The bride and groom stood before the altar on their wedding day. After the ex- change of vows, they knelt to pray. Suddenly, to the dismay of the couple, and the distress of the minister, the solemn hush was broken by the snickering and giggling of a wide-eyed congregation. What was the reason for such hilarity? Some mischievous person had taken the groom's new shoes and had written on the bottom of each shoe the word "H-E-L-P!" So when the groom knelt, the audience read the message, "Help! Help!" Whether we want to admit it or not, every love affair needs help! Every wedding needs help! The institution of marriage is disintegrating at a most alarming rate. In 1900, in the United States of America, there was one divorce for every 12.7 marriages. By 1940, one out of every six weddings was dissolved. In 1980, however, one out of every two marriages ended in divorce!3 And the statistics of some other countries are not far behind!
Help Is Available
But while the bad news is that matrimony needs help, the good news is that help is available. Help is available from the greatest marriage, Counselor of all time. His name is Jesus. Should not the Maker of marriage be the best Counselor on marriage? Help is also available in the best marriage manual of all time-the Bible. It is interesting to observe that every significant principle for a successful modern marriage is found in that ancient Book. One day, an expert in the law came to test Jesus, asking what he should do to inherit eternal life. Christ asked him to answer his own question, and when he replied, the Savior responded, "You have answered correctly. Do this and you will live" (Luke 10:28). In his reply, the lawyer quoted two passages from the Old Testament Scripture: Deuteronomy 6:5 and Leviticus 19:18. So, he was repeating the Word of God. That response recorded in Luke 10:27 contains the key to life in its entirety: personal, matrimonial, communal, and eternal.
Three Secrets of Successful Marriage
Subtle Secret
The secret we shall consider first is the one that the lawyer stated last. It is a subtle secret which says, "Love..yourself" (Luke 10:27). Some people condemn self-love, but Christ commended it! Of course, self-love can be sinful. It is wrong when it results in the replacement of God, causing us to love self more than we love God. It is also wrong when it causes the displacement of fellow human beings, when love for self destroys care or concern for others. Such self-centeredness leads to pride and is displeasing to God. The Lord detests all the proud of heart" (Proverbs 16: But in order to shun this sinful self love, some people become victims of self-hate. They see themselves as worthless "worms." That is another device of the devil, for if we think we are worms, we will behave like worms! The humorous story is told of a man who was walking down the corridor of a giant department store. Suddenly, he spotted someone advancing toward him, and he disliked him the moment he saw him! The oncoming fellow looked vicious, and the nearer he got, the more menacing he appeared to be. Fearing that his opponent would hit him first, the man fired the first blow. To his hurt and dismay, his hand was bathed in blood, for he had crashed the giant mirror on the wall! The fellow he hated was himself! When we see ourselves in the mirror, do we like what we see? Some people are dissatisfied with the texture of their hair, or the color of their skin; their height, width or weight; their muscle power or brainpower; their political or finanaal strength. Too many people hate them selves. They forget that Jesus sald, "Love..yourself."
REASONS. But what does that have to do with a happy marriage? How does self-worth affect my love affair? It does so in at least three ways.
First, if I do not love myself, I make myself unlovable. In other words, I make it difficult for somebody to love me. After all, whoever wants to marry Mr. or Miss Misery?
Second, it is difficult for me to give love to somebody else, for I cannot share what I do not have. Remember what Peter said to the lame man begging for money? He said, "Silver or gold I do not have," so l cannot give; "but what have I give you" (Acts 3:6). Before I can give love to someone else, I must have some love for myself.
Third, if I do not love myself, it is difficult for me to accept the idea that somebody really loves me. I am prone to exclaim in wonder, "Who, me? It can't be!" If somebody dares to love me, I find it hard to believe and ditficult to accept. Why should we love ourselves? First, because God loves us. Every person is precious to Him. Regardless of our limitations physically, mentally, morally, or or emotionally, God loves us just as we are. In spite of our inadequacies-social, professional, financial or spiritual-Christ cares for us.
How can we be certain of that? Because the most beloved text of Scripture tells us so. "God so loved the World" (John 3:16). But His love is not Just for "the world," because the verse goes on to say "that whoever." The Word, "whoever' means any person. It means you and me. He says, "You are precious and honored in my I love you" (Isaiah 43:4). Now if God loves us, we ought to love ourselves.
