Come Keturah," called Father, "meet the man I have chosen to be your husband. I like him, and I am sure that you will love him, too." That was the way it was done in Bible times when parents chose spouses for their children. And this is still the custom in some eastern lands today. In such societies, dating and courtship are irrelevant. But in western culture where young pe0ple choose partners for themselves, it is necessary for them to have some process to aid these choices. They need opportunities to get close to each other that they may be able to know and evaluate one another.
Guidelines for Dating
SOCIALIZING
Spend quality time together. Anything of value takes time, and something as important as creating a relationship takes much time. But even more important than the quantity of time is the quality of time spent together. A variety of dates is useful. Spectator dates are occasions when couples are being entertained: for example, attending a concert or watching a ball game. Participation dates are activities in which the couples are entertaining themselves, such as a hike or cookout. Then there are conversation dates where partners just meet and talk. Whatever the type of activity, we need to take time to know each other better. Create a safe environment. The environment should be conducive to dialogue. Sometimes the venue will be public; at other times it needs to be private. But while privacy is needed, secrecy should be avoided. It is wise to have the security of other persons in the vicinity. A safe environment also includes safe levels of entertainment. Music should be chosen wisely. It is no secret that some types of music inspire elevating behavior while others encourage inappropriate, sensuous misbehavior. Movies should be selected carefully, for while some provide wholesome entertainment, many invite the viewing couple to participate in promiscuity. Modesty of attire also plays its part, for the dress often sets the stage for the evening's performance. Scripture says, "Be self-controlled and alert. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour" (1 Peter 5:8).
SEXUALITY
Say "No" to sexual activity. Premarital sex enjoys popularity today, and there is much pressure upon dating couples to conform. Some say, "Everybody's doing it " Others whisper, "If you love me, prove it." Still others challenge, "If you're normal, let's try it." But this activity has its risks: unwanted pregnancy, cervical cancer, sexually transmitted diseases with the dreaded killer, AIDS.
For some, sex before marriage encourages disrespect. She may be enjoyed but is scarcely respected, a is sometimes bypassed when he gets serious about marriage. And if partners do proceed to a wedding they may discover that premarital sex was robbery, for they robbed bed them selves of the precious mystery of other causing the honeymooy lose much of its meaning. For others premarital sex produce guilt, a guilt that is sometimes transterred to sexua intimacy after marriage. For still others, this promiscuity starts a vicious cvcle which repeats itselt in acts of unfaith. fulness after the wedding. Because God, the Creator of true love, knows all this, He has given the wise com mand, "You shall not commit adutery" (Exodus 20:14). Not only should the sex act be avoided; activities that have the potential to lead on to intercourse should also be shunned. Excessive kissing, petting, and embracing tend to push partners into the danger zone. Every couple should therefore set up guidelines of conduct and work at maintaining the standards Joseph, the young exile, is an exce lent example. When tempted, "he re fused" saying, "how then could I do such a wicked thing and sin against God?" (Genesis 39:8, 9).
COMMUNICATION
Ask wise questions. Some dating partners are quite talkative. Others however, are shy and silent. Some are nervous because they are fearful of saying or doing the Wrong thing re a losing the friendship. But the big reason for dating is to know one another better, and we cannot know each other unless we communicate with each other. Effective communicatioon involves both talking and listening. Those who feel afraid of talking should learn the art of asking questions. The fact is that when we do the questioning, we get the other person to do the talking! One of the biggest secrets of a good conversation is to ask the right questions. A question that allows "yes" or "no" for an answer is a poor question, for it fails to encourage conversation. A g0od question gets a person to express himself or herself. For example, instead of saying, "Did you like the Concert?" one may ask, "What do you think about the concert?'" or "What do you like about the performance? When we date, it is wise to discuss things that will help one to know who the other really is and hopes to be. Talk about education, lifestyle, likes, goals, family, etc. We should avoid majoring in minors. In that sublime de- scription of "a virtuous woman" recorded in the last chapter of Proverbs, d, one of the qualities is, "she speaks with wisdom" (Proverbs 31:26). And a noble man does likewise. Learn as you listen. If one listens long enough, and observes well enough, one will learn who his oor her partner really is. Jesus said that "out of the overflow of his heart, his mouth speaks" (Luke 6:45). The one who listens intelli- gently is able to evaluate and answer the question: Is this the kind of person I am searching for? If it is not, there's a red light. If it is, there's a green light that may someday lead to the marriage altar. The benefits of intelligent dating are many. It affords opportunities to know oneself better, to understand and evaluate persons of the opposite sex, to deepen friendship, and to make the ultimate choice of a life companion.
