God created sex when He designed the bodies of Adam and Eve. Men's sex qualities are describes as masculinity and women's as femininity. Feminine qualities usually attract men. Although love includes more than physical attraction, physical affection is a basic ingredient of real love and successful marriage. Man was designed for woman and woman for man.; they are incomplete without one another. Man yearns for those feminine qualities, both practical and spiritual, which only a wife can supply. On the other hand, a woman desires the strength, protection, and provision which only a man can give.
God designed sex to be both necessary and delightful within the context of love. It is holy and right when it is expressed in God's will and purpose. The sexual relstionship is a divinely approved act of marriage, but outside of marriage it is a sin that was judged worthy of death by stoning in the Old Testament.
Built into man's nature is a strong urge to mate, and it is woman's nature to desire motherhood.
Biblical Teachings
Many marriages experience difficulty because proper adjustments are not made in physical relationships; there is lack of understanding of the sexual needs of partners. Sometimes emotional problems on the part of the man or the woman interfere, and counseling is needed. Since Christians are taught that sex is sinful before marriage, one partner or the other may have difficulty making the transition to the attitude that sex is appropriate and approved of God within marriage.
The Bible teaches that both the man and the woman should bring undefiled bodies to marriage. In marriage, their bodies do not belong to themselves but to their partners: "Let the husband fulfill his duty to his wife, and likewise also the wife to her husband. The wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does; and likewise also the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does" 1Cor.7:3-4. Our puritan heritage has caused us to be reluctant to talk openly about sexual relations and adjustment in marriage, but the Bible approaches this aspect of marriage with frankness.
Two extremes have been followed with regard to sex. The materialistic theory holds that it is only an expression of the flesh and can be satisfied in extramarital relations. When sex attraction no longer exists between partners, adherents of this view advise divorce. This theory holds that sex is a private matter and should not be restricted by law except to prevent one person from forcing another.
The theory of asceticism goes to the other extreme by overemphasizing the spirit and denying the significance of the flesh. According to this theory, flesh is evil and should be denied; therefore, sex is considered sinful. Abstinence is a virtue.
Christianity does not go to either extreme. It brings the spirit and the flesh together to cooperate as a total unity in the life of each person. The Christian view is that a successful marriage requires a good sexual adjustment, but the expression of sex must be within the bonds of marriage.
The Caress of a Man and
The traditional view has been that sex is man's prerogative and that his wife should submit to him and remain passive and silent. The Bible contradicts this view: "The husband must give the wife what is due to her". The passage implies that woman have a definite need for sexual experiences in marriage.
Because of emotional problems and lack of understanding, some women have concluded that they are incapable of response and sex must be endured rather than enjoyed.
Women are not frigid by nature, but many have been taught directly or indirectly that sex is evil. They think that sex is necessary only for reproduction; otherwise, it is sinful. These ideas limit their normal responses. If these false ideas are replaced with Christian concepts, wives can gradually learn to adjust and to enjoy a normal, happy sex life in marriage.
Often both the young man and young woman are uneducated about the nature of sex. They may enter marriage with little knowledge about their own sexual nature and less about their partner's. Adjustments are rather difficult for them to make. Since the man's sexual arousement is much more rapid than that of the woman, they may conclude that the woman's need are less. Perhaps her frequency of need is less than that of his, but her needs are just as great. If promises of a satisfactory experience frequently occur but are never completed for her, she may develop emotional tensions.
Dr. Herbert J. Miles points out that the sexual vitality of women is vindicated by their ability to have several orgasms during one experience while the male is limited to one. After doing research with 151 young married couples, he discovered that fifty percent of the wives state that they would like to have sex relations as often or more frequency than their husbands. The research did not prove that women are more or less sexual than men but that God created them as sexual equals.
Right Attitudes for Physical Adjustments
The right attitude is important for both husband and wife in the physical relationship. One authority has stated that "sex education is twenty percent education and eighty percent attitude." Two concepts are extremely important as the foundation of successful physical relations: the act of marriage was designed by God and, therefore, it is good: love rather than selfishness on the part of each partner should prevail during the relationship.
Love has been defined as the giving of oneself in meeting the other person's need. Perhaps Paul had this attitude in mind when he instructed the husband to meet his wife's sexual needs, and, likewise, the wife her husband's. In this cooperative experience, the total needs of both are continually met. In the act of adultery or rape, the person has no concern for the other individual but selfishly acts to meet his own desires. Paradoxically, such an attitude prevents even the selfish person from realizing satisfaction. The physical relationship can become a sublime expression of love only when two people are committed totally to each other.
According to the Bible, the marriage relationship is a sexual relationship and should be honorable in all, "wherefore they are no more twain, but one flesh." It is also a spiritual relationship: what therefore God hath joined together, let no man put asunder." Sex, as God-created experience, cannot be separated from spiritual-emotional-mental attitudes and feelings."
Attitudes of love and happines between husband and wife promote successful physical relations, but fear, frustration, shame, guilt, and unhappiness hinder. The sexual feelings are tied in with and become the channel of emotions from various sources.
The word love is used to describe the attitudes and feelings that bind partners together. Love includes both mental attitude and physical feelings. It promotes romance but is more than that; it requires a commitment to one another and an attitude of self-giving concern. It is characterized by devotion, self-sacrifice, and efforts to enrich the total personality of each other.
Sex is a medium through which love is expressed.
Love is spiritual in nature and is expressed physically through sex and other ways. The woman has special capacity for expressing her love in the act of marriage and through numerous deeds in the home. Modern women who have rebelled against cooling and other "ordinary" household chores have not learned the meaning of love and how to enjoy it, or perhaps the problem lies with their husbands who are blind to the numerous expressions of a woman's love.
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