Not only are we the objects of God's love, each of us is special and unique to him. Have you ever stopped to think that of the over five billion people on earth, no one looks exactly like you? No one has your teatures, your fingerprint, or your voice. You are unique! With David we can declare, "I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made...How precious to me are your thoughts, O God!" (Psalm 139:14,17). Now if we are special to God, we have a right to value ourselves.
This vital key to a happy marriage is: Love yourself. Accept yourself. Believe in yourself. Foster positive self-worth. The subtle secret is that a successful marriage does not start with finding the right person. It begins with being the right person!
Now, when one has a healthy love for one's self, then one can proceed to the love of one's partner. "Love your neighbor as yourself" (Luke 10:27). The lawyer proceeded to ask another question, "Who is my neighbor?" (verse 29). Then Jesus answered him with the immortal story of the Good Samaritan, which revealed that one's neighbor is anyone, regardless of race, residence, or religion who is in need of love and care.
This means that there are different types of neighbors. There is the faraway neighbor who may be living in some distant land without food or house. Since he or she needs our love and care, he or she is our neighbor. Then there is the nextdoor neighbor living in the house nearby. If he or she needs our loving care, he or she is our neighbor.
Since the person who lives far away without a house needing our love and care is our neighbor, and since the person who lives nearby, in the next house needing our loving cane is our neighbor what about the person Who lives in the same house and is in need of tender, loving care? Is he or she not the nearest neighbor? Is he or she not the dearest dearest neighbor? Our spouses are our nearest, dearest neighbor, and we should our love them as we love ourselves.
Why should I love my partner as much as I love myself? Because my spouse is my other self! At the marriage altar, I take unto myself a second self! This other self is to be loved and cherished as my first self. The apostle Paul spoke about this "profound mystery when he declared that "husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. After all, no one ever hated his own body" (Ephesians 5: 28, 29).
So, whenI look at my wife, I am staring at my other self! And I should treat her as such. To love my partner as myself means that I am willing to satisfy my spouse's desires as much as I am willing to gratify my own.
Second Secret
But sometimes a crisis arises. The big question is: When the needs of one self are at war with the needs of the other self, which self comes first? When there is conflict between the desires of one's self and the desires of one's spouse, whose desires take precedence? Jesus addressed that very issue when He declared, "A new "A Commandment I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another" (John 13:34). This means that I should love my Spouse in the same wav that Christ loved me. That brings us to a further inguiry How did Jesus love me? To answer that question we must go back to the Garden of Gethsemane and listen to His prayer. "O My Father, if it is possible, let this cup, pass fom Me; nevertheless, not as I will "but as You will" (Matthew 26:39, will, NAIV).
As Christ contemplated the nature jump for joy? Of course not! arguish of the cross, did His human His prayer reveals that His being recoiled with indescribable dread. His human heart cried for a way out of the inexpressible agony. But when He saw you and me and all the rest of the human family, and thought of our need for salvation, His human desire took second place! Our need took first place! He loved us not merely as He loved Himself; He loved us more, much more than He loved Himself. He did not enjoy the cruel death on the cross of Calvary, but He endured that suffering because of His love for you and for me.
This "new commandment" was not new in its content, "love one another." It was new in its quality, "as I have loved you." This self- sacrificing love, this love that puts the desire of the other above and before the needs of one's self is the quality of love that constitutes the Second secret of a successful marriage. The apostle Paul spoke to this love wheen he counseled, "Do Same principle of self-abnegating othing out of selfish ambition or van conceit, but in humility consider hers better than yourselves. Each you should look not only to your answer that question, we must go own interests, but also to the interests of others." Then pointing to the Model, he declared, "Your attitude should be the same as that of Christ Jesus" (Philippians 2:3-5). Elsewhere he said, "Be devoted to one another in brotherly love. Honor one another above yourselves" (Romans 12:10). Let us illustrate this vital concept. A certain family became renowned for their cucumber business. The husband faithfully planted and tended the crop, experi menting with various species until he became famous, winning one award after another for his prized cucumbers. The wife carefully pickled the product and soon became a specialist in the art, winning many prizes for her excellent pickles. Cucumbers became the lifeblood of the home and the binding chord of the family. Then tragedy struck and the hus- band died. One of the children, aware of his Mom's affinity to pickled cucumbers, offered to take over the responsibility for the crop. But to his surprise, Mother said, "No." Then she confided, "Through the years I have had no special love for pickling cucumbers. But I observed that planting and reaping cucumbers gave Dad a special sense of pride. SoI pickled them because I love him and wanted to please him." In utter amazement another child exclaimed, "On his deathbed, Dad revealed that over the years he had no consuming passion for cucumbers! But when he saw the thrill that pickling his produce brought to you, he became excited about agriculture because his life's goal was to stay in love with you, Mom, and make you happy! Those were cucumbers ot love. While the first key to a successful marriage is to love oneself, the second secret is to love your partner better than yourself. This means that we are willing to satisfy our spouse's desires more than gratifying our own. If each partner will practice this principle, most marital problems will disappear.
