The day before yesterday me and my girlfriend went for a walk. We were talking about exes, how the break-up feeling was, if we were really in love, all that stuff.
My girlfriend is the kind of girl who doesn’t believe in saying love you quickly. Why? Because she still doesn’t know if the feeling that she is feeling is love. She is too logical. She will not say anything without doing a complete research. She will innocently ask, “Am I just comfortable with you or is this love? I don’t know what exactly is LOVE?”.
“Sahil, do you know what is love?”
“Yes, I think I know.”
“What is it?”
“I think when you love someone you want to be with that person in all stages of life. You want to protect that person, you never want to hurt them. You never want to let them go. Okay, if that person wants to go, you let them go but you will do every possible thing to keep them with you.”
“Yes, sometimes I get that feeling, SOMETIMES.”
Well, from the answer you can guess that this conversation was going to have a bad ending.
By the time we came back to her place that ending came. There was a moment when she said something which made me feel that the relationship is going to the drain and we are sure to break up.
I was at my girlfriend’s place at that time. I went to the other room and started watching TV.
“What are you watching?”
“Hangover”
.
.
.
.
.
“You are not watching the movie. What are you thinking?”
“Nothing… Just let me watch.”
Fortunately, even with a potential fight coming up we can laugh on movie scenes together.
After the movie, I started packing my bag pack.
“Where are you going.”
“My home.”
“Why? Don’t go now. Please.”
“I just want to be alone.”
“Okay. We can sleep in different rooms here. I will give you space and I won’t disturb you. But please don’t go now. It is 1 in the night.”
I agreed to stay with the condition that we will be sleeping in different rooms. She went to her room, brought me our blanket and pillow and went to her bed. I closed the door and was playing games on my phone to distract myself.
After a while, she knocked on the door.
“Playing PubG?”
With a slight smile — “Yes”
She sat besides me, watched my game.
She pulled my nose. “Come to the bed when you feel like it, okay? I will leave the door open.”
I finished the game. Went to bed but couldn’t sleep. For the first time in a year, we were in the same house but in different beds and in different rooms.
I was having two minds. I wanted to be in her arms badly but I also couldn’t leave my stand.
“She doesn’t love me the way I love her. Why don’t I leave her?”.
I was in a whirlpool of thoughts for almost an hour.
“But Sahil, you know that she loves you. You know she is waiting for you in the other room. You saw her face when she was asking you to stay. She checked up on you. She brought you the blanket from the other room because She knows your Body hurt if you feel cold. She cares for you. Go to her.”
Before I could change my mind, I rushed to her room. She was on one side of the bed with her arm outstretched for me because that is how we sleep every day. She was almost sure that I would come. I got into the bed and immediately she hugged me. We held each other close. For a few moments, we didn’t say anything. She kissed my forehead and held me tight and I felt like I cannot miss this for any fucking fight in the world.
I whispered, “I couldn’t sleep there.”
“I couldn’t sleep here”, she whispered back.
I just smiled in the dark and wanted to say, “Maybe this is love.”
Not wanting to appear cheesy I said instead, “Sigh! Bio-chemical reaction huh?”.
“Hmmm…”.
Moral: Love for me is this. Wanting to be with each other in spite of all fights and misunderstandings