“I don't remember Mom and Dad arguing or arguing. I just know my dad was there, so boom! One day it was not there. I still don't know where my father is. I know I don't feel anything for him. "Bruce.
“I was the only child at school who had no parents and did not live in the same house. . . I always felt like I was outside. I have always felt very different from everyone else my age. - Patricia.
The orphan family crisis has its roots in the industrial revolution. As factory jobs began to drive men out of their homes, the father's influence on the family began to wane; Mothers receive a higher percentage of education than children. Even so, most parents stayed with the family. However, in the mid-1960s, the divorce rate in the United States began a dramatic upward spiral. The religious, economic and social barriers to divorce were gradually falling. Encouraged by self-proclaimed expert advice that divorce was not only hurting their children, but could also be good for them, couples filed for divorce in record numbers. In the book Divided Families: What happens to children when their parents separate? Frank F. Furstenberg Jr. and Andrew J. Cherlin said: "In Belgium, France and Switzerland, [divorce] rates have doubled [since 1960]. In Canada, England and the Netherlands, they have tripled."
Although children tend to stay with mothers after divorce, most departing parents want to maintain a relationship with their children. Joint custody is a popular solution. Most divorced parents, however, have surprisingly little contact with their children. A survey found that only 1 in 6 children see their father's divorce each week. Almost half of the children had not seen their parents in a year!
The failure of joint custody
Exceptional collaboration and trust is required for divorced couples to share custody, characteristics that are often rare. Researchers Furstenberg and Cherlin put it this way: “One of the main reasons why parents stop seeing their children is because they don't want to have anything to do with their ex-wives. And many women have the same attitude towards ex-husbands. ""
It is true that many divorced parents see their children regularly. But because they are no longer involved in their children's daily lives, it is difficult for some to act as parents when they are with them. Many choose to play the part of playmates and spend most of their time together in their free time or shopping. Ari, 14, describes her weekend visits with her father as follows: "There is no set time, there is no way to return home at 5:30 am." "It's open. It's free. always buys gifts. “- How do you feel when your parents divorce Jill Krementz.
A loving father must "know how to give good gifts to his children" (Matthew 7:11). But giving cannot replace the necessary guidance and discipline. (Proverbs 3:12; 13: 1) If the parent's role changes to that of a playmate or visitor, the parent-child relationship is bound to deteriorate. One study concluded: "Divorce can permanently disrupt the relationship between parent and child." Marriage and Family Magazine, May 1994.
Some men are hurt and angry at being excluded from their children's lives, or perhaps just coldly indifferent. They leave their families and do not offer them the financial support they need. * (1 Timothy 5: 8) “I don't think about anything I love about my father,” said a bitter teenager. "He's really backstage, he's not supporting us or anything, and I think he sucks."
single mother
A record number of illegitimate births has resulted in the largest increase in the number of orphans. "About a third of all births [in the United States] are now out of wedlock," says the book Fatherless America. Of the approximately 500,000 children born between the ages of 15 and 19 each year, 78% are young singles. However, teenage pregnancy is a global problem. And programs that teach birth control or preach abstinence have done little to change teenagers' sexual behavior.
Bryan E. Robinson's book, Teenage Fathers, explains: “Getting pregnant outside of marriage is no longer associated with the shame and humiliation caused by liberalized social attitudes towards sex and premarital pregnancy in the 1960s.. . . In addition, today's young people are constantly bombarded with sexuality through advertising, music, films and television. American media tell teenagers that sex is romantic, exciting and exciting, without ever pointing out the real consequences of spontaneous and irresponsible sexual behavior. ""
Fortunately, many young people seem to be unaware of the consequences of illegal sex. Consider some of the comments that author Robinson heard: "" She didn't seem like the type [to get pregnant] ";" We only had sex once a week "or" I didn't think you could get pregnant the first time "." Of course, some young people know that sex can lead to pregnancy. Young Unwed Fathers states: “For many boys [in the center], sex is an important status symbol. Local; Sexual conquest becomes many points on the belt. Many girls offer sex as a gift in their negotiations to get a guy's attention. “In some urban districts, children who have had no children can even be made fun of as 'virgins'.
The picture becomes even more bleak when you look at the results of a 1993 study of school-aged mothers in California. It turns out that two thirds of the girls got pregnant - not teenagers, but men over 20! In fact, some studies show that many single teenage mothers are victims of rape and even child abuse. This widespread exploration shows how today's society has become sick and depraved. - 2 Timothy 3:13.
Because young people go
Teenage parents rarely take long-term responsibility for their children. A man whose girlfriend got pregnant said, "I just said, 'See you later.' However, a Family Life Educator article states, "Most young parents express a strong desire to have close relationships with their children." According to a study of young single parents, 70% visit their children once a week. "" The article warns however, "as children grow, the number of visits decreases.
A 17-year-old father summed up the reason saying, "If I had known how difficult it would be, I never would have let it happen." Few young people have the emotional maturity or experience to deal with their parents' demands. Many also lack education or professional skills to earn a living. Instead of facing the humiliation of failure, many young people simply leave their children behind. "My life is a catastrophe," admits a young father. Another complains: “I can barely take care of myself; I don't know what I would do if I had to take care of [my son] too. ""
Green grapes
In biblical times, the Jews had a saying: "Parents ate green grapes, but children tasted bitter." (Ezekiel 18: 2, today's English version) God told the Jews that this should not be the case, that the mistakes of the past should not be repeated in the future. (Ezekiel 18: 3) Yet, millions of children today seem to appreciate the bitterness of their parents' "green grapes" and pay the penalty for their immaturity, irresponsibility and failure. . The research is simply impressive and shows that children who grow up without a parent are exposed to a variety of physical and emotional risks. (See the box on page 7.) Particularly moving is the fact that an orphaned father's legacy is often passed down from generation to generation, a continuous cycle of pain and misery.
Are fatherless families doomed? There is no possibility. In fact, the good news is that the cycle of fatherless families can be broken. Our next article explains how.