22 yet still learning

We never get ready to half of the way we went through. When I think about the old years when I am so excited to be an adult I should have cherish those moments. Time flies so fast that we did not noticed the gray hair and wrinkles of our mother because we are so busy figuring this out. I remember being 16 years old selling snacks inside the classroom, being one of the top student, and living care free life. The memory of singing our favorite songs in the classroom, and giving surprises to the teachers. Life was beautiful then.

Now, here I am about to be 22 next two days getting anxious what could be the next 365 days offer to me. I wonder how will I make decisions now, did I get wiser over the years? will I be able to make a good choice? what will be the next choices ? This is the stage of crisis in most people lives specially now everything becomes competition.

I have failed one of my board subjects and I have no idea what to do next. I considering other ways of surviving now, part of it is giving up on my dream. But I am so afraid, if I give up would the 32 years old me blame me for not trying again? Will she be happy? There is too much pressure over my head right now and I can see things I am protecting falling apart right after my face.

Should I still chase the goal I have building for years? Or is this the way of the universe telling me that I am in a wrong path? This is why I don't want to believe in destiny because we put too much effort on certain things, then the universe will decide that it is not for us. It tore me deep in my soul.

What should I do? Where should I go? I'm just 22 but why is life so hard.