Primary Secret
We come now to the last secret. This is the most important ingredient of a successful marriage. "Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength and with all your mind" (Luke 10:27).
What does loving God have to do with a loving, happy marriage? The answer is short, simple, but profound. "God is love" (1 John 4:8). Since God is the Source of all true love, a couple can experience marital love at its optimum only when the partners come in contact with that Source. Since God is the Marriage Designer, He is the best Marriage Mechanic. Since He is the Marriage Builder, He is its best Maintainer. Since He made it, He can fix it. The psalmist puts it this way. "Unless the Lord builds the house, its builders labor in vain" (Psalm 127:1).
The fact is that every house is controlled by a spirit: the evil spirit of Satan or the Holy Spirit of God. Every home is inhabited by angels: angry angels of the devil or happy angels of God. Every marriage comes under the influence of the supernatural: the warring, destructive power of Satan or the peaceful, healing power of God. And every couple has the power of choice.
"Love the Lord your God" The lawyer listed that first, and he was right! It does come first! It is the fundamental secret of success. It is when we digest the sublime thought that God really loves us just as we are, and in return we fall in love with Him, that we become capable of loving ourselves unreservedly. And it is after we learn to love God supremely that we are empowered to love our spouses sacrificially like He loves us. It is only when we submit our lives to His self-abnegating love for us that we begin to comprehend and are constrained to render this same self-sacrificing love to our spouses. It is the "love of Christ" that "compels us" (2 Corinthians 5:14, NKJV). "Love the Lord your God" is the most vital secret.
A happy marriage may be likened toa triangle with Christ at the apex and husband and wife at the corners of the base. When the partners are far from Christ, they remain distant from each other. As each spouse moves toward Jesus, they get closer to one another. And when each connects with Christ, they become Connected to each other. Love for Goa is the primary secret of a succes marriage.
The Invitation
Nineteen centuries ago there was another wedding. The bride and groom were enjoying themselve when something terrible happened: the wine ran out! Marriage festivities usually lasted several days, and to be without drink would have been an awesome embarrassment. It was as if the bridegroom held up his shoes with the words written in bold letters, "Help! Help!"
The good news is that Christ was present to help. But how did Jesus get there? He went by special invitation! The record says that "Jesus and His disciples had also been invited to the wedding"(John 2:2). Had they not given Him that invitation, the couple would have ever looked back upon their wedding with thoughts of embarrassment and sadness. But they had invited Him and they experienced an unforgettable miracle! The water was turned to wine, and forever they remembered their marriage as an occasion of miraculous joy and gladness.
In this 20th century amidst the staggering statistics on broken homes, and the unspeakable pain of broken hearts, Jesus awaits our invitation. He wants to enter our homes and pertorm modern miracles. He wants to change our water into wine, our pain into pleasure, our crying into Singing, our sadness into gladness.
How do we give Him the invitation?
First by prayer. Every morning and evening, husband and wife can kneel together and pray, talking to God as friend with Friend.
Second, we invite Jesus into the amily by Bible study. Day by day as we open His Book and read His word, we listen to the very voice of Jesus. If children are present, we can read them Bible stories.
Third, we can welcome Jesus into our family by singing songs of thanksgiving and praise. Just as that ancient couple invited Christ into their home, so every modern couple can invite Jesus into their family. He will turn our water into wine, the ordinary will become extraordinary, and our home on earth will become a little bit of heaven.
I Love you
These are the three big secrets of a happy marriage: love yourself;love your partner better than yourself; love Jesus best of all. And the formula always works best when we start with Jesus. Someone observed that this is the acrostic recipe for joy
J -for Jesus Love Jesus best of all.
O-for Others Love your partner better than yourself.
Y - for You Love yourself. Let us take a final gaze at those glorious words: "Love the Lord your God with all your heart" (Luke 10:27). When we look into the tender eyes of an earthly lover, isn't that what we say, "I love you with all my heart"? As we gaze into the precious eyes of our heavenly Lover, would that we be inspired to say, "Lord, I love You with all my heart!"
Let's have a coffee
Hari
Blessings...
