I'm Afraid

I'm not afraid to love but I'm afraid of you. Not 'cause I don't like you, but' I don't think I would like you. No doubt I will look forward to tonight and your wonderful stories. It is impossible to find your voice, your eyes. I might get used to it.

I'm not afraid to fall in love but I'm afraid to fall. Because how can you love a stranger? If on the first night of your meeting you fall. It fell into the long story, in her unassuming voice, in flirting smiles, in addictive ways, to her unknown but I feel like we met for a long time.

I was afraid of the dark, but I was more afraid of the light. I'm afraid to see myself with you. Maybe when I got used to the light it suddenly died until my surroundings gradually darkened and I might get used to it again. I am used to walking as if I were glued. Walk to the imaginary area with just a turn. All of a sudden, I was embraced in the dark by whispering "Stop being a fool!" My friends might suddenly come out in the dark and get used to the light. They might try to catch me during the sunset and chase me somewhere. Perhaps as I run away I may be blinded by the light you cause and I may fall asleep and revive my butterfly pet.

I am not afraid of the dead, but of the fear of life. I was afraid the mice would live on my chest long shivering in the cold. I was afraid of melting ice that had long been coiling in my heart. I was afraid of melting them and drowning myself in pretending to be real. I am afraid of the magic of love that brings life to the dead candles I carry. I am afraid to be bright all around and to see the truth of the world. I am afraid to see that our world is one but I am more afraid to know that you want to be different.

I'm not afraid to be alone, but I'm afraid to be with you. I'm afraid of being with your ex-friends, maybe that's what they say .. Or if you're with them and when they get older I'll feel better again.

I'm not afraid of the old, but I'm afraid of the old. Hopefully if something comes up, nothing will change. I hope that even when I look vintage, you don't hide me like the ones in your closet. I'm not a plate, spoon or fork that you would only use on select occasions since you have no other option. On select days where you would just use it to anyone because that's just my job. I'm afraid .. I'm afraid of being replaced by something new. Just because there's someone coming along when you stop by. At the same time before you come, don't feel sorry for me.

I wasn't scared at first but I was scared at first. Everything I've started seems to always have a tendency to always want to unwind until the end. Not all endings have a beginning.

I was not afraid to answer but I was afraid of the question. Did you love it? Does he love you? I was afraid to answer my "Yes" questions and then you would say "But", of "Yes" with the tone. So afraid of the question but more afraid of the answer. I love you, do you love me too?

Whether I'm afraid of finishing this poem I want to start ending the stories of your past and create a new story that has no beginning and end. I will start with this after you have plummeted into my skin as you walk away from my life. As my voice echoes with each phrase of this poem for you. I will do this when I can no longer see your shadow. 'I can't fly my butterfly puppies anymore. 'The mice couldn't breathe in my chest anymore. As I watched you leave. As you talk to him and he kisses you on the forehead. As you hold him in your arms and you walk away.

No matter how much I fear things like yours, light, life, beginning, new and being with you all it doesn't matter. I will love you no matter what they say. Even if I am not your loved one, your light, even your life is different. Even from the beginning of this poem I was afraid. I will love you in the mind, in the dream, in the spirit, in the eyes, in the eyes, in the eyes. Get some sleep until the candle is gone once you light it. Even all of this is useless.

A story in my life that once I met someone .. she died .. I killed her in my heart and mind. I will make you a tomb that will serve as a reminder that I once marveled at you. I will make you a grave and there I will bring down all the pain, bitterness, envy, nausea, boredom, fatigue, secretly once gifted me. All this I will bring down to the pit I made for you. I will love you as you bury your memory. I will bury you as I love your memory.