible study with you. They will be happy to show you the God-inspired principles that can make your marriage a success.
