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Since this is the first meeting of each without the other partner present, time should be permitted for expression of any personal feelings which were suppressed in the presence of the other. A person may not feel free to talk about the other until well into the session. The Minister or counselor may recall some of the questions of the first session which the person was hesitant to discuss in the presence of the other. Adequate time should be allowed to discuss any problems that the person anticipates in marriage.
Discuss the self-evaluation and partner evaluation of the one present only. This review should reveal any possible areas of tension and should suggest the most critical areas of adjustment. Review the person's concept of the role of husband and wife. The purpose of this exercise is to determine if there are dangerous divergencies between the concepts of the two and to help each define what he or she expects of the other.
The information revealed during this session must be kept in strict confidence, and the person must be able to trust the confidence of the Minister or counselor. His purpose is not to point out to each potential problem areas which are revealed since that might lead to loss of respect and open conflict. However, the Minister's knowledge of problem areas will help him to plan for the next session in which adjustments will be discussed. His desire should be to help each person to evaluate candidly his companion and himself. Later, when both are together again, the Minister might bring up the areas where concepts might be in conflict, but he must not reveal what the other person has said.
During the individual conferences, the Minister may inquire what is his or her parent's opinion of the future mate. Then the Minister may ask what he or she believes to be the attitude of the future mate's parents towards him. This discussion should reveal what kind of emphasis will be needed in the next session on areas of adjustment. One of the areas involves relating to in-laws. Perhaps neither the man nor woman has taken time to get acquainted with the future mate's parents. Most in-laws are interested in the welfare of their children's mates, and sometimes this interest may cause them to appear to interfere.
Any thought?
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Hari
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