DIVINE LOVER
Our dearest Lover, Jesus, wants us to know Him better. So, He invites us to have dates with Him. He wants to get close to us, and He longs to have us get close to Him. Sometimes we have serious questions about Him. Is He a real Being? Does He care about a personal relationship? does He seem to be so far away? Does He exist at all? Whenever we wonder about the reality of God, we should remember Isaiah's thought provoking question, "Lift your eyes and look to the heavens: who created all these?" (saiah 40:26). On a cloudless night we see thousands of stars in the sky. These are all part of the Milky Way galaxy. Our solar system with its nine planets, 32 moons, and 1,600 aster- oids, is but one of the many systems within our galaxy. How large is this galaxy? It measures 100,000 light years across. Since light travels at the speed of 186,282 miles per second, it covers 5,874 billion miles a year. So, 100,000 light years will be 587,458 trillion miles! Fantastic! Incredible! But that's the size of just one galaxy! The telescopes reveal that there are millions of galaxies! These countless suns, systems, and galaxies moving through a fathomless space could all these have appeared by chance? These innumerable bodies, each operating in its as signed orbit without chaos or catastrophe-does not all these speak with eloquence about an intelligent Architect? Daniel was right when he declared, "There is a God in heaven" (Daniel 2:28). It is He "who brings out their host by number He calls them all by name, by the greatness of His might and the strength of His power" (Isaiah 40:26, NKJV). But wonder of wonders! This great Creator, this "High and Lofty ne who inhabits eternity, craves the love and romance of humanity. He wants to "dwell with anyone "who has a contrite humble spirit" (Isaiah 57:15, NKV) longs to get close, very close to us. He likes to have dates anytime morning, noon or night. He delights to meet us any here, any place where we can be alone with Him Sometimes we get so busy that we forget Him, but He never forgets us, because we are the objects of His love. Jesus does not wait for us to start the conversation. He begins talking , speaking to us through His Word,the 8 Bible. When rebuking the ancient e! Jews He said, "You diligently studying the Scriptures because you think that by them you possess eternal life. These are the Scriptures that testify
about me" John 5:39). So, the Bible is the testimony of Christ, and when we read it, we are listening to the very voice of Jesus! This Book is really a compilation of 66 books, penned by about 40 different writers over a period of 1,500 years. These authors came from all walks of life: David the king and Peter the fisherman; Moses the emancipator and Matthew the tax collector; Paul the scholar and Daniel the prime minister; Amos the farmer and Luke the medical doctor. Yet, their words agree! Why? Be- cause they were all inspired by the same Spirit-the Holy Spirit of Jesus (2 Peter 1:21). The Bible is Christ's love letter. Whatever our situation in life, if we open the envelope, we will read His tender words, "Tlove you." When we are sad, we may look at John 14. When we are worried, we are comforted by Matthew 6:25-34. When we feel discouraged, we get courage from Isaiah 40. When we are suffer- ing, we may meditate on Hebrews 12:1-12. When we are bereaved, we find hope in 1 Corinthians 15. When we have sinned, we hear His offer of forgiveness in Psalm 51. When we feel lonely and afraid, we think of Psalm 23. When we long for Christan assurance, we may study Romans 8. Our every need is supplied in Christ's love letter.
TALKING BACK
When we get close to Jesus, listening to His Word, hearing His tender voice saying, "Ilove you," we want to talk back! We get the urge to tell Him, "I love You too, dear Lord."That's prayer! Prayer is talking to God as friend to Friend.
