Engagement 102

The length of engagement may vary according to the length of time the individuals have known each other previously. Some circumstances, such as job requirements and educational plans, may cause marriage to be delayed and the time of engagement to be extended. Sometimes marriages are delayed to enable the couple to secure a residence. Occasionally, one or the other must pay off debts before it would be wise to assume family responsibilities. Ordinarily, both extremely long and short engagements are unwise. During long engagements, the couple will experience the strain of resisting the more intimate relationship. Short engagements do not allow sufficient time for them to reevaluate their lifetime commitment to one another.

During engagement, the couple will want to discuss the roles of the husband and wife in marriage and the place where they will live. It is wise for a couple to discuss sources of income, whether or not the wife will work, how the income will be handled, and a tentative budget. The couple also should agree on church affiliation and their plans for spiritual growth as companions. Usually they will discuss plans for having children, providing for them, and views of discipline.

Well in advance of the tentative wedding date, the couple should contact their minister to arrange for the use of the church building and his services in conducting the wedding ceremony. More and more ministers are requiring extensive counseling sessions, therefore, definite plans should be set early enough to allow completion of the required sessions. Some ministers require as many as six, and these may extend over period of six weeks or more.

Since marriage is a lifelong commitment, couples should be willing to spend more time in study and preparation for it. If it were not for counseling sessions, many couples would enter marriage without understanding one another, how to make adjustments in marriage, and the sexual nature and needs of their companions. Many couples succeed in working out adjustments and establishing strong relationship apart from preparatory counseling sessions, however, most would have benefited greatly from them and would have found the adjustments easier had they known more about the various areas of companionship.

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