Setting boundaries in a platonic relationship

Setting boundaries in a friendship means putting in place unofficial rules to guide your friendship or setting limits to an extent in which a friendship can get.

I wrote yesterday about why some ladies still remain single and I talked about them not being able to maintain friendships, so I just felt like I need to talk about setting boundaries too. In the process of you being friendly and also trying to maintain a friendship by communicating always, we should also learn to know the extent we go with them, the things we do together, where we go together, things we discuss together and so on....

I once heard of a story of a girl who her husband to be dumped few days to their wedding and according to him, his excuse for doing so was because she does not know how to set boundaries and that she was always too friendly with her male friends that she does not even know the length to go with them even in his presence. He said he truly knows that there's nothing going on between her those other guys but it's just that she does not even know how to set boundaries whatsoever between them and that he had tried taking to her about it but she's just not seeing anything bad in it and she's not willing to change. He had to break up with her when he could no longer bear her.

While setting boundaries can look absurd or not possible to some people because of the threat is poses on their friendship, you have to know that it is very possible and it doesn't make you a bad friend. If your friend is a positive thinker just like you, they will understand the need for setting boundaries between you both. Also, it is ok to know your limit and make your friend know too and still be a good friend.

Knowing and respecting boundaries should not be a one sided thing in a friendship, the both parties should know each other's boundaries and respects it. The importance of setting boundaries in a platonic relationship varies from one person to another but I will be touching on some of main importance of setting boundaries in a platonic relationship below;

• Setting boundaries allows both friends to respect each other the more.

You tend to respect each other's decisions, time, space, likes and dislikes etcetera. For instance, when you ask a friend to meet up for a dinner and he didn't show up without a prompt excuse, it only shows that he has no regard whatsoever for you, he does not respect your time and decision. Even if something came up per time, he could still have find a way to let you know because you are also going to be wasting your time whole sitting there waiting for him. That's what not setting boundaries from the very start causes but if there were boundaries in place then the other friend will already have respect for the friend's time and he wouldn't want to alter that at all.

I once had a friend, we met in high school and she was quite awesome, she's this fun to be with type of girl, I do love her so much but one thing she's bad at is that she does not know her boundaries. Sometimes, she just barges into my room, pick up something (clothes, shoes or accessories) and takes it to her to wear it without even returning it. At first, I didn't see anything wrong with what she was doing but later I discovered that she can't recognize boundaries so I had to put her in her place. There was this particular day that I wasn't around but my sister was around, she came into my room and picked a new shoes I just bought for my grandma's burial, she took it to her house to wear to a party, well I guess she didn't know I bought it for my grandma's burial because the burial was just in 3 days time.

When I got home that day, I didn't even check my shoe rack not until the day of the burial, as I got dressed finished to wear my shoe but I couldn't find it, I searched and searched but still couldn't find it. It was then my sister remembered and told me that Joyce came visiting and maybe she was the one that picked it, I had to call her to confirm of truly she was the one and she said yes and she would return it fast. By the time she brought the shoe back, it was already rough so I couldn't wear it, I just gave it to her back and I wore the one I had home before. It was that day that I realized that I have to set boundaries for her which I did the next day.

One way for you to let your friends know that you want to set boundaries is by talking to them about it. Tell them with a very plain language the need for you to set boundaries between the both of you and tell them the areas in which you will be setting the boundaries. If you don't want to talk about it because you felt they might feel bad about it, then your reaction towards the issues should do the talking for you but trust me, while some friends might understand words without them being told, some might not understand and you might need to come out clean and straight with them.

To be continued...

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