Since He is our Lover, we do not need to write out what we say. We can forget the grammar and ignore the vocabulary. We're friends! And, because we are friends, we would not want to talk to Him by reading out what someone else has written. No lover would welcome that. So, we just open our hearts to Him, using our own words and speaking heart to Heart, lover to Lover. We tell Him of our sorrows and our joys; our hurts and our struggles; our hopes and our dreams. We tell Him all our needs: material and financial; physical and social; emotional and spiritual. Sometimes when we look at our past with its failures and mistakes, we feel burdened by the load of guilt. Then we sense our need to pray for God's forgiveness. It is good to know that He is always ready to pardon us, because at Calvary He has already suffered our punishment. Listen to His invitation, "Come now, let us reason together," says the LoRD. "Though your sins are like scarlet, they shall be as white as snow; though they are red as crimson, they shall be like wool" (Isaiah 1:18). He has promised to "have Compassion on us...and hurl all our iniquities into the depths of the sea" (Micah 7:19). That's love! "Brother Amen." Have you ever heard of the "Amen" brother? The church was always awakened with his shouts of "Amen," much to the disgust of some sophisticated parishioners. One day "Brother Amen" got ill. As he tell Him, "I love You too, dear Lord.entend the doctor's ottice, the physician thought he would punish him for his noise in church by giving him a dull geography book to read while he waited for medical attention. Suddenly, the waiting room was in an uproar with the shouts of "Amen! Amen!" "What is there to say 'Amen' about in that geogra- phy book?" asked the angry practitioner. "Well, doctor" came the reply, "I have just read that in the Pacific, the deepest part of the sea is more than 39,000 feet-more that seven miles deep! And God has promised to cast all my sins into the depths of the sea! That's seven miles deep! Amen! Amen!" Whenever we talk to God about our past, we, too, can shout, "Amen!" And we should not only talk tob God about our past. Christ delights to converse with us about the present. Day by day as we sense our need for victory-whether it be over alcohol or tobacco, legal or illegal drugs; be it over lying or stealing, greed or gambling, profanity or promiscuity, whatever it may be if we get close to Jesus and tell Himabout it, Hewill hear and help us. He is "able to keep [us} from falling'" Jude 24). "He gives us the victory" (1 Corinthians 15:57).
YOUR GUIDE
But what about our future? As we spend quiet time each day alone with Jesus, we should not only tell Him of our past and present; we should talk to Him about our future. Christ is interested in all areas of our future our education and vocation, our personal atfairs and our love affairs. If we are willing to follow, He will be our Guide. This brings us to the final dynamics of dating: Pray for God's guidance. It was time for Isaac to get mar ried, but there were no godly girls in Canaan. In keeping with the custom of his time, father Abraham desired to choose a suitable spouse for his be loved son. But he was too aged to travel. So, calling his trusted servant, Eliezer, he missioned him to make a trip to Mesopotamia and choose a God-fearing girl for Isaac. The man reached his destination What a serious responsibilty on stopped at the well where the vilage girls gathered to draw wate Then, bending his knees to eart he raised his hands to heaven and Abraham, give me success today prayed, "Oh Lord, my master Abraham (Genesis 24:12). The whole thrilling story is recorded Genesis 24. The record says, "before he had finished praying, Rebekah came out" (Genesis 24:15). His prayer was answered! True, the old man, Eliezer, had been praying, but the young man, Isaac, had been praying, also (Genesis 24:63). And God heard and answered their prayers. The good news is that God has not changed! He still loves to hear and answer prayers. How stimulating it is to realize that our God is not only interested in giving us eternal life by and by; He is also desirous of providing a fulfilling family life here and now. He is concerned about our love affair, our marriage, and our family. He cares because He loves. It is exciting to communicate with an earthly lover, to say those special words, "I love you." And it is exhilarating to commune with our heavenly Lover and hear Him say those precious words, "I have loved you with an everlasting love" Jeremiah 31:3). It is refreshing to get close in a meaningtful relationship with a human lover, but it is much more satistying to get close in a spiritual relationship with Jesus, the divine Lover. And we should always remember that the One is willing to lead us to the other.
Let's have a Coffee
Hari
Blessings
