Depression. A serious medical condition on which a person feels very sad, hopeless, unimportant, and often is unable to live in a normal way (Merriam-Webster Dictionary).
One of my favorite subject way back when I was a Grade 11 student is the Personal Development. My mentor who is also a psychologist graudate says that: it is our duty to comfort those who are badly in need. We should not just laugh of when someone says they want to die.
I put those words in my mind. Months later, I created a Facebook account using an anonymous name. I want to know other people and I want to talk to them without them knowing who the real me. I started to add people in my friend requests until I had enough.
As I was scrolling down the news feeds, one post of a person got my attention. It is a picture of a young man holding a rope with a caption: I'm tired. I read all of the comments and they were all cheering up that person and they keep on saying that she should not do anything that is stupid and reckless. Before I notice what I'm doing, my comment was already posted.
John 3:16. For God so love the world that He gave his only Son that whosoever believeth in Him shall not perish but have everlasting life.
I mentally laugh and shook my head aa I read my comment. What does that verse means? Later then, that person sent me a private message. "Thank you for sending me that Bible verse. Thank you for reminding me that someone is really caring for me. I almost forgot about Him."
I'm speechless as I read over and over again that chat. One thing came in my mind while reading it. She needs someone to talk too. Slowly, I began to compose a message for her. "Always remember that God is always in our side when it seems the world turn its back to us. If you want someone to talk too...you can freely message me and I'm all ears and eyes listening to you."
With that conversation, our friendship started. She doesn't know who the real me and I had found out that she is also using a name that was not hers. I said that we should continue as that because I want her to be comfortable. I want her to be comfortable that even though she share her secrets to me...her identity is still hidden.
For months, we continue with that routine. During the times that she feel so down-hearted she will message me or call me. Everyday, I will send a Bible verse to her to remind how blessed she is. However, the time came when she no longer update me about her life. I thought that she was already okay so...even though it hurts that she didn't even said a good bye, I accepted that fact and I pray for her happiness.
6 months passed and still, I received none from her. I decided to delete my fake facebook account but, another post got my attention. It's from the person whom I chatted with months ago. I feel excited as I read her name on my timeline but, slowly tears began to roll down on my cheecks as I read the post.
"Hello to every friend of this account. I'm the cousin of the owner of this Facebook account. I want to inform you that my cousin is already dead. We found her in her room hanging on her ceiling with a suicide letter. I'm sorry for sharing to you the bad news."
Ten times. I read the post ten times believing that it will change but, no. It's the same and the same message. The person whom I interacted few months ago is already dead. I remember our conversation. The Bible verses that I always send to her. The advises I always share to her...I feel like, I failed.
I failed to save her. I failed to rescue someone from falling into the abyss of darkness. With trembling hands, I compose a message and sent it to the same account. I waited for a minute before I received a response. "Are you the friend of my cousin? The one she keep on telling me who loves to sent her a Bible verse?" I replied yes and asked why did she do it. Why does her cousin commited suicide.
"She's tired. She always say that she's tired. Her parents divorced. Her father raped her. Her mother abandoned her. He failed in class this semester. She was sick. She is suffering from lung cancer."
I don't know what to say. I thought that she had already shared to me all of his problems but I guess, she is not ready to tell me those things. I thought the only reason why she was always down is because, her boyfriend break-up with her. "She wrote a message for you that we found on her suicide note. At first, we didn't know who that person is. Thankfully, you have read my post and chatted me immediately."
I'm excited to know what message did she left for me at the same time, nervous. The thought that I failed to save her always pops up in my mind everytime I think about her.
"Hello Rain. I know Rain is not your real name. I don't know your reason why you don't want to tell me your real name and you don't want to know mine but, thank you. During the time that I'm so down,lonely and darkness consumes me...I met you. Your advices, the Bible verses, your time...I appreciate all of that. I'm sorry if I'm going to end my life right now. I just want to let you know that, don't blame yourself. You successfully saved me. You gave me new hope and light in the darkness. Forever, I will be thankful to you. I don't want to drag you anymore in my miseries that's why, I cut my connection with you. You already done enough for me. I can't handle the pain anymore, Rain. I failed...big time. I'm so tired. I know suicide is a sin but, I'm so tired. I'm so fucked up."
Those words. I can't continue to read more of her sentiments. It's kinda painful. I thanked her cousin and I deicided to...delete my fake Facebook account. Years passed but, I still can't forget about that painful incident. I want to help people who are suffering from the same misery that my friend had suffered. I took up a Psychiatrist degree with a mission to help everyone who are in need.
Depression has no face thus, it's hard to determine who is really suffering from that serious mental condition. Nevetheless, I am more than willing enough to look for them to help them, enlighten them, and save them.
