Since the woman responds more slowly, the physical relationship must be preceded by love-play and tender affection to lead her to the same level of readiness that he experiences almost immediately. The wife should be open to sharing with her husband what is pleasing to her rather than expecting him to understand her responses intuitively. Unfortunately, the husband has never been able to experience the feminine response nor the wife the masculine response; therefore, both are at a disadvantage in understanding one another. There must be open communication and preparatory instruction, either from a counselor or reading material, in order to understand more adequately one's partner.
A commitment of love to one another, an understanding of one another's nature and a wholesome attitude towards sex should enable a couple to make satisfactory adjustments. Unselfishness, patience, concern for the needs and rights of the other, reticence to blame or condemn, and willingness to learn are required traits for satisfactory adjustment. If problems persist, the couple should see a doctor or counselor.
Emotional Differences
The emotional responses of man and woman differ greatly. Man are stimulated by sight while most women are not. Jesus warned men "that whoever looketh on a women to list after her hath committed adultery with her already in his heart." He gave no such warning to women, since most women do not have the problem of looking at a man and lusting after him. Publishers of pornographic magazines recognize the emotional differences between men and women. Numerous magazines of scantily clad and nude women are being published for women, and they have limited sales.
While the man responds to sight, the woman responds to kindness and tenderness. Her emotions responds more slowly and are under greater control than those of men. Many cultural customs reflect these differences, and particularly roles for men and women have been formulated, even though the majority of the people may not understand why. One of the fallacies of the women's liberation movement is failure to recognize the emotional differences in men and women. One of the reasons for many divorces is the poor sexual adjustments made because a husband and wife do not understand their emotional differences.
These emotional differences explain certain expectation on the part of women. They respond to tender affection and kind words and wait for their husbands to take the initiative in an affectionate kiss upon leaving in the morning or upon returning from work in the afternoon. Ordinarily the wife waits for the husband to take the initiative in physical relations because her sexual needs are deeper and respond more slowly. Also, she may have incorrectly concluded that only the male is to be the aggressor. If the wife does not understand the differences between herself and her husband and has concluded that sex is evil, she may think that her husband is interested only in her physical body. Since she does not respond as rapidly and may resist the frequency with which the husband desires relationship, he may conclude that she is cold or indifferent and simply does not love him. It is very important for both husband and wife to be aware of their emotional differences in order to make adequate physical adjustments in marriage.
Emotional Needs
It is important for wives to experience satisfaction in the physical relationship as well as husbands. A satisfactory act leads to an emotional climax of sexual excitement on the part of each. This experience is referred to as orgasm, and the experience binds the two or more closely together. Since the husband responds more rapidly, often the wife does not experience orgasm. Many uninformed or selfish husbands satisfy their own needs but leave the wife's needs unsatisfied. It is not necessary that she experience orgasm during every love making, but the husband should learn how to bring her to that experience each time she desires it.
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