Broken Hearted Girl.

I have never really understood Love, in fact the more I try to understand it the further detached I am from it. You know the famous lyrics of the love song by Rihanna "I have loved and I have lost", well it seems that i always lose when it comes to love.

Maybe grab a cup of your favourite beverage as I narrate to you my recent heartbreak. I only started dating about a year ago, due to the pandemic. You know how the pandemic brought about fears that the world was coming to an end, I thought to myself will I surely die without ever experiencing love? I know that was a dumb excuse to throw myself into the dating world, but hey this is my story not yours. That is how my dating life began, brought about by the fear of missing out and the covid pandemic.

Lukas, was his name the first guy that I actually decided that I like and wanted to explore love with. He was different, compared to the other men I liked. First he was 2 years younger than me, and where am from that is considered taboo. Second was how he made me feel safe, whenever I would stare into his eyes, I would feel a sense of comfort as if that is where I was meant to be.

Well as all love stories begin the first few months of were incredible, from holiday vacations to the beach, casual walks under the stars, random dates in the middle of the day to just watching a movie as we lay down on the coach cuddling. It was perfect and I remember thinking to myself why have I never been in a relationship before, if it felt this good. Little did I know that there was a dark side of love lurking in the shadows.

You remember how I said I do not understand love, well I also do not understand how love can feel so good and yet hurt so bad. Well scientists say that heartbreak can hurt jus like a physical injury. You know how you fall and maybe hurt your knee or bump your little toe on a table, that's how heartbreak is but the worst thing is that in heartbreak the feeling lingers longer and you have to learn how to cope with it. Your mind was so used to the dopamine levels that the moment it is deprived of it, it goes into shock.

Anyway, let me go back to my story. I later came to learn that Lukas was not honest and genuine as I thought. I really do not want to get into how and what I found out, but once I get the courage I will narrate the whole story. I was devastated, however I decided to use that experience to learn.

I needed to learn that you can love or like someone and not be compatible with them. Instead of pursuing such a relationship you need to let that person go as it will only cause you pain if you do not. I also needed to learn that I shouldn't ignore my gut feeling. You know that little voice at the back of your head that tells you something seems off about a certain situation, well learn to listen to that voice cause that is your intuition warning you.

Well am not usually lucky when it comes to love but I won't give up on it. I know that there are genuine hearts out there, and kind people who are waiting to be loved. Also the world needs kinder people, okay this will be a story for another day. But lemme leave you with a quote from a song I know " When we're becoming something else, I think it's time to walk away". Do not lose yourself, your essence and your values cause of love. Remember just be YOU.